(Closed) 2 Friends hate each other – Do I invite one or both?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4659 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would invite them both. It’s not your fight. It’s your wedding! and how would you side with one and not the other? you would be losing a friend.

If they have drama between them, it’s between them.

Post # 4
673 posts
Busy bee

I would personally invite them both and expect that, as adults, they would not make a scene at your wedding. I wouldn’t place them at the same table, but I’d invite them both.

Post # 5
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

I would invite them both, because they’re both your friends, and you’d like them to be there. If one decides not to come because of the other, they’ll have made the decision themselves. If they both decide to attend, just make sure they’re at seperate tables (obviously), and make it clear that you don’t want any drama at your wedding.

Post # 6
191 posts
Blushing bee

I’d invite them both but not seat them together. They should be able to be in the same room and be civil. Especially since it’s your wedding.

Post # 7
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If it were me, I would tell both of them that they are both invited.  I’d tell them if they can’t manage to behave like respectful adults for one evening, then they can just decline the invitation.  If they absolutely can NOT be in the same place at the same time and keep their mouths shut, then they can work out amongst themselves which one will attend.

This happened (sort of) at a family wedding a few years back: a couple broke up after invitations were sent out, so basically my mom let them both know that they were both being invited.  They ended up agreeing that one of them would attend and the other would gracefull bow out.

Post # 8
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’d invite both and explain to each of them that they need 2 be adults. They aren’t going to be there for each other, they are there to support you. Tell them to leave the drama at the front door. I wouldn’t seat them at the same table, maybe not even within earshot of each other, but yes, invite both.

Post # 9
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Invite them both. They’ll get over it. If you’re doing a seating chart, just make sure they aren’t at the same table. We’ve got family that hates each other coming.

Hopefully all guests know how to behave at weddings and won’t start petty stuff when it’s your day.

Post # 10
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i’d invite them both.  you have nothing to do with this fight.

Post # 11
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Invite them both, just don’t seat them together. They are adults and if they can’t behave themselves at a friend’s wedding, they probably should take it upon themselves not to show. However, they are both friends of yours, and if you want both at your wedding, have both!

Post # 12
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Invite them both.  People should be able to be adults and just keep distance… it’s your day and they shouldn’t worry about their own issues for the moment.

I was at a wedding last year where there was a guest invited that I no longer speak to… I just stuck with my fiance and other friends and had a great time.  It was like they weren’t even there. 

Post # 13
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Invite them both.  If they can’t be adults and act civil for one evening that’s their affair, not yours.

Post # 14
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@CaliHoya:  My thoughts exactly 🙂

As long as they aren’t seated together or anything, chances are they won’t even interact if they really hate each other that much. If they do start a fight, then that’s their problem and they need to grow up.

Post # 15
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Invite both. They are adults, they can act like adults.

Post # 16
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I have to disagree with pretty much everyone on this page (sorry ladies) but I literally just went through that like less than a week ago (our RSVP date was May 17) had the same situation but this was with 2 guy friends (Craig and Ryan) and they absolutely despise each other and cannot be in the same room together and I didnt want to be on edge all day worrying about if a fight would break out or if nasty words would be exchanged (after all it is my wedding day and I have enough to worry about and just want to be happy and care free and I think Im entitled to that) I literally weighed out who was the more important one to me and my fiance and we only invited Craig. We talked to Ryan and explained to him why he was not going to be invited and yes it was hard but I do not regret my decision. Trust me the last thing you want at your wedding is a screaming match, talk about a way to ruin your day, why even take the chance? Yes people are saying “if they cant act like adults then blah blah” and “if they fight its their problem not yours” IT IS your problem because it will put a huge damper on your day but lets be honest from the way you describe your friend Sarah it sounds like she is pretty shallow/immature so she might not think twice about an argument on your big day. Just something to think about….. good luck!

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