Post # 1
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
Ok so I’m not trying to be smug or braggy but I really want to hear other people’s experiences.
Everyone always told us that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I’m sure we’ve all heard this and braced ourselves accordingly. Well Darling Husband and I have been married for over four months, (a third of the year), and it’s honestly amazing. No arguments, no adjustments, no difficulties. Just newlywed bliss.
I started thinking about this and my theory is that because we lived together before marriage, we avoided the adjustment period which might be what makes the 1st year of marriage so hard for some people.
So Bees, what has been your experience regarding your first year of marriage? Did you live together before marriage? Do you think your living arrangement had something to do with how your first year of marriage went?
Post # 3
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
We lived together before marriage for nearly three years (I think, I can’t keep track of timelines anymore..I’m too in love and time has flown!). It was rough at first, so I think that was the hardest part of our relationship. I pretty much ran away from home and straight into his parents house when we first started dating so matching up his expectations to mine took a lot of effort. I was still fresh out of high school and it was hard for me to realize that if I wanted to be in a serious relationship headed towards marraige I needed to straighten up a little. We got on the same track, things got better, and it’s been mostly smooth sailing ever since.
We’ve only been married for two months today, but we’ve had no major issues. I know we faught around my birthday but that was stupid and I wished it hadn’t’ve happened. I can’t imagine things will always be perfect for us (we still have a lot of schooling to do, etc) as the journey is often tough for lots of people, but I’m confident that this first year will pretty much sail by pretty well.
There has been some adjustment, but I feel being married has made thing less stressful for us, not more. The planning is over, and we learned the good communication skills during dating. We’ve had a shared bank account since we moved in together, so nothing really is different for us besides the ring and my name. We already considered ourselves husband and wife I think.
Post # 4
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
Darling Husband and I didn’t live together before we got married. I voted for the “easy” option, but frankly, I’ve never believed in the whole “the first year is the hardest” bit. Granted, every marriage is different, but there are so many things that will come up during a marriage that I can’t really believe that the first year is going to be the most difficult. I can’t state definitively whether or not our premarital living situation had anything to do with how easy or hard our first year was, but I’ve never been comfortable with premarital cohabitation and I’m happy that our first year of marriage allowed us to learn even more about each other and adjust to unexpected quirks 🙂
Post # 5
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
I chose other. Darling Husband and I didn’t live together before we were married, and the transition has been really smooth. Things between us are great! But life circumstances haven’t been easy for us since getting married (a lot of things beyond our control), so I didn’t feel like I could pick that option. We’re kind of amazed by how well we’re doing, though, in spite of all the crazy things that have happened. It would have been easy to take out all of our stress on each other, but we haven’t been doing that – we’re taking care of each other first and foremost, and I’m really thankful for that.
Post # 6
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
Ours hasn’t been picture perfect, but I’ve lived hard so this is still pretty easy for me. lol. We didn’t live together till we got married & we didn’t have “sleep overs” either. I think our choice in how we decide to handle things is what’s made it as easy as it’s been….
We do have a couple of factors that naturally bring in more “heavy conversations” but we’ve never had “fights”
1. I have a 7 y/o son, so we’re a blended family & Darling Husband is still young (21)… He’s an amazing father though (surprising considering most guys his age) and DS has adjusted really well.
2. We’ve been married 9 months & I’m 7 months pregnant! So I’ve gone through feeling like crap, don’t touch me (which is greeeeeaaaaat for a sex life) and of course the normal adjusting getting ready for a new addition to the family. Darling Husband STILL has been amazing
All in all though I couldn’t ask for a better first year! =)
Post # 7
Member
11390 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
My husband & I lived together 9 months before we got married. I never noticed anything becoming rocky! I even told several friends & my mom this because I thought we would maybe argue more once living together at first getting use to it.
The only hard thing during our first year of marriage was that I had a MC. Otherwise it was a great year!
Post # 8
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
@runsyellowlites: you’ve been pregnant for nine months and seven months? Sorry that made me giggle..
Post # 9
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I chose other, due to besides our first year of marriage we also have a newborn that came into our lives and that makes it little more diffucult.
Post # 10
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
@SleepingWithNuns: lol yea… I saw that & fixed it as quick as I could. Gosh darn baby brain. Lol
Post # 11
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
Our marriage has also been awesome and we did not live together before the wedding. The transition into marriage was extremely natural for us. I think that the reason for this came from the fact that we knew eachother extremely well. We were together for six years and knew exactly who we were marrying. We were aware of the things we will need to work on and talked about them before the wedding. We knew what we were expecting from eachother and our marriage and that certainly helped. We’ve had a blast so far!
Post # 12
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
We only lived together 2 months before we got married but the first year was easy and fun for us. I guess we’re both pretty laid back types because I didn’t feel so irritated by annoying habits. Quite frankly I think the first couple of months after having a baby is FAR more stressful on your marriage. Especially when both of you are sleep-deprived and are spending little to no quality time together.
Post # 13
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
We didn’t “officially” live together till we were married though i would stay at his house most weekenights and usually all weekend so I had an idea of his habits. I’ve been married for 11 months today and its been great! every second of it!
Post # 14
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
I can’t comment on the whole year (we’ve only been married a bit over a month) but we lived together for a year and a half before we got married. We never had any major conflicts when we moved in, but I do think that we got over those transitions/growing pains that come with sharing your life, space, and time comletely with someone else.
I do think living together first is a factor, because I think a lot of these pieces of traditional marriage wisdom come from a very different time. To be honest, nothing much has changed that much since we got married aside from that I can call him my husband now!
Post # 15
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
@HelpfulMarriedGirl: Completely agree. Moving in together is an adjusmentt, but having a baby was the thing that put the most stress on us. There are so many times when you’re tired, the baby is cranky, and it is just frustrating.
Post # 16
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
It’s been a little of both.
We lived together for 3 years before getting married so we were very comfortable cohabitating.
However, one week after we got married we moved overseas to London. So the adjustment for me has been hard since I quit my job in the US, have yet to find a job here, and I don’t know anyone here. So while Darling Husband is at work all day… I’m a Stay-At-Home Wife.
So needless to say I’ve had my emotional ups and downs dealing with this move, and sometimes I do let that spill over into the relationship.
However, I think the issue is more living in a brand new country and knowing no one other than my husband, rather than it being our first year of marriage.
If anything our relationship feels even better and stronger than it did before we got married.
