(Closed) 2 SILs, a MIL and Many Problems

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would provide the basic courtesies of inviting her to things like bridal shower and bachelorette party because she is family. There will be enough people there, along with members of her own family, that you won’t have to have much contact with her there. With respect to your wedding, I think your fiancé needs to talk with his mom and explain that while you two are happy that she’ll be joining you, you unfortunately can’t have every single person have a starring role in the ceremony/reception etc. you’ve decided to have sister 1 sing because you think it will add a lot to the guests experience, and that since you are both close to her as a couple, it’s important to you for her to have a role. I would just leave it at that. If your Future Mother-In-Law arranges for sister 2 to have a *surprise* role on your wedding day, that’s just straight up rude. I would be incredibly displeased. 

Post # 3
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Honestly, it sounds from what you’ve said like it’s far more trouble to exclude her than to give her invites and let her read a poem.  Would it really do that much damage?

What does sister 1 think?

Post # 5
Member
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

weddingbellsring:  Maybe you both could ask her if she would like to make a very short (1-2 minute) toast? Maybe be the bigger person and get both of the sisters a corsage?

Post # 6
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

weddingbellsring:  I think the best way to keep the peace with your Mother-In-Law would to be to have your SIL involved in some clearly defined way.  Don’t give her a job where she has creative latitude, such as a poem or toast she wrote herself – that is a recipe for disaster.  For instance, can you ask her to do a reading of your choice?  I realize it’s not exactly ideal given your lack of relationship with her, but if it’s what is needed to avoid a rift with your Mother-In-Law or your SIL somehow interjecting herself in an unexpected and inappropriate way to seek attention, I think it’s worth it.

Also, for the shower and bachelorette, yeah…I think you really need to invite her if you invite the other sister, especially to the shower.  If she doesn’t want a relationship with you anyway, hopefully she’ll skip the bachelorette at least, since it doesn’t sound like be other people there she wants to be a martyr in front of.

Post # 7
Member
8328 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

 

weddingbellsring:  

OMG i was all for, oh  let her do stuff  and just grin and bear it  But…

“Last time she read a poem, it was over thirty minutes of kindergarten level writing, most of it in “I” sentences, for her grandparents 60th anniversary – it went on forever, and had a coordinating slide show”

is a total nightmare. I’d have her the the pre-parties . Even if they are small  you can ignore  her nonsense and let other people deal if necessary.   Excluding   her will make for big trouble from Future Mother-In-Law, the sort that  will be alluded to for years . 

But , get Fiance (and is there a FFIL?) to veto any possibility of that  dreadful  poem situation . Is is absolutely   impossible to get the ‘good’ Future Sister-In-Law to not sing after all, so as to look more  ‘fair’ ? Seriously, I’d do pretty  much anything not to have that peom……

Post # 8
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Invite her of course to any shower but I don’t think you are obligated to include her in a bachelorette party.  Of course your Mother-In-Law just won’t get it but that is kind of too bad.

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