Post # 1
I’m getting married in October and I’ve yet to get all my decorations, the dresses, or anything else for that matter. It’s only 4 months away. I can’t seem to concentrate on it all because I’m so caught up on 1 thing…who walks me down the aisle?! This story is long but pretty please keep Reading i need this advice like ive never needed anything more! Here’s the story:
My dad and mom got divorced when my brother and I were very young. He was in the navy and so we lived with mom that whole time. Well he got discharged when we were young and was able to be around more. Well when they divorced,our mom had custody. At this time, we were young so pretty close with our dad. Well we traded off and went to live with him one summer. Then moved back with mom. This whole while, he wasn’t all about us and we could tell his style was kinda being cramped by us. Well my mom married a wonderful man when I was 8 and my bro 5. He was younger than her but so ridiculously responsible and took care of the 3 of us soooooooo well. I can only remember, no joke, 2 times we went to live with my dad in a different state. And only for the summer. The whole time, he spent more time cheating on his then girlfriend than he did visiting with his children. When I was going into 5th grade, we came back to my moms and never spent another summer with him as far as moving in. He then moved to Arkansas for a while but the whole time he was here, he was off doing other jobs and kept moving farther and farther away. When he finally was here to “stay”, he found a POS gf that treated us like dirt and he totally put us on the back burner. Fast forward a few years later, he’s got a great job, a nice wife, and a life of his own. We still talk on the phone alot and have a relationship but we aren’t as close as we used to be. My bro and him never talk. He was really scorned by our dad.
Onto my stepdad; when he entered our life, he was in full fledged father mode and has never once left it! He’s been in our life since I was barely 8, I’m now 21. He’s never ever once complained about taking us in as his own and he says we are his kids and the only ones he’ll ever have and he’s 100% proud of that. My real dad says he appreciates it but believes “children only have 1 father and that’s the bio dad”. My fiancé went to my stepdad when he asked for his blessing to marry me and that upset my bio dad. Now comes the time for the wedding and idk what to do. I want both of my dads to walk me down the aisle but my bio dad says no way in hadeez will he share that moment with “his only daughter”. I explained to him that I’m brandons only daughter as well and he raised me most so how can I deprive him of that right. My dad won’t take no for an answer and my stepdad says I need to do whatever I feel is right and he will stand by me no matter what, just like he’s always done! So basically what I’m saying is,
HELP ME PLEASE!!!
Post # 3
What your bio father is doing is called ’emotional blackmail’!!! In most cases I would say to have your bio father but in this case reading your post I would have to say your step dad. How wonderful that you have a step father that is so uncontrolling and acts in such an amazing way towards you.
Dont let your bio father ‘guilt’ you into a decision you don’t want. If you want them both have them both and if your father refuses then that is his choice and he has to live with it.
Post # 4
After hearing your story I think that if your bio dad wont walk down with your other dad then hes out, he seems he was for sure the more fatherly figure and t is your day, he should respect that also! If he wont walk down with you and your other dad then I think that he doesnt walk you at all. 🙂 It’s your day
Post # 5
@Angkinah: I completely agree.
It’s not fair of your bio dad to guilt you into doing something for him. It’s your wedding day, not his, so you need to make the decision based upon what you want to do.
If you want both of them to walk you down, then tell them that’s what you want. If your bio dad doesn’t want that, then he is making that choice. However, if you would really rather just have your step-dad, then choose that. Everyone should respect your decision, no matter what it is or how it affects them.
Post # 6
Your choice us simple…I think you are troubled because you don”t want to hurt your bios dads feelings but you won’t feel right if he walks you down the ailse. If you want to be kind then the offer can stand that they both walk you down and if he says no thank you then you still get to walk with Brandon (your second dad)….My dad and I are kinda close and my step dad of six months asked to walk me down the ailse… he and I are not close at all….It’s going to eaither be my mother or myself
Post # 7
I am in the same position but I know that my step dad deserves to walk me down the aisle. I feel incredibly guilty and scared to tell my dad, but I feel like I shouldn’t deny my step dad the chance to walk me down the aisle just becuase I feel bad for my dad. Whilst I feel really really bad on my dad I would feel even worse watching my step dad sat down whilst my dad walked me down the aisle.
Post # 8
I am letting my biological (who I am not very close to) walk me down the aisle but I am going to do the father/daughter dance with my stepfather (who raised me).
In all honesty, I would very much prefer my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. He is the one I go to when I have problems, need to talk, am happy, am sad, etc. He is the one who loved me and raised me. My bio was a drug addict for most of my life and we only talk like 2-3 times a year.
However, I know it would break my bio’s heart to not be involved. Like your stepdad, my stepdad was willing to step back and let my dad take all of the glory because he didn’t want me to feel stressed or put me in a position where I would feel torn. This just shows how selfless our stepfathers are and how much they love us! So, I decided to let my dad give me away. I felt that the father/daughter dance was more personal and sentimental so I wanted to share that with my stepfather. My bio is just “giving” me to my husband. That is fine with me. In my eyes, the father/daughter dance is a way to show that even though I am married, I am still his little girl and we will still remain close.
Post # 9
When my sister got married she had her bio dad walk her halfway down the aisle and then her stepdad took her the rest of the way. I know she would have preferred just hvaing her stepdad walk her down the aisle but her bio dad kinda threw a fit about it just before the ceremony. So that could maybe be an idea.
Post # 10
can they both walk you down the aisle?
Post # 11
In that situation I would give him three options:
- He can suck it up and walk you with your step-dad
- He can walk you halfway (symbolic of him being there for your first half of your life) and then pass you to step-dad who walks you the rest of the way
- He can just come as a guest.
I think it’s unreasonable of him to guilt you like that. Not to mention highly immature. I would present him with whatever options you’re willing to offer and have him think about it. Then maybe go back and see if he’s made a decision in about a month.
Post # 12
Don’t let him turn this around on you and make you feel like its YOUR decision. IT’S HIS DECISION. Talk to him again and tell him you want both of them to walk you down and that’s the only way you’ll do it. If he says he won’t do it, then tell him you are very hurt he doesn’t want to walk you down but you respect HIS decision.
By putting you in this position he is kicking himself out of the role, you are not the one excluding him. He is excluding himself. Don’t let him manipulate the situation.
That’s what I would do. With that said…you could also walk alone..or be walked by your bro on one side and your mom on the other.
Post # 13
I agree with everyone above.
Post # 14
I think it’s FANTASTIC that you have such a great relationship with your stepfather. It is ultimately your decision and your stepdad is having the right reaction — do what YOU feel is right. Have them both walk you down the aisle. Then, if your biological father disagrees and steps aside, he’ll be the one with the regrets.
I’m sorry you’re going through this unnecessary quandry!
Post # 15
Any guy can be a father, but it takes a REAL MAN to be your dad!
I would either get your step dad only to walk you down the aisle, or tell your sperm donor father (sorry pet peeve) to suck it up and respect your wishes.
He is trying to emotionally blackmail you and that is just down right nasty!.
My childrens step father has always been more of a dad to them than their bio father. Stepping up to the plate of daddy right away.
You will do what is right.
Post # 16
@LuluInLove:I totally agree!