(Closed) 2 dads, 1 bride, and a huge decision!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My step dad came into my life at age 5 and he will be walking me down the isle half way then handing me to mum.

My dad is attending the wedding as far as I know, but like one of the others said its HIS choice to either be a man and accept it or not.

Funnily enough, like your story, my step dad is the one being reasonable and saying to follow my own heart and my bio dad is being his usual selfish self.

 

Theres no way I’m making changes for someone who wasn’t there for me when it counted.

Post # 18
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Toastymama: right on!!!!!!! I couldn’t have said it better myself!

Post # 19
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The way I see it, you have a few options here:

1. Have your bio dad walk you down the aisle, and do the father-daughter dance with your stepdad

2. Have both walk you down and if your dad isn’t satisfied with it, too bad, then dance with both for the father-daughter dance

3. Tell your dad he either walks you down the aisle or dances with you, whichever he decides, you want your stepdad to do the other.

4. Ask your stepdad to make a speech, split the father/daughter dance, have your bio dad walk you down the aisle, that way they’re both sort of even…

I have the same issue with my dad and grandpa…dad was barely around most of my life but papa was…it’s a major dilemma about what to do…good luck and hope this helps! 🙂

Post # 20
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

You could always have your mom or your brother walk with you? 

Post # 21
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

It sems to me like it is a simple decision… your stepfather is your real father. Your biological father is more interested in possessing things (he seems to think that blood alone means that he possesses you) than being a Dad. Your Real Dad should walk you, if that’s what you want…

Interestingly, in the village I have been working in then one man recently talked about his “real Dad”. He meant his stepdad, whom his Mum married when he was a young boy. A message there, maybe?

Post # 22
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@Toastymama: Agree! 

Your stepfather sounds like a true man, and I think you should honor him.  If your dad wants that honor of walking you down the aisle, he has to EARN it.  Sometimes everyday actions are more important than genetics.  Your stepfather has done the day-in, day-out for over a decade.  Your father has not.

 

Congrats on your upcoming wedding (everything will come together as it should).

Post # 23
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Seems like a no brainer to me too, being emotionally detached from the situation. I know your heart is breaking because of “dear ole dad”, but you have enough emotional stuff to deal with just planning your wedding. I like the way a previous poster put it, it’s HIS decision, and these are HIS choices. I also think the idea of walking you halfway is a good one, but from the way he’s behaving, that won’t be good enough for him. Make it HIS choice. Then be done with it. Stepdad is being very gracious about this because he loves you, and he KNOWS you love him. He sounds like a great guy. 🙂

Post # 24
Hostess
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@FloretteLiz:  He can walk you halfway (symbolic of him being there for your first half of your life) and then pass you to step-dad who walks you the rest of the way


I was going to suggest this as well, although opposite. My cousin did the same thing at her wedding with her step-dad doing the first portion and her dad doing the end portion where he gives her away. It seemed to go over well with everyone.

I’m sorry about the added frustration, I had my share of this type of drama too and it is miserable. I hope that your dads can both come to agreement on what to do on YOUR day. It is about celebration and marriage not pity things. Best of luck!

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