(Closed) + 1’s

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m doing the same thing and I have not heard any complaints. If they are engaged they get a plus one, but if i don’t know them and they are just dating they aren’t invited.  Honestly I dont really care to have people i dont know at my wedding.

Post # 4
Member
4124 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I don’t think it’s rude or insulting.  You can’t be expected to invite a bunch of people you don’t know! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Engaged, live together, or know them well seems to be like a good rule of thumb. People will just have to get over themselves. 

Post # 6
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I was living with my boyfriend (now FI) and didn’t get invited to a wedding that he was going to and I was PISSED.  At the same time, I am not giving everyone a plus one, but if I know they are dating someone, even if I haven’t met the person, they are invited.  If they are single, unless they are in the wedding party, they aren’t getting a +1.

Post # 7
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Just make sure that whatever criteria you use to determine who is invited / who isn’t, you apply it to every single guest.  That way no one can say “so-and-so’s girlfriend got invited but mine didn’t and we’ve been together for the same amount of time.” 

 

Post # 8
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

to the OP, I think it’s rude of the person who called you to tell you you were being rude!

 

I think if the guest has a serious significant other, then they should be invited.  Also your wedding party should get plus 1’s.  I also think people that do not know any other guests should get plus 1’s so they at least have someone to hang out with.  

Post # 9
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m picking and choosing my +1’s… we have some university friends coming from another city and they will all be sitting together. Since they all know each other and are not in serious relationships I don’t see the need for me to pay for randoms to eat 🙂 

However, I do have a few people coming who won’t know many others so I’m giving them the +1 option 

Post # 10
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I plan to treat social units as social units.  If you’re truly single when the invitations go out, and you start dating someone after, then too dern bad!  Lol- if someone is in a relationship then they get their +1.  Depending on how our final list looks, we are also considering giving +1’s to out of town guests who won’t know anyone else.

Post # 11
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with the PP, it’s incredibly rude of that guest to do that to you.  I think the general etiquette rule is to invite +1 if the person is engaged, live-in partners and for people who will not know anyone else.  Ie. A cousin does not need/get to invite his latest girlfriend of 4 days.   As a member of an extended family who believes in “the more the merrier” my guest list could easily go from 100 to 150 in a matter of seconds. 

I think most people realize that weddings are expensive and if only their name is on the invite it’s just meant for them.  However, there will always be those people who ask so you could say, “I am so sorry, but due to space limitations we simply cannot accomodate extra guests.”  I feel for you!!  I am not looking forward to sending out invites because of this.

Post # 12
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was complaining to my mom about this yesterday and she said, “Engaged, living together or married. You have to draw the line somewhere.” So I did! 

Post # 13
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I think it’s rude to expect your guests to attend an event alone. I have declined a wedding in the past because my then boyfriend was not invited. We weren’t living together yet (had been togther for a year though), but it was a serious relationship and not just some fling. It was insulting that my relationship was considered “not as important”, so I don’t get to bring someone. Weddings are all about love and relationships, and you expect some people to sit there alone? If they choose not to bring a guest, thats fine, but at least extend the offer.

Post # 14
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@DaneLady:  I think this is a good compromise.

Post # 15
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve been on the other side of this equation. When my coworker/friend was married a few years ago, I was invited without Darling Husband (BF at the time – we had been living together for almost 5 years at this point). She made it a point to say that only those who were married would get a +1. Darling Husband doesn’t really know her well and probably wouldn’t have attended the wedding anyway but it did sting a little especially since we had been together for so long and we were hardly just boyfriend and girlfriend. Not that it really matters but we had also been together longer than she and her soon to be hubby but my relationship wasn’t committed enough to get a +1. I still went and enjoyed myself but it would have been nice if she could have extended my long time, live in boyfriend an invitation.

With that said, she had a guest list of like 55 and adding one more wouldn’t have affected anything but in your situation, it seems like space is the real issue. I think the general “married, engaged or living together” rule is probably a good one to follow. You may have some one-offs with special circumstances (like they’ve been dating for years but don’t fit into any of the above categories) that I would probably include but if you’ve never met the SO, it doesn’t really make any sense to extend an invitation to them. It was important to us that we knew every single person at our wedding which is why we didn’t give +1’s to those who would more than likely bring their flavor of the week. 

Post # 16
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

No one is EVER entitled to be invited to a party unless they paid for it. That includes weddings. Your friend was very rude. If they don’t like your guest list, they do not have to come.

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