- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
I am very short and very self-conscious about this. I hate my height and feel like it makes me insignificant, overlooked, and dumpy. All the time.
All of my bridesmaids, including my 14-year old sister, are taller than me by at least 4 inches. One is 8 inches taller.
My bridesmaid dresses are knee-length. The shoes will be silver, so a neutral.
Originally I wanted to deal with this by having the bridesmaids wear flats, and wearing the highest heels I can stand (3.5 in). However, my mom pointed out that their legs won’t look very nice in those short dresses without a little lift from the heel. So I said, ok, they can wear 2 inch heels or less. My shoes will still somewhat lessen the height difference.
However, we went shopping this weekend, and found silver 2 inch heels at Payless for $17, and mom and the other BMs there hated them because they said the heel was too short, and they would look bad without more of a heel. I pointed out that I had worn a very similar heel for my shower just that day, and did I look “ridiculous”? No. My sister had me stand next to her with me in 3 inch heels and her in 2 inch, and then in 3 inch, and she was right that it wasn’t a huge difference, but by that point I was just fighting for the principle of the thing. It was very frustrating, with both sides digging in.
I feel like I’ve already compromised a lot on the Bridesmaid or Best Man attire, giving in on the flats. Originally, before we went shopping for dresses, I would have said that I didn’t want any of them in strapless dresses (the dresses are slightly different), but when we were shopping that was all they liked. So I gave in and they ALL have strapless dresses.
I know this is all coming from insecurity, but the fact is that every day I’m with these girls (or any girls) I feel like the ugly duckling in the room, and I don’t want to feel that way on my wedding day. I don’t want the Bridesmaid or Best Man attire to contribute to that at all, because that’s one thing that I do (theoretically) have control over. I wish I didn’t feel this way, but I just do, and it would take more than 3 months of therapy to change that. I know intellectually that all eyes will be on me as the bride, but I don’t care. My habitual normal feeling of being insignificant and overlooked is so much a part of me that I can’t imagine ever feeling differently, even with the magic of a gorgeous dress.
So the question is, do you all think I’m being unreasonable? Do you think girls look bad when they wear heels lower than 3 inches with short dresses? I’m tempted to give in just to keep the peace, like I did with the dress. I hate that the only reason I’m acting like this is from insecurity, but I feel like I can’t change that insecurity. It’s there to stay and it’s a part of me as long as I’m this small.