2 Brides, same group of friends, Bridal showers on same day in different cities!

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

That really sucks, and I understand why you would be upset.  This is especially true if your invitatios went out before hers.  I don’t think it is a good idea to tell anybody that though, because you’re right, it isn’t their fault.  An option may be to have a small get together/girls night with the friends who couldn’t make it, just so they feel included.

Post # 3
Member
47151 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you have enough notice, could you not ask whoever is hosting your shower to change the date?

Post # 5
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

I think those guests asking you if you’re ok with them missing to go to the other shower are being pretty rude. They could totally just say they have prior commitments. It puts you in an awkward situation to say the least. The gracious answer would be, “no, not at all. Thanks for letting me know.” I’d probably answer more along the lines of “no, go to whichever shower works best for you” or “no, choose whichever shower you’d prefer” simply because I’m a terrible person that would want to see someone that asked that rude of a question squirm.

Post # 6
Member
47151 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

everythingpink :  I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have asked your hosts to change the date after you received her invitations, given that your invitations had yet to be mailed.It’s a very awkward position in which your mutual friends have been placed. 

Did you even ask the shower host(s) if the date could be changed? Most venues will credit the deposit of you book another date. Invitations could have been easily reprinted

I agree that is is rude for guests to be asking you if you are ok with them choosing her shower. Talk about thoughtless and inconsiderate.

I guess you’ll just have to live with it now.

Post # 8
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t see why you would’ve needed to change your day. You asked, she never got back to you, and she changed her date at what sounds like the last minute. It’s a bummer but it’s not on you at all!

Post # 9
Member
2456 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Did she know your date after you picked it?

So one of my friends is having her shower the same time I have mine. I had mine picked out way before she did- I checked because we’d have overlapping guest lists and didn’t want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position.

She chose that same day. I understand why- they started planning late, and it was the only day available for her party, family, and venue.

But of course it’s caused problems with our mutual guests, and yes, one of them have asked if it would be ok to skip. It’s a bit annoying- mine was set first, and the invites were sent weeks before hers. In my case, it definitely feels like she was just waiting for a better offer. But that’s her choice, and for whatever reason she chose the other one.

In your guests case, they probably already planned on going to your friend’s shower if they got the invite first. Their response is strange- I would have just said that I already had a prior commitment to you when I said I couldn’t make it. (Or I just wouldn’t go to either.) But they’re in an awkward place, so I’d cut them some slack.

Post # 10
Member
1819 posts
Buzzing bee

I guess now you’ll find out who your realest friends are. Do not tell them “it’s ok, I understand, go there”- tell them you know it’s a hard position and it’s upsetting you, be honest.

Post # 11
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If the venue was already paid for I’m sure moving the date wouldn’t have been an issue? It sounds like you asked for it if you sent out the invites knowing that they were on the same day, honestly what did you expect?

Post # 15
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If I was a mutual friend in this situation, I’d probably do one of two things:

  1. get together with the other mutual friends and figure out a way to split up so that we make a showing at both or
  2. go to whichever party is easier to physically get to.

There are so many ‘ifs’ in this situation, I think it’s almost impossible to judge without being in it. If one shower involved me renting a car and driving two hours, verses taking a quick uber trip, welp. If I were a bridesmaid in one or either, that would of course be my priority. If I considered you a really close friend, but the other was more of an acquaintance, I’d try to go to the close friend’s shower. If I know your nasty future sister in law who I met that one time and didn’t get along with will be at one, I’d prefer to attend the other party. If… If… If… 

I think you’re right to feel a bit hurt, but I would consider the intentions. Do you think she meant to hurt your feelings or anyone else’s by making everyone choose? Does she think showers are a big deal or just another thing that she feels bad people have to show up to with a present? 

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