2 months until end of timeline with no proposal in sight – panicking

posted 3 months ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Look, he told you at the very beginning of this relationship that he wasn’t into marriage. You should have listened to him them.

His actions are still telling you this. If he really wanted to propose to you, he would, and you wouldn’t have to have a deadline.

Post # 19
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Personally, I think you should stop brining it up, and be prepared to have it be over on September 1. Just try not to think about it or bring it up. Enjoy your trip, and when its done, you’re done as well if he hasn’t proposed yet (which I personally don’t think he will). It just shouldn’t be this hard. My husband and I had one conversation about the timeline and our future, and at the end of the conversation, he made an appointment with his jeweler for us to go ring shopping. We went the next Friday. Neither of us have ever questioned whether or not we wanted to get married (well at least after the first couple of months of getting to know eachother). Once we started talking seriously about it, there was never a “I’m not sure” moment. Just try to put it out of your mind for the rest of the summer. You have your walk date, you guys don’t live together so that makes it even easier. Just walk when the time is up. 

Post # 21
Member
19 posts
Newbee

professorbride :  I understand your pain and frustration. However August is still quite some time away (in the eyes of your BF), give it to then it or softly until September.

Try to avoid browsing waiting forums and looking at wedding related things, and that includes deleting your cookies in your browser so you won’t have any invasive wedding related advertising.

He knows your timeline and if he loves AND values you, he will try to stick to it. I’m sorry this is happening though. It’s good that you vent it here, but don’t fight with him yet. The finish line is just so close. 

Post # 22
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

Regardless of whether or not he proposes, can you imagine yourself, for life, with a lazy husband?

Post # 23
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

At this point you won’t be getting a proposal, you’ll be getting a shut up ring. He has not been particularly interested in marriage since the beginning, and he told you that. Forcing his hand won’t change what’s in his heart.

On another note, it sounds like there is some pretty unhealthy, controlling behavior going on here. If your roles were reversed and you came here talking about how your boyfriend “flipped out and had a meltdown” at a wedding for downplaying your ex-hookup – not even ex boyfriend – as an acquaintance (possibly even out of courtesy to you so that he isn’t waving in your face that he used to sleep with some random person you ran into – the past is the past), stalking your social media for evidence of deceit and red flags where there aren’t really any, pestering you to lose weight and researching diets and workouts to try to push you into it, etc…the bees would be in full force warning you not to marry such a man.

Post # 28
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

 professorbride :  I would be super choked if my partner called me out for putting on weight and tried putting me on a diet. Let him do his thing and if you’re worried about his health, say something and then let him decide how to handle it (or not handle it). It’s his life, his body, and his decision. That’s all I’ll say about that. For the rest of it, Once Fiance and I started talking about engagement, it wasn’t always a super easy conversation because I’m the planner and he’s not at all. I told him early on I wanted to be engaged within the 2 year mark and he dropped the ball. He really wanted a surprise engagement, I really didnt. So I brought it up a fair bit because I wanted to be included and he wasnt too happy about it because he wanted to do it his way. I was just way too worried he’d drop the ball again & should have trusted him but… baggage! It created tension when there didnt need to be any. But we found a solution that made us both happy; thats what partners do. If he has changed his mind and no longer agrees with the timeline, he owes it to both of you to tell you. My ex changed his mind about our timeline and never told me. I had to bring it up right before bed on our 4th anniversary and it was awful. You want someone who is excited about a future with you… 

Post # 29
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

professorbride :  I promise, I get it. Also note that it is a LOT easier to give advice than take it. But I think it would be best for both of you if you could just lay off the questions and see what your SO chooses to do.

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