- 2 years ago
Looking for advice. Im a college kid. My first relationship I was madly in love with someone for a year and a half. I thought it was true love and would have done anything for him. He had a best friend who was a girl and a clique of two other kids. they all knew each other from high school. Three months in, everything was going well. Until I discovered my ex was texting his best friend (the girl) multiple “i love you’s” when he hadnt even said it to me. It made me feel weird but i just shrugged it off. Then I realized he would spend the entire day with her morning till night 7 days a week, and then when I would see him at night he would be up skype chatting with her. I didnt realize it was her he was talking too. I started to feel horrible when I would be in the room and she would walk in, sit in his lap, and he would be very handsy with her and him/her would make all these personal jokes. 4th month in I took him aside and told him this was making me feel horrible and uncomfortable. I asked him if it would be ok if he could establish boundaries and not say i love you as much to her. He was very enraged and talked to the girl. who in turn got mad at me for asking such a “ridiculous request” and “who was I to tear their relationship apart”
I was never trying too. I felt like a second girlfriend and I felt like shit. I thought at that point maybe i was being controlling and overally freaked out at that point
But their behavior only got worse. She would make him food, he would drop things even if we were on a date and rush to her side, he would go to her for everything and on top of it he shared my darkest family secrets with her. Without every informing me that he was doing so.
There was not a single thing we did without her knowing. I was getting upset, angry and frustrated. I went and talked to her around 7 months and told her what i felt, and said “hey ill step aside and you can date him I hate feeling this way.” And she just laughed, said it was not like thatand then said “you will never mean to him as much as he means to me”. I was so hurt, angry and confused. I began to seriously resent and hate her, and ontop my ex would just text her things such as “oh she’s just jealous.”
Things staretd getting really ugly later on. I found a video of her singing to him tucking him into bed. And they started sneaking around to talk and chat. Ontop she would post irritating comments online without mentioning names and roll her eyes everytime I came near. I made it clear to him about 3/4 into the relationship that I was putting my foot down and said either her or me. it took me ten months to get to that point. He was miserable and angry at the fact i was making him choose. I never wanted it to happen but i couldnt deal with the amount of emotional pain they were causing me.
His inability to choose, and his silent resentment of me for making him do so, and combined with her and her friends attitude and inability to cooperate with me and respect my feelings drove me to make a horrible mistake. I sent two- or three fake emails (non threatning) saying she was horrible and needed to learn manners and respect people. i did call her a bitch in one of these emails. Third email I took it back and apolgized saying this was a mistake.
But that caused shit to go apart. I apologized profusely for my mistakes. and i know i was wrong. I never acted like that before ever. Since then my ex said i was crazy and controlling, and I had to apologize to the girl.
Since then both have posted online about me saying I was a bitch and horrible and psychotic. this has gone on for multiple months. And their younger siblings who are also friends also posted online saying “no crazy ex girlfriend will ever come between our friendship”
I know now that i should have walked away sooner and had more self respect. But my love and nievty had blinded me, and ontop i was struggling to understand why they couldnt establish some boundaries. What kind of friends do those things and ontop do each other’s laundry?
I made a mistake in the end. But im only human and i didnt know how to handle it. But they both used that mistake of mine to justify their behavior and they still dont get my side at all. Ive been having a hard time dealing with this. Advice is appreciated. sorry for the long post.