First and foremost, I really think you could benefit from talking to a therapist. You seem to have extreme stress and anxiety in your relationship, and that is not healthy. I think you need support from a therapist, regardless of whether he proposes or not. Just my opinion.
Bee, I think the root of the problem is that he told you he doesn’t really want marriage and you pushed forward anyway.
Now, don’t get me wrong- I think you are a strong individual who knows exactly what she wants and is a no-nonsense go-getter. I think that is admirable. Mostly we see a lot of bees who don’t stand up for themselves in their relationships, and clearly that is not an issue for you.
However, I think you have leaned too far the other way. You see, you have been kind of steam-rolling your bf over this issue and pushing very hard for what you want and over-looking the obvious problem-he doesn’t want to propose.
And I think you have conflated marriage with a wedding as if they are one in the same.
The thing is that your bf said he doesn’t care much about marriage except for insurance/legal reasons if I recall correctly. It is not romantic, but it sounds like he would do it if necessary. While I personally would prefer to marry someone who actively wants it just as much as I do, there are women out there who wouldn’t mind this kind of attitude towards marriage and it would be just fine to marry for solely practical reasons.
And it sounds like you want the ring, the wedding, and the marriage. You want the whole she-bang. And that’s understandable! You are a romantic at heart.
The problem is that he doesn’t want the whole she-bang. Or possibly any of it.
I think you need to do some soul-searching to figure out if you can be okay with marrying someone who feels so “meh” about marriage. If you know deep down you need a man who is 100% about it, then that’s your answer right there.
But this dragging him ring shopping kicking and screaming has got to stop. And bull-dozing his feelings isn’t going to get you what you want.
I’m really sorry, bee. I think that you two are just too different. For his own reasons, he just isn’t into marriage and even though he said he would do it if he had to, it doesn’t seem like he wants to. Whether that’s because he doesn’t want to marry anyone or he doesn’t want to marry you doesn’t really matter at this point.
I’d hate to see you finally get a forced proposal and sacrifice what you really want just to be with him. Please don’t break your own heart.
Try talking to a therapist, and if you end things, just know that you will be okay and that you will find someone out there who will want to and will give you the ring, the wedding and the marriage-the whole she-bang. Happily.