(Closed) 2 months until wedding, don't know if I can do it.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
4144 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know people get comfortable and the excitement dies down, but shouldn’t this be a really exciting time for us?

Eh, a lot of people fight or feel overhwelmed before they get married. We certainly weren’t full of passion and romance just because we had a wedding coming up.

That being said, you shouldn’t marry anyone you aren’t sure about. It’s one thing to have cold feet, be afraid you’re making the wrong choice without realizing it, be nervous about divorce, etc… But dont marry someone you aren’t in love with, that you aren’t sure you want to spend your life with, because that’s what marriage is, a life long commitment.

Also… no one goes into marriage expecting to get divorced. If you get married, to ANYOne, and you get end up getting divorced, that’s just how things go. The only thing you can do is make the best decision for you NOW, not for what you think could happen in the future or what you are afraid might happen. Decide how you feel about your fiance, wether you want to build a life with him etc… Should something happen and you end up divorced, you will pick up the pieces and move forward just like everyone else who doesn’t expect to ever get divorced and does.

Post # 18
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

As none of us know you or the details of your relationship, i would highly recommend that you seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist before getting married. You can go alone or bring your partner. The main thing is — you need to talk about your feelings and concerns, and a professional will be able to listen and help you explore the situation further.

 

Good luck and remember: do not focus on the money or inconvenience. After the wedding, you will have a marriage, and you should be sure you want to have that marriage. 

Post # 19
Member
763 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MissyDoll:  Are you sure you aren’t me?!?!? I couldnt sleep the night before the wedding because I was afraid I was making a mistake! Like severe anxiety! Then, when I was walking down the aisle toward him, it all disappeared and I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.:)

Post # 21
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

my advice to you:

 don’t worry about the money or how anyone else feels.

this is a LIFE Long commitment and YOU are the one who has to deal with it.

hugs

hope you can figure it out.

 

Post # 22
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I think the lust dies down, and the love deepens and the comfort level goes up. Things become less exciting. My husband is my best friend, and I love and adore him greatly. Don’t call things off simply because things aren’t exciting as they used to be. I was really nervous about my wedding day, but I know I made the right choice. I don’t ever want to be without my husband. He’s the best!

Post # 23
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wish I knew the answer to this question. You have to look into your heart and figure it out… There is something to be said about being single. Many folks behave as if it is the worst thing in the world… It is not; the point is to reflect on previous failed relationships to avoid the same mistakes, to grow and mature, and to determine exactly what you want in life and work on getting there. Too many women monkey bar (start a new relationship before ending the first) or frog hop from one relationship to another without taking time to regroup and be alone. That is often a recipe for a series of unsatisfying relationships.

I also have to say that the grass is not always greener. In order to know that for sure, you need to have certain experiences under your belt. When I think about my wedding I get really nervous and excited! Despite certain issues and obstacles, I am SURE I want to do this. It does not sound like this man has done anything to specifically to make you feel this way. You just seem unsure that he is the one… If you are not prepared to connect with this man for the rest of your life, do not walk down that aisle. I wish you the best!

Post # 24
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@needhelp022014:  you already know the answer – you are not in love with him. people don’t generally go into marriage when they are not in love. People do not go into marriage hoping that it will get better. Try to imagine how you will feel if you tell your partner that it’s over and the wedding is cancelled…is it relief and freedom? Is it pure sadness? 

Post # 25
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Misswhowedding:  +1

Like others have said, lifelong love is not all thrills and unpredictable adventure. You settle into that love, you become a partner in life. If you’re not ready for that then don’t get married.

I love my husband but our life and love is not what Hollywood sells. It’s way deeper than that. I always joke and say “You’re my person.” Our days aren’t full of romantic moments and cute lines. However, he’s my person. He’s the one who I cry on, the one who gets me meds when I’m sick, the one who will change poopy diapers with me. I share the mundane, the vacations, the family ties, I share it all. All of that brings us closer together.

If you’re not ready take some time for travel, dating, moving to another city.

One of my besties felt this way, went through with it, and they divorced less than a year later.

Wish you the best of luck. The bright side to this is you are taking a moment to figure yourself out NOW…before taking him along for the ride of your self-discovery.

Post # 26
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@needhelp022014:  Sorry you are feeling this way. How long have you been together? 

Not really sure if it’s cold feet or the possibility he isnt the one. I will say this though – I think a lot of girls (particularly young girls in their twenties) expect a lot when it comes to being in love.. Not necessarily a bad thing but I think there are some girls who expect a relationship to be perfect – like a Cinderella story and it’s just not that. It could just be that you both have gotten used to one another and things just aren’t as passionate as they used to be – and that’s something that will happen in most relationships.

Take some time to yourself. Go with your gut. He’s either the one or he’s not. Don’t picture the wedding because that will make it overwhelming. Picture your life in the future. How do you see it? Could you picture starting a family with him? Or growing old with him?

Good luck & keep us posted.

Post # 27
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@needhelp022014:  the honeymoon stage ends at some point. I can totally recognize the difference between my fiancé and I from the mad crazy in love beginning to now the comfortable loving life. They both are great. Maybe make extra effort to go on dates like old times or start being by yourself and see how you feel with either. Good luck!

Post # 28
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@needhelp022014:  Is this just recent cold feet or is it something you’ve been denying to yourself a long time?

 

I just came out of 2 weeks of numbness,a little ppanic, some second-guessing but I just totally ignored it and didn’t mention anything and now I’m back to myself (phew!). So I’m guessing I’ve experienced cold feet 🙂

 

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