(Closed) 2 weddings, 1 year, 1 family = protocol anyone?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yuck..  I don’t envy you.

Hopefully they are far enough apart that everything i.e. showers should be separate.  But… FI’s sisters had their weddings 3-4 months apart.  Snarky move by one sister.  Out of Town guests could only go to one.  They picked the one that got engaged first.  That would be the only concession I think.

Post # 4
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@SimplyChic11:I would NOT expect the same amount of help. They may offer it, but don’t expect it–that kind of expectations lead to disappointments.


Like @baletrina: said, you may lose Out of Town guests (we lost about 10% of our guests because BIL’s wedding was first and people couldn’t afford to come to ours).


Still you will have a gorgeous wedding. And try to schedule your shower/bach. party a few months apart–just call them and discuss dates to avoid conflicts for those parties.

Post # 5
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

We have an issue like this (albeit with a cousin rather than a sibling) but the two weddings are only two weeks apart.

The key is to keep open lines of communication with the other couple and with your in-laws so as to avoid clashes.

Post # 6
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We have a similar problem. Our wedding is Saturday and Future Brother-In-Law & FSIL’s is in October…. she just had her first bridal shower a week ago! Right before our wedding! Im not sure how it will work out!

Post # 8
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Two of my 2nd cousins on my father’s side are getting married v close together – Aug 20 and Sept 10, and only 20 miles apart. They’re doing it specifically that way so that the handful of relations living overseas can basically fit a 3 week vacation in between the two weddings. I have no idea how the two couples worked it out between them and I would imagine it was a stressful negotiation, but the aunts and uncles are delighted. Suits them, I guess!

Post # 9
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My brother got married this past June and FI’s sister will be married in a month.  Fiance and I were engaged before either couple, but we’ll be married last (in December of this year).  In general I actually haven’t felt like it’s been a problem for anyone, which is very fortunate.  It helps that FI’s family and my family are all from the same general area, so there are fewer Out of Town guests that will be double-invited.  My brother was married in Sweden so only a couple people were able to go to that and we’ll be sure to honor them at our wedding so the family can say congrats to him in person.

I actually think it’s kind of fun!

Post # 10
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

@SimplyChic11: It sounds like you mean getting financial help more than anything. Has his family offered anything at all yet? If not, I wouldn’t expect too much. I think they would have offered by now if they were going to do it at all.

Post # 11
23 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Millcroft Inn & Spa

So just a bit of background before I explain our decisions…My fiance and I are getting married exactly 8 weeks before his sister and her fiance.  They got engaged 4 months before us however Fiance put off proposing because he got the call that my ring was in on the day that his sister got proposed to (We didn’t know that it had even happened for a few days because we were on a camping trip.)  Future Sister-In-Law was VERY angry that we got engaged and had a date set which was before her wedding.  At the time that we booked our venue, she had no plans made for her wedding or money to pay for it.  They will be relying 100% on parental support for paying for and planning their wedding.  We have decided to encourage my Future In-Laws to give them the support they need as we are able and willing to plan and host our wedding.  We know that we may lose some guests but have encouraged the Out of Town guests to attend their wedding and save time over their trip for a lunch out with us to celebrate ours or something along those lines.


Basically, to soften the blow, we have been making a lot of decisions with the idea that we are trying not to take anything away from FSILs wedding.  The day is about us starting our lives together and we would rather save the (already strained) relationship we have with my Future Sister-In-Law than try to worry about showers and guests.  We are also planning our showers earlier so that the time before our wedding can be clear for her to have her events and not feel overshadowed.  I expect that once our wedding is over, we will be putting in a lot of hours helping with her wedding to make it how she envisions it. 


Post # 12
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My FI’s brother is getting married exactly two months before us! We were the ones that have “crashed their party” so to speak, but since in my circle the brides family friends handle all the showers, there hasn’t been any sort of issue. Actually, they’re in another country where they don’t even do showers so this isn’t a huge deal anyway.

My FI’s parents aren’t putting any money towards either wedding though, so that point is sort of moot in our case. If i were you wouldn’t expect any help, they may deplete their resources on the first wedding.

Post # 13
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Maybe it’s because I come from such a large family, but I don’t get how people can be so upset when weddings are in the same year!  I had 11 weddings last summer.  I got married 5 weeks before my brother, and 3 weeks after my cousin, and 6 weeks after another cousin.  My sister is getting married the summer after ours.  It’s too hard to spread it out unless you want to wait years.  We don’t have Out of Town guests traveling that would have to choose though.


im pretty sure my SIL was upset when we choose our date 5 weeks before her.  We were dating for 10 years and just were ready.  We found a great venue with a Saturday open, and a ceremony spot, so we didn’t pass it up.  She had her shower about 3.5 months before her wedding, I’m sure to have it before mine.  Lol, I could care less about that.  She’s also in a rush to give my parents the first grand baby.  I could care less!  It’s what works for the couple, it’s not a race…

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