Post # 1
I found out last night that 2 of my oldest and closest friends might not make it to our wedding. Their son (my Godson) turns 1 the day before, and they had started planning his 1st birthday party for that day. She only brought it up when I went to her house last night and after I asked if they’d gotten their invite. She looked awkward and mumbled something about wishing we talked more, and said that she had already started telling people that was the day, so she still had to ‘figure out how that would work’. Obviously, I’m not mad at them for this, they wouldn’t have known ahead of time that we bumped the date closer (Sadly, for reasons I don’t know, we’ve grown apart in the last few years) and I knew his birthday was around the same time but honestly thought there was enough time to work around both. It’s the only weekend we could have our wedding unless we wanted to wait until fall and I *really* wanted a summer wedding. I guess I’m upset that we’ve grown apart and neither of us knew what the other one was thinking, and that if she really is planning his birthday party for that day that I didn’t know, as neither of them even mentioned it. I told her that of course his first birthday was a huge deal, and while I would love nothing more than for them to be there, I’d understand if they couldn’t work around it and not to stress about it. There’s so much more important things to worry about in life, and we can always get together for dinner or something if it they can’t cancel or change his party. But I’m still upset and sad by the whole situation.
Post # 3
Frankly, coming from a mother, a one year old would have no idea whether it was his birthday or not. I would have no hesitation in rescheduling my son’s birthday party in order to attend a friend’s wedding.
Post # 4
I second that, especially if I were to be in the wedding!! My two oldest friends didn’t come to my shower, or rsvp, or anything…never mind the wedding..its a Destination Wedding so I know they aren’t…..it sucks!
Post # 5
@MerryWidow: So sorry to hear that! I might be in the same boat. I just now got off the phone with my best friend (who lives 300 miles away from me now) and she said she’s having some health issues lately. We also discussed the wedding and she said, “I hope I can still come.” The thought of her not being there makes me so sad and I’m so concerned for her. She’s so far away I can’t really even be there for her like I want to.
Sending a hug to you and hope it works out.
Post # 6
I can understand why you’re feeling upset, OP.
My Fiance and I just found out yesterday that the JOP can’t marry us the Friday we had been planning around for 2 years. We’re only having a handful of people attend the ceremony, and one of those invited is my FI’s best friend and witness- His cousin. We called him last night to tell him that we had to bump the ceremony up a day and he can no longer make it. 🙁 He is in his final year of college and taking a studio class that if he misses, he fails. We completely understand, but we (my Fiance especially) are really bummed about it.
I know that it’s a crappy thing to happen to you, but perhaps keeping in mind that your wedding will still be wonderful and full of love without them there may ease your mind a bit. That’s what we’re trying to do.
Post # 7
I’m sorry this is now just coming up. I have to agree with julies1949 though.
Post # 9
Some of this is cultural— my neighbors threw a MASSIVE bash for each of their kids’ first birthdays, we’re talking 80 guests in a tiny townhouse, moon bounce in the driveway, all the bells and whistles, because that’s just how it’s done in their families. I am not a parent but I would never assume a friend would be expected to shift their kid’s birthday party for my wedding, and it doesn’t matter if the kid is only a year old and won’t remember a thing; the party is for the family, and the kid is just the guest of honor. And with all those guests, if the date is already set, there’s no way it’s getting changed. Even with a small guest list, once the date is posted, it’s on, no changes, because people make plans based on that date!
At any rate, OP if you’re really upset over having grown apart from your friends, use this scheduling conflict as an excuse to renew your friendship. Suggest that you pick a mutually agreeable time a couple of weeks after the wedding and get together. Share photos and stories from both events. Have lunch. Drink some wine. Chances are it will help rebuild your friendship. You’ve only grown apart because time passes and people get busy, no falling out to smooth over, so if you each make an effort to spend time together, chances are you will pick up where you left off.
Post # 10
Thanks ladies. It’s making me so sad to think about. I missed their wedding because it was 2 days after Darling Husband1 died, and it was over an hour away and I was dazed and in shock to drive to the store, let alone another state. They were so good about it, and even brought me one of their wedding cupcakes when they returned. So, it’s not like them missing my wedding is *that* big of a deal, kind of par for the course really.
Sorry everyone else is going through stuff like this too!!
Post # 11
@MerryWidow: You are reacting soooo much better than a lot of brides would in your situation!!! I love that you are not being selfish about your wedding. Maybe they can work something out… for your sake, I hope they do!
Post # 12
I agree that the child won’t know what date the party fell on…….. but the 1st birthday party isn’t actually for the kid. But she may be having her own “huge” party and had to coordinate accomodating family members from out of town.
When my daughter turned 1, we had 50 family memeber from both sides come in from Texas, NY, Oklahoma, Chicago and Minneapolis. It wasn’t somehing I could have “just rescheduled”. We actually combined the 1st birthday with her baptism, so it was a pretty big deal. I mean I’m sad to miss a friends wedding. But this is MY child and MY family.
That’s MORE people than I am having at THIS wedding!!!!!! And I’m not even elaborate…. by most people’s standards. it just happened that our family is all from out of town and we did the baptism the same day.
@MerryWidow You may have grown apart just because she was pregnant and then had a baby….. puts a damper on your social life, if you have friends that aren’t childless.
One thing you can do is set up a skype! not sure if they are in town and close, but then your friend could still be with you to watch the actual ceremony, but wouldn’t have to spend the time it would take to actually attend.
Post # 13
Oh lawd, what is it with 1st birthdays that it HAS to be on the exact day the baby was born!? Like julies said, they don’t know what da HAIL is going on! Granted, it’s more of a celebration for the parents, but come on! Your friend’s wedding is the following day, just move the date. It saddens me to see so many people’s bridesmaids and even Maid/Matron of Honor not make it to the wedding due to FORESEEN circumstances. ::sigh::
But all anger aside, you are very strong, kind, and patient person. If it were me, I wouldn’t invite that friend to anything anymore… but I’m vengeful like that
Post # 14
@WhiteWedding: I think I’m just as upset about me missing their son’s birthday party, LOL. It’s just a tough spot, all around.
Post # 15
It sounds like you have a pretty healthy outlook–its natural to be disappointed. As long as you realize that no one did anything wrong, it’s just an unfortunate situation, it happens. My fiance’s uncle bought a cruise trip for the week of our wedding the week before he got the save the date, so he can’t make it. Of course we’re bummer but trying to focus on the many many people who WILL be there, and we know he’ll be there in spirit.
Post # 16
Wow, you guys who are saying “if she doesn’t move her kid’s party, she’s so inconsiderate” are a little out of line— the friend has said that she’s already started telling people the date! You can’t expect the friend to change the date when her own guests may have turned down other plans, made travel plans, and so forth! If you are so shortsighted as to not see the bigger picture every time life doesn’t work out in your favor, then you may end up with no friends left!