(Closed) +1s for co-workers?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

if you have the money and the space, (and the kindness) to invite them with a plus one, i think they would appreciate it.

that being said, i would be shocked if i got to bring SO to a coworker’s wedding unless we were friends outside of work.

so, it’s nice but not necessary.

Post # 4
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would say yes to +1’s, especially for co-workers that are married or in serious relationships, even if you don’t know the spouse.

Post # 5
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Always invite all guests with their SO. It’s also smart to budget as if all guests will have a SO at the time of the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

The etiquette rule is that the business domain, and the social domain, are two separate parts of your life that may impinge on one another, but which should not be merged: that business events and social occasions should never be confused or combined.

Learning to set your boundaries appropriately is one of the most important challenges of your early business life. It isn’t always easy because business itself sometimes disguises business events as social events. But make no mistake: at the Company Christmas Party the C.E.O. outranks your grandma even if she is eighty years old and the Chairwomen of the local I.O.D.E. chapter; and the Company Family Picnic is more about giving lip-service to the idea that they support “work-life balance” than it is about relaxing in the great out-of-doors. When you attend business parties of this sort, your spouse needs to put on his/her “supportive employee spouse” face; and your children need the stern warning that they had better be nice to all the other children, because the other children’s daddies have the power to have you fired.

A social hostess should only invite people with whom she is socially acquainted. If you think of someone as a friend, and know their home address and the name of their spouse, then feel free to invite them (with their spouse of course), even if they work in the next cubicle. That is not “inviting co-workers”, that is inviting friends, which is entirely appropriate.

Post # 8
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If you dont socialize with them outside of work why bother especially a wedding with your nearest and dearest, I had a small wedding so the choice was easy only closest friends and family and one close old co-worker whose house I’ve stayed over in VT to ski when I moved away  I know her husband and kids and we are good friends and hang out outside of work and keep in touch and see each other even til now- why even invite co-workers you don’t socalize with, business and social life are separate; if you don’t know their SO it means you’re not close enough to invite them why have strangers at the most special day in your life?

Post # 10
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you don’t socialize with them outside of work, I wouldn’t invite them at all.  We’re inviting FI’s co-workers but not mine- we hang out with FI’s co-workers outside of his work a few times a year, and he goes out for happy hour with them all the time. My co-workers and I are all friendly, but we don’t see each other outside of work, ever.

That said, couples are social units. Especially with married couples, you absolutely should not invite one half the couple without the other. Period.  Engaged couples same.  Boy/girlfriends fall into fuzzier territory, but the only real excuse for not inviting someone’s boy/girlfriend is you didn’t know the SO existed, in which case if the invited person says something the only appropriate response is “oh I’m sorry, we must’ve made an oversight. We can’t wait to see you both there!”

Post # 11
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s always appropriate to invite guests to bring a guest, whether it’s a married couple or just a date. For most people, it’s no fun at all to show up to social functions alone.

I have been invited to weddings and been expected to attend alone in the past. I think it’s a pretty rude thing to do in the name of saving money, particularly if someone chooses to only invite +1 spouses.

Post # 13
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I too am a bit of an Etiquette Snob, and as usual @aspasia475:  nailed it !!

If they are “friends” you can invite them… if not skip em

Otherwise… way too much potential drama can float into your personal life otherwise… no one at work needs to know that Aunt Sally said something inappropriate, or Uncle Bob made a fool of himself by having too much to drink.  These are your relatives (family) and therefore in a work environment they shouldn’t reflect on you… but if you have given “an invite” to a co-worker who doesn’t have YOU at heart (by being YOUR Friend) then they might

Worklife and Homelife really should be two seperate things.

NOTE – I am over 50, and have made this type of mistake in my first marriage as a Newlywed… inviting the Boss over for Dinner (pretty common in my day).  And well lets just say, it wasn’t a good idea in the long run because it “blurred” the lines too much… and made my time in that job way too complicated thereafter.  A mistake I wisely NEVER made again.

 

Post # 14
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can appreciate the don’t mix business with social events.  However,  I think you also need to take into account your specifici situation.  For example, I work on a very small team (3 people) at work.  We work closely together and all get along very well.  While I do not socialize with them outside of work there was no way I could not invite them.  I extended +1s to their spouses as well.  

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