(Closed) 18 year old’s getting married?

posted 9 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 92
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

One of my dearest friends got her first boyfriend at 18, and then married him at 19.

Seven years later, they are happily married with three preschoolers (she’s a supermum!) and still call each other “love” and “honey”.

If you are serious about this, and have the proper support, I don’t think getting married so young is all bad news. Good on you, and make it work!

 

Post # 92
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2019

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cassandra102012:  I AM EXPERIENCING ALMOST THE EXACT SAME THING! I’m 15 and my boyfriend is 16. If we could get married tomorrow, we would. But that’s frowned upon by the cpurts, so we are going to marry when I’m 18 and he’s 19. We are perfectly happy, and super excited to spend the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately, any time people find out about our plans for the future, they think it’s absolutely insane. “you’re too young!” “You have no idea what you want!” And my personal favorite, “but what if it doesn’t work out?” We are at the age people are asking us what career we want to go into, what college we want to go to, decisions which are equally as life-changing and long-lasting as choosing a life partner, but that? We don’t know anything! It’s so frustrating that people don’t believe in our love and lifetime commitment to each other just because we aren’t 25 and 30. I know what you’re going through and you aren’t alone. I hope everything goes perfectly, and best wishes! I believe in you guys! 

Post # 93
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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amyandtony:  Well, I don’t think 15-19 year olds should be making ANY of those decisions at all, but that’s just me. 

Post # 94
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
amyandtony:  I met my future husband when I was fourteen. I knew we would get married when I was fifteen. We got engaged when we were twenty-one (his family wanted him to wait until he was thirty – yeah, that wasn’t happening XD), we’re getting married at twenty-fiveish.

There’s no meter stick that tells you you’re ready for marriage. There’s no age, no number of experiences to have, no magical formula that tells you if you’re ready to be married. My parents were 23, and FI’s parents were each married to two different people before they found each other in their mid-thirties. Ya just never know what will stick.

There are lots of things you can do to make your chances better – marriage coaching, having clear expectations for finances and marital roles, having a good education and employment opportunities, stable housing, etc. My favourite quote from an aunt of mine is “don’t get married until you can get divorced” (meaning that we could both be financially stable enough to live on our own or deal with a traumatic/expensive experience without each other – you need a solid network of family and friends!)

Marriage is more than being in love with someone. It’s like agreeing to get into a super weird startup business with a 50% chance of failure in the first five years. Either you make the most badass business plan together and work hard to make it thrive, accepting that failure is a possibility, or you sign the lease and cross your fingers it works.

Post # 95
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I did get married young and we are still happily married 14 years later. But if my daughter were to get married at 18, if she asked for my opinion…I would tell her to wait because there is so much more to learn (even though we still learn a ton more as we age). However if she is in a good relationship and they would want to proceed, I would support her even if I wasn’t okay with it. 

 

I always like to say that my husband and I aren’t the same people we were yesterday…(as in we have changed through out the years) and we are so much in love. We have been through alot of blessings, good and bad. 

 

Wishing you the best! Congratulations! 

Post # 96
Member
10306 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Oh god, so glad I didn’t marry the guy I was with when I was 18. Like seriously. I was like you, all hung ho, in love and ready. And guess what, by the time we were 23 he was ready to go out and have the youth he hadnt gotten to have before me. He didn’t want to marry me without sowing his oats so he started sowing those oats all around town while still with me.

It all seems hunky dory when you’re 18 and in love but believe me girlfriend, shit gets real in a few years and you will most likely wish  would have waited. 

Im not saying dump him or anything but maybe wait a few years before you have the wedding. Grow up some, live on your own for a while, support yourself, explore the world. Then settle down.

 Edit: Just saw this is four years old. But the same advice goes for all you youngins 

Post # 97
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Looking back, I didn’t know my ass from a hole in the ground at 18. And I’ve been on my own since 15 and have seen/experienced far more than I should have. Maturity wise, I feel about 80. 

I got married at 20. Divorced at 25. At 27, I’m a totally different person than I was at 20. We divorced because ultimately we did not grow together and could not navigate parenting a disabled child as a team. If you two can grow together, that’ll be a major success. I’m not saying don’t get married or that you aren’t mature enough nor old enough. Just acknowledge people change. You will change. He will change. Plans change. Weathering that together as a team will cement you together. 

I wish I had waited until I was a well rounded adult. I’d of had a lot less shit to clean up and fix lol. 

Post # 98
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

We weren’t 18. I was 20, only dated for 3 months before. We moved in together and got engaged after 9 months of being together. Certain people wer hurtful, not nearly as bad as your situation, but it was bad. So, we figured if we planned on making a such a commitment, what difference would it make if we delayed the wedding or not. So, to make everyone (including ourselves) happy, we’ve chosen to have a 3 year engagement. Getting married next year, and we’ve received nothing but support and apologiez from those once hurtful individuals. 

At the end of the day, you chose what makes you happy and what priorities you have. It is your life. Good luck!

Post # 99
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
cassandra102012:  I didn’t read the other comments because I’m pretty sure that I know what they’ll say, marrying young is a bad idea. I think that it depends on the individual. My sister and her husband were married when they were your age and they will celebrate their 25th anniversary later this year. They were both much more mature than your average 18 (her) and 20 (him) year olds, though, and knew what they were doing. They had the full support of family and they are kind of a power couple now. They are the exception, though, not the rule. I hope that you and your Fiance will be too. Best of luck to you. 

Post # 100
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2019

View original reply
MmeChachita:  thank you! That was very helpful and funny. I appreciate the wise words and acceptance. Thank you!

Post # 101
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

While i do understand you guys are in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together, if I had married the man I dated when I was in 18, I would be miserable And probably gone through some nasty divorce. What’s the rush bee, you guys have the rest of your lives together like you said, live it up! do things 18 year olds do, have fun and marriage should be the last thing on your mind right now. 

Post # 102
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Malibu Beach

I met my husband when i was 18, i married him 3 days after i turned 19, and i’ve never been happier. My family didn’t like it at first, but now that i’ve been married a year, and they’ve seen how well he takes care of me, they love him just as much as i do

Post # 103
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I feel like people just want something to judge. My older sister got married two years ago at 36 and she had several people make comment on her being “an old bride” and making jokes about how she shouldn’t wear white because she has children. 

 

In the end you have to just ignore people. If you love your fiance- and it sounds like you do very much- then get married. Marriage is a promise between two people, and it sounds like the only people that matter (the two of you) are excited about that promise.

Congrats on finding love in a world filled with bullshit! 

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