(Closed) 18 year old’s getting married?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 62
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My parents are married in young age and now they still love each other so much. Good Luck!

Post # 63
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

i’m 46 and i got married at 28 and i’m now divorced.

3 of my high school friends got married young.

one at 19

one at 17

one at 18

 

and they are all still married and happy.  so there! 

Post # 64
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I met my Fiance when I was 17. Now, I’m 21 and we’re not getting married for at least another 2 years though. I knew he was the one for me!!

Post # 65
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

It all just depends on the couple. Your family may just be protective over you seeing that half of all marriages in the US now end in divorce (marrying for the wrong reasons…$$).

Post # 66
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

There’s nothing wrong with waiting and having a longer engagement. I have 3 friends from college who got married at 18 and were divorced by graduation. The only one I knew who made is is Mormon and they never get divorced no matter what. A lot of teenagers in love get married because their parents won’t let them live together otherwise. That is not a good reason to rush.

I have friends my age (late 20s) who met at 19 and dated until getting engaged last year. Their relationship is an inspiration to me as they crossed countries, religions, and races but made it work. True love can wait!!!

Post # 67
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Here you are not even able to drink until you are 19. My theory is you should not be getting married if you cannot drink at your own reception, but to each his own. There are many, many threads on this topic.

Post # 68
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Identity isn’t fully developed until the mid to late 20s.  There is a tremendous amount of development between the ages of 20 and 28. 

While most people aren’t aware of the research around identity development, they do remember the major changes in their philosophies and personalities in that period.  This is when people “come into their own” and while some have experiences that solidify things they learned/experienced earlier in life, some leave those ideas behind and become very different people.  I think this is what your friends and family are expressing.

 

If you and your partner recognize that you are in for a decade of tremendous change and will support each other through that, you’ll be on a good path.

Post # 69
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think 18 is too young to get married. This isn’t because of bias (I started dating my Fiance when I Was 19,) it’s because of statistics. You are twice to three times more likely to get a divorce if you’re married before the age of 24 than if you marry after. A lot of people have personal anecdotes but that doesn’t represent all marriages accurately. Of course, I hope this doesn’t happen to you, but you can’t argue with statistics. I could have married my Fiance earlier, but there was nothing more important to us than making our relationship last forever so we waited until we were more mature to get engaged. Best of luck!  

Post # 70
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@cassandra102012:  I will give you the advice I gave my younger cousin who is your age and was going to get married…. if he is the one, he will be the one in a few years. There is such a difference in being 18 and being say 25. Enjoy being young. You can do it together. But, imo, I would not recommend getting married so young. there are plenty of couples who make it just fine, but I beleive that is more the exception than the rule. There is something to be said for waiting a few years into your 20’s to get married.

Of course, I always wish any happy couple the best and I do hope it works out for you. Just try and give it some thought and take into consideration the opinions of those around you who love you.

Post # 71
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@MabelleBliss:  its not that it CANT survive. it can. Its more that the likelihood of it surviving is less than if a committment was made after those changes happened. I can tell you that the things I valued in a partner are sooooo different from when i was 18 til now (im 27). Also, I am different. I function completely different as a person and I am a much different person than I was when I was 18. You just don’t know if as you grow that you will stay on the same page. I am way more solid in myself and my wants and needs in general now than I was then. I met my Fiance when i was 18 and we had a child at 20. that relationship did not last. It was not until we were older and had experienced more of life that we were able to come back to the table and form a real foundation.

Post # 72
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

I don’t get all the conversation on young brides. I’m nearly 20 and was engaged right before I turned 19 but after some time on the Bee I’m getting exhausted with people seeking validation. You’re getting married, congrats, I hope it works out, if it makes you happy who cares what people think, if it fails, accept that you will take the blame. Yes, I love my Fiance and we knew we’d get married 4 months in, nothing has changed 3 years after that, but I’m learning patience and having a long engagement because that’s what adults have to do sometimes.

If one wants to be considered an adult, then realize other people have more experience and are trying to help you. In the end, if you intend to be together forever, a year or 5 really doesn’t matter.

Post # 73
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@BrookeBQ:  exactly!!!!! if you are with the right person that wont change in a few years.

Post # 74
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@UpstateCait:  I second this!

OP – The people in your life only want what is best for you so if that many people are concerned, it is probably worth looking more into what they are worried about.

Can you guys fully support yourself 100%?  What jobs do/will you both have?  Where will you live?

Post # 75
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Biologically, speaking, you don’t have an adult brain until you’re around 25/26.  Until then, you’re brain’s in flux and still developing. It’s hard to understand what a difference those years make until you actually reach them.  The way you’re defending your decision really does sound like a teenager who thinks they know everything.  Which really doesn’t make a compelling argument for maturity and being ready for marriage.  

 

You’re going to find in the next few years you’re going to grow and change A LOT.  What your 18 year old self wants is a lot different than what your 21, 23, 25 year old self wants.  At 18, you haven’t really had a chance to establish who you are yet.  That’s why the old party poopers around you are not supporting your decision.

Post # 76
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

you’re four times more likely to get divorced if you get married than if you’d never gotten married in the first place. 

since my original reply, i am reminded of yet another couple from high school that are still married and together….28 years later.  so, that makes 4 friends of mine from high school, i was bridesmaids in 2 of the weddings.  we were babies, but still, they are all still married. and happy!.  i got married at 28 and i’m divorced, so it kinda blows that whole theory about getting married later in life out of the water. 

 

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