(Closed) 2 showers, who gets invited where?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think you should invite the your Fi’s family that you don’t know very well just because they live in your town.  FMIL should have them come to HER shower.  A 45 minute drive for a one time occasion is NOT a big deal.  If Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t want to invite them, then they aren’t invited.  

Post # 4
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

The person throwing the shower does the inviting. Therefore, your Future Mother-In-Law should communicate the invitations. She can ask you for some suggestions of guests, but she takes it from there. Etiquette-wise, it’s bad taste for the Bride to do the inviting, since that evokes the “asking for gifts”. 

Post # 5
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’ve never heard of deciding who goes to which shower by what town they are in–I think it’d be better for it to be more divided by family at one shower and friends at another or YOUR family at one and your fiance’s family at another. I’d tell your Future Mother-In-Law that you think it’d be more appropriate for her to host her family.

Post # 6
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I had the same situation as you my mom’s family hosted a shower and then my Future Mother-In-Law hosted one.  We live 45-50 minutes away from Future Mother-In-Law.  So we only invited my side to the one in my town and then my FMIL’s side/friends went to her’s.  I did have an exception with my step-mom and dad’s mom.  I had them go to the shower that the Future Mother-In-Law hosted to keep the peace.  Really I think you should invite them to the shower they would be most comfortable at.

Post # 7
30 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Mr. Turtle's Grandparents' backyard, Arroyo Grande, CA

I totally agree with you. My bridesmaids are planning me a shower that my friends and family are invited to, and my Future Mother-In-Law is planning one that she’s inviting her family and friends to. I don’t know what the best way to bring it up to her would be. Sometimes I take the blame off myself and blame it on etiquette. (For example, “I don’t know much about showers, so I looked at some wedding etiquette books, and apparently separate showers are supposed to be hosted for separate groups of people!”) Hope that helps! 🙂

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