(Closed) 18 year old’s getting married?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 47
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry but I tend to be one of the people that judges and I’m really working on it. I only assume its too young because most of the people that get married so soon don’t last or are really unhappy in their marriage because they weren’t mature enough when they made that decision. The girls I personally know got married, had a baby almost immediately, never went to college, don’t have a job, etc.  I know there are people out there that are married early in life and stay happily married until the end and are successful in life. One of my coworkers is one of them she got married at 16 and stayed with her husband until his death just a few years ago. Your family is probably just trying to get you to wait to give you more time to think about wether or not it is the right choice. I don’t think they are trying to be mean about it. Only you and your Fiance know if marriage is right and you shouldn’t have to prove it to anyone.

Post # 48
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You are a child. Of course people are going to judge you. Children getting married doesn’t usually end well, especially those that claim to be so ” mature”, they just know God will be on their side and telling people who think differently to shut up.

Post # 49
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@cassandra102012:  Honestly don’t let anyone tell you what’s right for YOU. I really dislike when people say “what’s the rush”??? No one would ever say that to a 30 year old. Well if you’re engaged no matter what age you are, you should be so excited and want to start the rest of your life with your future spouse as soon as possible! If not than there’s an issue! 

Fiance and I have been dating since we were 17 and honestly I could have seen myself marrying him then and obviously am marrying him now! Only you and your future hubby know what’s right for you in your lives and your relationship. Other people’s opinions are just that, OPINIONS. 

P.S. I’m 23, that’s SO young to some people but whatever, we’re happy, in love, and getting married and that’s that.

Congrats on your engagement!

Post # 50
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you’re sure about your decisions, then all you can do is brush em off. I luckily didn’t have anyone in real life berate me or my parents for my decisions (I was married at 21), but if they had, I would’ve just ignored them – you do what is right for you, you know? You can’t please everyone – not in real life, and not on these message boards either. Just be as prepared as possible for marriage, ensure that you’re doing the right thing and that you’re in it for the long haul, that you’re going to achieve your dreams and balance with your marriage, and that you and your guy are happy. That’s all that matters.

Post # 51
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@cassandra102012 : Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

People change so much during their late teens and early 20s. Maybe these people are looking back at who they used to be or who they were dating at the time and then worry for you. If not, they they are just negative people who need to have something to complain about.

I only know one couple who got married at 18, one of my high school friends. They knew each other for 3 months, got engaged, had a wedding 3 months later (no pregnancy or anything, just in a hurry to move away to college together). Parents gave them their full blessing and everyone else, as far as I know. But us friends were worried and never said a word to her. After a few years, they grew appart and my friend didn’t want to work on her marriage but her husband did. They got divoriced around 22. We all wish we said something before they got married, but figured she would have never listened anyway. 

Most people have really bad stories about anything. It sounds like you’re much more mature than my friend, so it’s not even comparable. But, people do look back at past experiences and if they see a slight red flag, they voice it. Hopefully, this is something like what’s going on and not venomous remarks just to be mean.

Post # 52
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Also – IMO there’s a bias on the Bee because the older people who have been happily married for 10+ years (aka the young marriage success stories) aren’t exactly seeking out wedding sites recently, you know? If you’re 30+ and just now planning your wedding, of course they don’t believe that people are ready to be married at 20 because THEY weren’t. They’re either just now getting married, or they’re getting married for the second+ time and their younger marriage failed. Listen to what people close to you in real life tell you – they are the ones who know you and your relationship. Everyone else can, as you eloquently put it, “shut the hell up” haha.

Post # 53
Member
1517 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think your parents failed at raising you , but you are very young to be getting married. At 33 now, I can tell you that I am not the person I was at 18, i don’t like the same things, I have different goals and outlooks on life, and the person i would have choosen at 18 is not the person i would choose now. You can be in love and not be married. Live your life first. Go to college, find out who you are, and then if you still feel the same in say, 5 years, get married. No need to rush.

Post # 54
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

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@happyface:  What’s YOUR problem?! Yeesh!

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@cassandra102012:  I totally feel you. FH & I started dating when we were 16, and he gve me a promise ring on my 17th birthday. We got “officially” engaged after 2 years of dating, and will be married next February (four years of being engaged + two years of dating). We decided to wait a while, BUT we only decided that because we wanted to finish university before we jumped right into another HUGE expense, and because it was important for our families. We had NO worries of not being right for each other.

I’d like to know how many of the Bees who say that they would be in deep shit if they’d married their BFs in their teens or early 20s actually WANTED to marry them in the first place. I’d also like to know how mature they were.

Personally, I never partied, never drank illegally (in fact, I didn’t drink alcohol until MONTHS after I was legal, and even then only had one drink at a celebration), never dated around (never dated anyone before my FH), and was very future-oriented & driven; I made good grades (90%+ my senior year in highschool, during my 2nd year of dating my FH) and was involved in extracurricular activities (volunteerism & the swim team). I received comprehensive sex ed from my parents & my teachers, and FH and I neither started sleeping together right off the bat, nor are we waiting for marriage. Also, I’m athiest, so there’s none of that “must get married” pressure for me (honestly, I wasn’t planning on dating until after I finished my MD, and I never included marriage in my plans until I met FH). All in all, we DEFINITELY do not fit the stereotypical “get-hitched-at-18-for-all-the-wrong-reasons” type. And yet, we STILL face shit from people. So yeah, totally get where you’re coming from.

Post # 55
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@cassandra102012:  Getting married at your age is almost always a bad idea.  I also know, having been your age once that you believe that you are the exception and that your love is different.  All people your age and in your situation believe that they are the exception.  I don’t say this to talk you out of this because that would be useless, just to say that the older people in your life have perspective that you don’t and are trying to save you from pain.  You may very well make it, but it will be harder than you can imagine in you wildest dreams.  You are simply at an age where you don’t know what you don’t know.  I hope at the end of the day the people in your life encourage you in your marriage and help you to succeed.

Post # 56
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think this is more the norm where I come from, and people are getting married at much older ages than ever before these days, which is odd because I keep hearing people say “people are getting married so young these days.” And it’s ironic. I’m a firm believer in that not only are some people not mature enough, but that they’ll never be mature enough (for marriage, kids, or even friendships), but also some people are more mature at age 18 than another hypothetical 45 year old will ever be. It all depends on how your cards are dealt.

And congrats on your wedding!

Post # 57
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Congrats!!

Hopefully those expressing concern are just doing it because they care. You sound level-headed , especially for someone so in love, lol, I know I get starry-eyed sometimes!

Just politely thank them for their concern and tactfully reassure them & change the subject,. When they see that you are not freaking out & reacting emotionally, they may begin to understand that this si the path you are choosing, as an adult, you are steady, in love & ready for this.

We are all different & have different timetables. Some don’t marry until much older, some never do & they can still have happy rewarding lives. Sounds like you both know what you want…each other!

Have fun & enjoy every last bit of it…

Post # 58
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

love happens in many ways and as people age they look at love from a more logical and practical perspective frequently. I would guess that they are thinking about how just “love” isn’t enough and they are worried that you don’t have much of the practicalities sorted out and that the practicalities are where most relationships fail.

Post # 59
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I understand that is is difficult to hear all the negativity. But I have to tell you that you really do grow and mature so much more than you could imagine in the up coming years. I have been with my soon to be husband for 9 years. We got engaged when I was 19 and we decided to wait to get married untill we were finished with school and stable on our own. Looking back I am so glad we waited! I thought we were mature too. But Our relationship has grown, and we have grown as individuals! Best of luck with everything! 

Post # 60
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@MrsWrangler:  I agree with you about the bias, some people who are getting married at 30 might not have been ready for marriage at 18, so that’s why they have that opinion, it doesn’t mean everyone is too immature at 18 or will change fundamentally in a way that a relationship can’t survive.

Post # 61
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@MabelleBliss:  Exactly. I just think the successful young marriages aren’t represented here (successful inasmuch as together for longer than a few years, since most people just stick around for a while after their own weddings… I mean I’ve been married 1.5 years and I’m not a success story, I’m still a liability lol). So when people come on looking for opinions about young marriages, they’re missing out on potentially the most important segment of the population (for their needs).

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