Post # 1
Let me start off by saying, my first love was my high school sweetheart, we broke up over 8 years ago after a couple of years of being together into college and had major compatability issues, so I never questioned my decision to break up with him. I love my fiance more than anything and we have been together for 7 years, so when I found out that my ex got married recently, I was surprised that I had a twinge of sadness and wondering about what would have happened if we stayed together. I am a rational and logical thinker, so I know what would have happened, I guess I was just taken aback that those feelings would pop up seemingly out of nowhere. I know people say that people will always “have a special place in their heart for their first love”, and I think this is a case of that happening. I needed to vent..has anyone else had this happen to them, despite being in a happy relationship planning your own wedding? Thanks guys.
Post # 3
I think that is natural. I’ve wondered that before about my ex-husband (who was my highschool sweetheart too), and he was a royal jerk when we went to college, nothing like the guy I knew when we were in high school. No way in HELL I would actually want to be in a relationship with him (he was a cheater and a liar), but I think it’s human nature to wonder “what if”. Then I just remind myself of how horrible he was and how great my fiance.
Post # 4
I definitely think that’s natural too. I’m crazy in love with my fiance and I know he’s the only person I want to spend my life with. I never felt that way in any of my past relationships.
At the same time, I was very good friends with my one ex for quite a while, both before and after we dated. He is now in a serious relationship but not engaged yet, and even though I never had any regrets about ending my relationship with him, something waaay in the back of my head still identifies him as “mine” and I know I’m going to get those same feelings you described when he does eventually get married. Oh well.
Post # 5
i think i was just jealous when my ex got married. i was dating my now husband and we were getting pretty serious, but like i said i was just jealous.
Post # 6
I definitely know what you mean. This exact same thing just happened to me. My first love, first kiss, first of all those important things, and I broke up about 12 years ago. He tried to get back with me a few years after the inital break up and I convinced him that it was over, even though I had doubts too. I have been with my fiance now for almost 9 years and love him dearly. I just found out that my ex was getting married and had had no clue. I knew he was involved with someone, but had no clue that he was engaged. He just got married on June 5th. I have dreamt about him the last two nights and even woke up the Saturdya after their wedding thinking it was that day. I felt weird all day about it. I have no desire to be with him at all, but I think it is just human nature to wonder, “what if?”
Not gonna lie, I’m a bit bothered by it and I am not really clear as to why…
Hope that makes you feel better, cause it sure made me feel better when I read your post. I am happy to know this is not uncommon, cause I was kinda wondering what was up with me!
Post # 7
Me too-and later my ex sent me a picture of him and his new baby. LOL! I was like…uh…okay thanks. Don’t worry I think it’s natural.
Post # 8
Thanks to everyone who responded, you all have echoed my sentiments and feelings, and it feels a lot better to know that I am not the only one who has had this happen.
@artbee–I might be a little jealous too, I think that I am also antsy for my own wedding to get here, especially since my fiance and I have already been engaged for a year! and I found out that they got married just a couple months after getting engaged
@abbyful–i would never want to get back together with him either, we just didn’t agree on certain things, and it would not have worked out between us in the long run!
@summerhill–the “mine” feeling is something i have experienced as well
@natdawn–this guys was my first everything too, so i think its def. tough to let some of that go, i dream about him sometimes still too, and it weirds me out from time to time, esp. since its been so long since we were together!
@flamingred–I have no idea what i would do in that situation, its like, really? you want to send me a pic of your baby…thanks!
You guys have helped me feel so much better! you rock!
Post # 9
Oh, totally natural. I saw that my ex changed his Facebook to “in a relationship” and I had weird feelings about it. We broke up over five years ago, and I’m over him, and uh, MARRIED!
When my first boyfriend got married, it hurt like hell. I was single at the time, and he was my first love, and he broke my heart.
Post # 10
My situation was just the reverse. I saw my ex at a gas station in my hometown and he yelled and cussed at me for getting married. Uh….Makes me remeber WHY I walked away and found a BETTER man (whom I married!)
Post # 11
yeah I think it’s natural…I felt the same way after I found out that my ex (who was my first everything) got married…then I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he felt the same way when I got married. I think when someone who you once cared deeply for finds a deeper connection with someone ele, a part of you wonders “what if”…might be a little jealousy, might be a little of everything…I find now that i know he felt some kind of way about me getting married, for some reason I check his facebook profile more often to see what he’s up to…
Post # 12
One of my serious boyfriends (and I have only ever had two other than my now-husband) got married this past weekend. He was the last guy I dated before I met my husband. I actually had a dream about it last night. I do genuinely feel happy for him and would like to send him a note congratulating him, but I know I need to wait until a little more time has passed since the wedding so that he doesn’t have to deal with messages from me while he’s off on his honeymoon somewhere. I think it’s totally normal to think about this stuff and to have feelings about it.
Post # 13
I’ll add to the chorus of how very natural it is to feel the way you do! I’m actually going through the same thing at this very moment. The Ex and I broke up 4 years ago after being together for 6 years. I ended the relationship after it became clear he had no interest in marrying me–he was waiting to find someone his family would approve of more. So he married a woman in April that he’d been dating for less than 6 months. It was a courthouse wedding (she has visa issues and was going to be deported otherwise), and they are having the big traditional Chinese wedding banquet on Labor Day weekend.
Meanwhile, my sweet boyfriend proposed to me in March of this year, and we are planning a wedding too!
Since we’re all friends here I’ll tell you about the strange urges I have to snark on everything related to my ex’s wedding. I am sorely tempted to purchase the absolute tackiest thing on the registry, and am even more tempted to greet all his family members at the wedding and show them my engagement ring! Just thinking about it makes me feel a little better. 🙂
And I had a “When Harry Met Sally” moment when he told me he was engaged (he made the announcement at my birthday party for goodness sake) When Sally gets the call from her ex (joe) who is getting married, she says, “I always said he didn’t want to get married, but the truth is…he didn’t want to marry ME!” It hurts, no matter how long ago it ended, and no matter how much happier you are now with someone else.
Post # 14
My ex had a baby and that weirded me out.
Post # 15
I agree with a lot of the other posters, I think it’s VERY common! I know it happened for me.
Post # 16
Yup, I think it’s totally normal. What’s funny is, I dated this guy for 4ish years, we were pretty serious but he had no intention of marrying me. We broke up, I started dating my now FI a few months later, and the ex started dating someone else almost right away too. It’s been 4 years since the ex and I broke up. My FI proposed in April, and the ex heard about it through a mutual friend. He called me to say hello and congratulations, and let me know he is planning to propose to his girlfriend as well. We actually acknowledged, to each other, that we both felt weird about getting married to other people, even though we know we don’t want to be together and that we love and want to marry the people we are with now.
I think it’s just that there is always a part of you that, like summerhill said, identifies someone you loved deeply as “mine” even if you’ve let them go and moved on!
@srast: YES! The “When Harry Met Sally” analogy is a great one! I felt the same way, even though I’m engaged, I still had a fleeting “Wait, the ex was all against marriage, but now he’s getting married, so really he didn’t want to marry ME!” Even though I don’t love him anymore…that’s still a little insulting!!