(Closed) 18 year old’s getting married?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 32
Member
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I guess you will just have to “shut everyone up” by proving them wrong 🙂

But if you aren’t 100 % sure that you will stay together through thick and thin , 1 penny to your name or 1 million in the account- don’t do it! The more young failed marriages, the more negativity hopeful couples are destined to face about there decision. We need to change the face of marriage to a covenant that when gets broken , it gets fixed, instead of tossed out to try again with some other person.

Post # 33
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Your post doesn’t exactly read “mature adult” but what do I know haha. Good luck!

Post # 34
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think her expression of “SHUT THE HELL UP”, was exactly that, an expression! No big deal. It doesn’t make her look immature. Get over it people.

As to the actual post, I personally think 18 is too young to marry but that doesn’t mean that it’s  not right for someone else. I was too concerned with going to college and finishing. My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years total, we have a daughter together and are just now getting married because we both had dreams of going to grad school and finishing before we got married. I’m glad we did cause now we can enjoy our marriage without any added stress. I’m sure your family is just concerned about your decision to marry at this age! But only you and your fiancé can make this decision. Best of luck to you!!!! Hugs!!!

Post # 36
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@cassandra102012:  Honey, I really believe that you are very mature. But, just to be sure and make everyone else more confident as well, if I was you I would go to pre-marital counseling and let a priest or someone with experience let us know that we’re ready to get married.

Like other bees have said, there’s no rush. I’m 23 and people still think I’m too young to be married. You need to make this decision for yourself. But make sure you have the right people backing you up (like a priest, a counselor, or a close family friend who is more mature than your parents). Marriage is tough, a lot tougher than most of us imagine. It’s a lot easier to be in a relationship that you know you can get out of. A lot of couples wait until later in order to make sure they’re mature enough to handle the difficulties that come with married life. Just being married can change your relationship dynamic.

Also, you’ve only been together for 3 years. I dated my first boyfriend for 3 years, and we thought we would be getting married. Looking back, we probably would have made a great couple, but we needed time to grow up. Unfortunately, even though we were both incredibly mature for our age, we just weren’t mature enough to make it work. So, follow your heart, but please make sure you have a trusty marriage advisor as well. I have no doubt you guys can make it work, but take my word for it, getting married at 18 will not make things easier. It would be a lot easier for you guys to get married later. But if you love each other so much and feel so strongly about it, then by all means get married now. Just keep in mind that it’ll make things more difficult, and you’ll have to be a lot more mature than you even think you need to be in order to overcome everything. An advisor can really be helpful. Good luck!

Post # 37
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I married young, and many people had the same reaction. At first, I tried to explain to everyone that we had been together 5 years (living together for 2), supporting ourselves (entirely), had known we wanted to be together for a very long time, etc. It even made more financial sense for us to get married (unique situation with college financial aid). Even after explaining all this, people would still argue. Eventually, I realized that these people would never listen to reason because they had already decided I was too young no matter what.

I’ve done a lot of unconventional things in my life, and people have always had unsolicited opinions concerning my actions. I firmly believe my choices have been right for me, although I realize they would not be right for most. I do not condone marrying young for the masses, but I would never tell someone they are wrong because I don’t know that. I have come to genuinely not care what others think, so I have stopped explaining myself to them. I realize this is a difficult point for many to come to, but I think most everyone can get there. If the comments bother you, don’t let that show. Simply fake it until you make it because, one day, you likely will. I know I certainly have.

Post # 38
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Im 21 right now, and by the time my FH and I get married I’ll be 23 and he’ll be 24. We started dating in junior highschool when I was 12 and he 13, and have been together ever since :). By the time we get married we will have been together for just over ten years. I think because of the length of our relationship we have not gotten the ‘too young’ reactions that I expected. Our families are both extremely supportive. 

I think that you should do what you think is right. If it makes more sense to extend your engagement so that you could possibly have more of you’re family’s support, then do that. However, if you feel like its best to get married sooner, then hold your head up and don’t let anyone bring you down. 

Congrats to you and your FH 🙂 

Post # 39
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My parents, aunts/uncles, grandparents were all married as teenagers and are still together.  I was engaged at 19, married at 24, and now I’m remarried.  I think it depends on the couple….some make it, some don’t.  

The divorced ones I have known pretty much feel like they “missed” out on the whole dating experience when they were younger and sometimes they end the marriage to see what they might have missed.  I know that’s pretty sh**ty but its happened.  

DH dated his HS Girlfriend for 7 years…he said they pretty much acted like a married couple too.  But people were putting the bug in his ear not to settle….she had changed and so had he….so he ended it with her.  He said it felt good to “get it out of his system” by dating around.  I mean he was 23 and only had 1 Girlfriend….so he had VERY warped ideas on relationships.

That being said….everyone has these type of stories.  But only you and your Fiance really KNOW your relationship.  Be willing to work through problems together no matter what it takes.  And do NOT let others influence your relationship….I did that in my previous marriage….marriage is 2 people only!

Post # 40
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

18 over here! my husband will be 19 this month and i will be in june. I know how you feel everyone thought i was pregnant. Lets just say do what you want and dont listen to others bullshit. We have been together since we were 14. At first everyone was like why so fast ? But it wasnt really fast we were engaged for 8 months. Now everyone is happy for us and we did everything by ourselves for our wedding!!

 

Enjoy your big day !

Post # 41
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@cassandra102012:  I married at 17 and was not pregnant…..and divorced 6 years later

While it didn’t exactly ruin my life it wasn’t the best choice–then again my ex was a little crazy and I was too young/in love to see it at the time

My mother married at 17 because she was pregnant with my sister and divorced 2 years later

People are concerned because you are young to make such a huge decision–I say having a child is a much bigger decision….so if you hold off on that for a few years what’s the harm if you marry now?

 

Even if you DO end up divorced in a few years it’s not like that doesn’t happen to couples who marry later…it won’t ruin your life, if anything you’ll be wiser for it

And if you do make it then good for you.

Just saying, sometimes people are concerned for a reason, and sometimes they just like to hear themselves speak–it’s up to you to decide if marriage is right for you right now

Post # 42
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@sylvia.riggle:  Haha my husbands family said they rather have us have a kid im like are you guys crazy?!!!!

 

How long did u date ur ex husband before you married him?

Post # 43
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@alyssa.christine1:  2 years–but I didn’t even consider having a child at that age–I’m 28 now and I barely feel ready lol

I think it’s because I saw how having such a young mother negatively impacted my sister’s life–she’s 8 years older than me–and my mother was FAR too immature to have a child at her age

The way I see it, even if you have children when you’re older, you have to be fully prepared for the possibility that you may be raising them completely alone–even if your relationship is perfect. Who nows, your husband could get into a car accident.

 

My mother’s ex turned out to be a deadbeat–never paid child support so my mother wouldn’t let my sister see him–then he ended up committing suicide before my sister even had the chance to meet him herself

I have known people that married young and are happy though–especially if they weren’t rushing into it because of a pregnancy and family pressures

 

 

Post # 44
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@sylvia.riggle:  yeah my mom was 19 when she had me so i deff get it im waiting awhile !

Post # 45
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I got married when I was 18 and right out of High School and my DH and I are very happy. Out of all the couples I know we have the strongest and most loving relationship. Yes, that includes older couples that married way later in life and are still considered “Newlyweds.” As for pp’s saying that you should listen to the people judging you, that’s awful advice. It’s YOUR life, you can’t live it for other people and be happy. If I did that I would probably be doing something that I hate just bc a few people told me I was stupid. I’m the happiest I’ve been in my entire life and so is my husband, I’m able to be a wife and soon to be mother. I have everything that I ever wanted.

Do what will make you happy. Ignore them.

Post # 46
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I know how you feel.  My FH and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years and are SO in love! Many people can see that we plan to marry, but when I say that we are getting engaged when I am 20, they look at me like I’m nuts.  I think it is based on the relationship.  If both of you are mature and ready to handle everyday situations, then by all means, GO FOR IT!  Some couples are just not mature at 18 and that’s it.  I think you can do it because I am tired of all the stuff people are saying too.  FH and I feel like we are ready for this next step in our life so we are gonna do it! 🙂

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