(Closed) 1st cousins over 18 not invited to wedding

posted 12 years ago in Reception
Post # 47
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

yeah….I think all brides have to deal with this.  I have a huge family so I only invited 1st cousins over 16.  One of my great-aunts (my grandmothers sister, 1 of 10 by the way), replied by invited all of her children and grandchildren (+11) and then called me all sorts of names when I told her the invitation was just for herself and husband.  obviously, she decided not to come.  and thank goodness.  who really wants people like that at their wedding?

Post # 48
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@FutureMrsMorgan – Your great-aunt replied +11?  OMG!  I hope you saved that response to laugh about in the future.  Seriously, people can be so selfish, it truly amazes me.

Post # 49
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Did she just write all their names out or did she do:


11   will attend


___ will not attend


That was the thing I found interesting. Everyone does the RSVP different. Some wrote their name(s) and checked off what they’d be doing. Some wrote their name(s) and a number. Some circled (wtf there’s a line there). Some wrote “Yes” or “No”

A lot of people wrote little notes, which was cute. 

Post # 50
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Just a note: This was this poster’s first post and she hasn’t posted a reply or on another post since. I feel like this was either a thread just to get brides riled up, or the OP just left and hasn’t come back. 🙂

Post # 51
1 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am going through the same situation right now with my uncle, who is also my godfather.  My fiance and I chose to have an adult reception, excluding all kids under 21.  The ONLY exception was our bridal party.  My uncle immediately sent back his rsvp which only stated Mr. and Mrs. on the invitaion, and replied that 4 people would be attending, which included my 2 cousins. ages 12 and 9 i believe.  They are 1st cousins, but they are kids, which were not included in our guest list

i called him the next morning and he yelled at me and then hung up on me, saying he wasnt coming to my wedding anymore.  then he decides to email me reiterating everything he said on the phone.  I replied back that it was a very difficult decision because we love all our cousins, but are paying for our wedding, on top of all our home renovations and furnishings, and simply cannot afford it, but hope he still attends.  he responded back that if i changed my mind, he’d change his. 

every since then, everyone on that side of the family responded no, and my family is extremely hurt by the disgusting behavior of my uncle.  i tried calling him again last night to sort things out and he hung up on me again… im done…

so a bit of advice from a disgusted bride to be… get yourself a little bit of class and either have enough respect to your niece and her family and go to the wedding, or keep your opinions to yourself, stop causing trouble, and stay home

Post # 52
102 posts
Blushing bee

Technically, people over the age of 18 in your household should get their own invitation. If they did not get one or if she gives you this explanation, I think that it is pretty clear that they are not invited. Just because two grandparents are not coming does not mean that those two empty seats are for you. Also, the fact that she is inviting cousins UNDER 18, shows that she thinks that people OVER 18 would be able to understand. Your children are not young and will definitely understand it. And if not now, when they decide to pay for their own weddings, they most definitely will. I would not hold this against her… weddings are 100x more expensive now then when you got married and parents hardly ever pay for it anymore. Try to be understanding and if you do not want to go without yours sons… she needs to be understanding… I would still send her a gracious gift as not to cause a family rift. 

Post # 53
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Actually, the invitation DID say they weren’t invited. Your children’s names were not on the invitation. Only people who are specifically named on the invite are invited. As someone who has a large extended family, and a modest budget with the desire to keep the wedding intimate, I can completely understand where she is coming from. She has to draw a line somewhere. Just remember that this is a rule that applies to everyone – so it isn’t personal!

Post # 54
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Honestly, very honestly, how much do 18 and 21 year old boys enjoy weddings?  

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