(Closed) 2 receptions??

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yikes!

For certain cultures, a wedding is a big social affair and it IS a bit of a gaffe not to invite the “entire village” or equivalent in today’s modern world. So his parents may have decided that their social ties are more important than American wedding etiquette and want to host a second reception so that they can save face with their friends. 

BUT cultural differences or not (and I am also Chinese, but my parents are paying so it’s not the same situation), you have to pay to play. So if you are both paying for the wedding and you cannot afford a 500-person wedding, then that’s that and someone (preferably FI) needs to explain this to mom and dad. The same goes for a separate banquet if they are looking to you to pay for it because obviously, that’s going to cost just as much. 

But if they’re going to pay for the banquet and want to have it, then I don’t think that it’s so much of a problem. I don’t think it’ll do you any good to think of it as a “fake” reception–it’s just a different one. Perhaps you can wear red at the second banquet!

Post # 4
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

Where would you even find a venue for 500 people?

Post # 5
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Also–I don’t quite understand. Didn’t you just post on another thread that your Fiance and his family had FEWER guests on their list than your parents?? What’s going on?

Post # 8
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

If his parents want to throw and pay for a second banquet for people they kinda sorta know let them. DO NOT let them force you into paying for it.

Post # 10
Member
30 posts
Newbee

We’re having two receptions – one western and another Chinese.

The Chinese one will be a banquet for my extended family and family friends, and all others, while the western one will be very small.

Generally, guests will give red envelopes or cash gifts for the banquet, which helps offset the cost of the banquet. Who gets the money is a good question – there have been a few very heated posts about this issue in the East Asian branch. Some actually make a profit from holding a banquet – but I wouldn’t hold my breath – the host does get some money back because all the Chinese guests will know to bring cash gifts.  

I’d recommend discussing with your in-laws (either both you and Fiance together, or Fiance with parents if it’s a sensitive issue) on who is paying for the banquet, and who will keep the money afterwards.

I wasn’t too eager about having the banquet – but since we cannot invite all of my family to our small wedding – this was the best alternative. I’m actually quite excited because it can be a lot of fun – you can play door games (when the groom picks up the bride), and some other games during the banquet where guests can get very happily drunk.. LOL Best of all is the knowledge that I am carrying on the traditions of my ancestors (albeit modernised versions of it) which my family will appreciate – and I am sure your FI’s family will too.

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

considering the situation i think a separate chinese reception for FI’s side of the family would be fine – maybe you could incorporate something tradtional in it to reflect your vows (a tea drinking ceremony???)

as far as who pays for it though is another problem – i think its unfair of your Future Father-In-Law to set these demands on you when its someone elses money

 

Post # 12
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think 2 receptions sounds like the way to go.  Then his father can invite whomever he wants and can really honor his Chinese culture. 

Post # 13
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am having the same problem as you are. I come from a traditional Chinese background where 934859823948238 family members are invited to the wedding that I have never even knew existed!

I’m going to have 2 weddings, the first one being the American way, at a venue, walking down the isle, with people Fi and I know, etc. The weekend after will be the traditional chinese wedding at at a Chinese seafood restaurant where my dad can go buck wild with the guestlist.

From what I know, in the Chinese culture, Chinese guests give red envelopes (money inside of the red envelopes) as wedding gifts. So usually, if you don’t have cheap guests, it usually pays for itself, and even if you end up short, it wouldn’t be by that much.

Hope that helps!

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