(Closed) 18 year old’s getting married?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 17
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You can’t please everybody.

I don’t know you, obviously, so I won’t send an encouraging post saying that I know you’re making a smart decision.

If you feel as if this is the right choice for you, then do it. You’ll either celebrate your 10 year anniversary much earlier than the couples who married in their mid to late 20’s, or you’ll be divorced. The divorce thing is a consistent risk in any first marriage though- so in that regard your first marriage is no different than anyone else’s.

People will always have a reason to complain. Do what makes you happy, and hopefully it will pay off!

๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 18
Member
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

@cassandra102012:   ( pardon my french) SHUT THE HELL UP! 

Hi, if you want more respect don’t ever say this…. please…. If I may suggest, you can say “pardon my “language” instead.

I have nothing against 18 year olds getting married if they are mature enough for the life changes that inevitably comes with married life.

Post # 19
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@happyface:  i think it was supposed to be funny?.. either way i think she was fine to say it. showing her frustration is fine w. me! thats why we come here. 

Post # 20
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

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@takemyhand:  Oh man, seconded! I would have had the worst Mother-In-Law too!

 

View original reply
@the_future_mrs:  Divorce actually becomes more and more likely as each marriage progresses, which I always think is kind of interesting. You raise a good point, the worst that happens is it doesn’t work out OP!

 

Post # 21
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

There are indeed couples who are mature enough at 18..but I’d have to say very seldom have i whitnessed this….but they do exist and sounds like you might be one of them.

I can only speak for myself…and I know when I was 18, the idea of marriage was very romantic…and I probably would have jumped at the idea of marrying my “then” boyfriend…but i”m sure glad he didn’t ask and that I never though seriously about it. I just don’t see marriage the way I did at 18…my thinking is more realistic while still based on love. I guess I just don’t feel like I am who I was at 18.

That being said…don’t let it get to you…but also don’t be so stubborn if by chance you have to depend on your folks to pay for it but they won’t support it. Just wait it out if it comes down to lack of support….and I mean wait it out till you can afford it yourselves. I know darn well what it’s like to just be ready to be married…you just are ready and you know it….and when you hit that road block it can be devestating….but well worth the wait because he will still be there now and years from now if he’s the one.

But if you are both ready to pay for the wedding and live together without your parents help, then I’d say you have a good start coming your way.

Post # 22
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve found that the people in our lives tend to be good judges of what’s right and wrong. If no one supports your decision to get married, maybe you should step back and consider their feelings. I think 18 is extremely young to get married for anyone and if my kid came to me at that age and said they were getting married, I’d probably put up a fight. Ultimately, only you know your relationship and you have to make these decisions but I wouldn’t completely dismiss the things that your loved ones are saying. 

Do you and your fiancé have jobs or ways to support yourselves? Do you have somewhere to live after your wedding that doesn’t involve your parents basement? I’m not asking these questions to be judgemental, I’m just curious. I personally couldn’t imagine getting married at 18 (hell, I felt young at 25 when we got married) but you know what’s right for you. Good luck.

Post # 23
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wish you lots of luck! I got married at 18 years old to my boyfriend that I was with since the age of 15. We were divorced by our 21st birthdays.

But every marriage is different, so good luck!

Post # 24
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@UpstateCait:  Seconded.  

Post # 25
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Had I married the guy I was dating when I was 18… we’d still be married! Lol, I’m married to my high school sweetheart and I have no regrets. I wouldn’t say ignore the naysayers, but definitely take their comments with a hefty grain of salt. Congrats, good luck, and God bless!

Post # 26
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

To OP: “I feel more mature than my actual parents. I had to grow up fast, learn my mistakes quickly and everything!”

I can understand where you are coming from, but this phrase worries me a little. It sounds as if you perhaps had a bit of a chaotic family life (I did too). If that’s the case, maybe you should make sure that you are not wanting to get married young because you are searching for the stability you never had as a child. Marriage should provide stability, yes… but that should not be a major factor, I think. Also, speaking from experience, you may think that you are “completely over” the chaos of your childhood at 18, but you may find that it takes quite a few more years to fully unpick what went on, and learn from that.

Apologies if I’ve got it totally wrong… I’m just trying to empathise!

Post # 27
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m getting married to my high school sweetheart ๐Ÿ™‚ My Fiance and I had to grow up at an early age while most of our friends weren’t on the same maturity level (and that is okay, everyone is on a different journey and on a different level–some people need more time and some need less). My grandparents met in high school and are still married to this day–just celebrated their 50th anniversary! ๐Ÿ˜‰ My grandpa told me the moment he met my Fiance (boyfriend at the time) he knew we were going to get married someday.

My Fiance and I been together for almost 5 years and I thank God everyday for bringing such a mature, selfless, and loving person in my life. We’ve seen each other at our worse AND at our happiest, but always strive to honor each other, encourage and build up one another, and forgive each other. We are so excited about beginning the journey of marriage. We’re getting ready for marriage counseling this summer–I’d highly recommend that if you both can do that (it covers and allows you to discuss finances, sexual and marital adjustment, lifestyles, family planning, expectations of roles, etc.)

P.S. I don’t know what you and your Fiance or family believe–but personally, I believe that marriage is a biblical commandment–not an option. I feel that the Church often discourages young people to marry later and make them feel bad for having sexual desires (and I believe there is a problem of what is called “extended adolescence” in our world where people delay marriage, responsibility, family etc.)–so I understand where you’re coming from when people don’t understand. We are DESIGNED for marriage and DESIGNED for sex! I also believe that marriage is a manifestation of Jesus’ love for us. I know not everyone is going to agree with me on here, but I think you’re doing the right thing despite the negativity. 

Post # 29
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I know how you feel. I’m 20 years old, and my family is very apprehensive since SO just asked for my hand. But, when you know, you know. I feel like some of us are old souls with mature spirits, and we can handle it. Make sure you know everything you’re getting into. Maybe take pre-marriage, Pre-Cannan (sp?) classes? And Congrats!

Post # 30
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

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@UpstateCait:  I agree.

To the OP: The first time I got married a lot of people were concerned that it was not the right choice for me, and I ignored them. They were right. That so many people who know and care about you are concerned should give you pause. That doesn’t mean that you and your Fiance aren’t meant to be together forever, but maybe right now is a little early. There’s no rush. Are you really prepared to live as a married couple? Do you have the money and life skills? I’m also worried by your statment that you are more mature than your parents. That reads as an immature statement. Often people who are below of just at the level of adult basic adult maturity (which an 18 year old would generally be lucky to be), don’t have enough maturity to recognize that they could be more mature. They think they’ve already arrived at full maturity.

Post # 31
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think anyone who writes “SHUT THE HELL UP!” on an internet forum sounds mature. The most mature women I know carry themselves with the composure and wisdom to acknowledge that the older they get, the less they really know about the world.

I’m not doubting the feelings you have towards your Fiance, but perhaps people might respect your decision more if you expressed yourself in a more mature fashion.

 

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