(Closed) 2 best friends might not come to my wedding.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Frankly, coming from a mother, a one year old would have no idea whether it was his birthday or not. I would have no hesitation in rescheduling my son’s birthday party in order to attend a friend’s wedding.

Post # 4
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I second that, especially if I were to be in the wedding!! My two oldest friends didn’t come to my shower, or rsvp, or anything…never mind the wedding..its a Destination Wedding so I know they aren’t…..it sucks!

Post # 5
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MerryWidow:   So sorry to hear that!  I might be in the same boat.  I just now got off the phone with my best friend (who lives 300 miles away from me now) and she said she’s having some health issues lately.  We also discussed the wedding and she said, “I hope I can still come.”  The thought of her not being there makes me so sad and I’m so concerned for her.  She’s so far away I can’t really even be there for her like I want to. 

Sending a hug to you and hope it works out.

Post # 6
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can understand why you’re feeling upset, OP.

My Fiance and I just found out yesterday that the JOP can’t marry us the Friday we had been planning around for 2 years.  We’re only having a handful of people attend the ceremony, and one of those invited is my FI’s best friend and witness- His cousin.  We called him last night to tell him that we had to bump the ceremony up a day and he can no longer make it.  🙁  He is in his final year of college and taking a studio class that if he misses, he fails.  We completely understand, but we (my Fiance especially) are really bummed about it.

I know that it’s a crappy thing to happen to you, but perhaps keeping in mind that your wedding will still be wonderful and full of love without them there may ease your mind a bit.  That’s what we’re trying to do.

Post # 7
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry this is now just coming up.  I have to agree with julies1949 though.

Post # 9
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Some of this is cultural— my neighbors threw a MASSIVE bash for each of their kids’ first birthdays, we’re talking 80 guests in a tiny townhouse, moon bounce in the driveway, all the bells and whistles, because that’s just how it’s done in their families. I am not a parent but I would never assume a friend would be expected to shift their kid’s birthday party for my wedding, and it doesn’t matter if the kid is only a year old and won’t remember a thing; the party is for the family, and the kid is just the guest of honor.  And with all those guests, if the date is already set, there’s no way it’s getting changed.  Even with a small guest list, once the date is posted, it’s on, no changes, because people make plans based on that date!

At any rate, OP if you’re really upset over having grown apart from your friends, use this scheduling conflict as an excuse to renew your friendship.  Suggest that you pick a mutually agreeable time a couple of weeks after the wedding and get together. Share photos and stories from both events. Have lunch. Drink some wine. Chances are it will help rebuild your friendship.  You’ve only grown apart because time passes and people get busy, no falling out to smooth over, so if you each make an effort to spend time together, chances are you will pick up where you left off.

Post # 11
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MerryWidow:  You are reacting soooo much better than a lot of brides would in your situation!!! I love that you are not being selfish about your wedding. Maybe they can work something out… for your sake, I hope they do!

Post # 12
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree that the child won’t know what date the party fell on…….. but the 1st birthday party isn’t actually for the kid.  But she may be having her own “huge” party and had to coordinate accomodating family members from out of town.

When my daughter turned 1, we had 50 family memeber from both sides come in from Texas, NY, Oklahoma, Chicago and Minneapolis.  It wasn’t somehing I could have “just rescheduled”.  We actually combined the 1st birthday with her baptism, so it was a pretty big deal.  I mean I’m sad to miss a friends wedding.  But this is MY child and MY family.

That’s MORE people than I am having at THIS wedding!!!!!!  And I’m not even elaborate…. by most people’s standards.  it just happened that our family is all from out of town and we did the baptism the same day.

@MerryWidow  You may have grown apart just because she was pregnant and then had a baby….. puts a damper on your social life, if you have friends that aren’t childless.

One thing you can do is set up a skype!  not sure if they are in town and close, but then your friend could still be with you to watch the actual ceremony, but wouldn’t have to spend the time it would take to actually attend.


Post # 13
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh lawd, what is it with 1st birthdays that it HAS to be on the exact day the baby was born!? Like julies said, they don’t know what da HAIL is going on! Granted, it’s more of a celebration for the parents, but come on! Your friend’s wedding is the following day, just move the date. It saddens me to see so many people’s bridesmaids and even Maid/Matron of Honor not make it to the wedding due to FORESEEN circumstances. ::sigh::

But all anger aside, you are very strong, kind, and patient person. If it were me, I wouldn’t invite that friend to anything anymore… but I’m vengeful like that Innocent 

Post # 15
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It sounds like you have a pretty healthy outlook–its natural to be disappointed. As long as you realize that no one did anything wrong, it’s just an unfortunate situation, it happens. My fiance’s uncle bought a cruise trip for the week of our wedding the week before he got the save the date, so he can’t make it. Of course we’re bummer but trying to focus on the many many people who WILL be there, and we know he’ll be there in spirit. 

Post # 16
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow, you guys who are saying “if she doesn’t move her kid’s party, she’s so inconsiderate” are a little out of line— the friend has said that she’s already started telling people the date!  You can’t expect the friend to change the date when her own guests may have turned down other plans, made travel plans, and so forth!  If you are so shortsighted as to not see the bigger picture every time life doesn’t work out in your favor, then you may end up with no friends left!

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