Post # 1
Hi Wedding Bees,
So, myself and partner have recently got engaged. A long awaited engagement (almost 6 years!). We both live and work abroad but made plans between us to return home next year, get married and settle down and have children.
Problem is, is his cousin is getting married next July. Now, I am not too bothered which month we get married exactly but we both decided summer would be best. However, MILTB doesn’t seem happy with it. Reason being, it will take away from his cousins limelight, family members won’t be able to afford to go to 2 weddings in a year and general etiquette.
Our plan is to get married about 8 weeks after his cousin anyway and have a local wedding, so family don’t need to fork out on hotels. I really don’t want to delay our wedding for another year, it feels like i would be putting life on hold to suit everyone elses needs; money and notice wise. But at the same time I don’t want to be sefish and steal his cousins thunder. Is 8 weeks after too close?
What do you wonderful bees think?
Post # 2
Nope. You’re fine.
They get a day. You get a day.
No one is obligated to postpone their lives for someone else’s “day”. Happiness isn’t finite – people can be happy for you and it in no way makes them less happy for the other couple. It doesn’t work that way.
If people really have to choose between the two weddings, then so be it, but since it doesn’t sound like there would be significant expenses for them to attend your wedding I really can’t imagine why there would be a problem.
Post # 3
Do not postpone your wedding because a cousin is getting married!! I can’t believe people actually worry about someone’s thunder being stolen. There’s plenty of thunder to go around. It’s your life, your wedding. Do what feels right! 8 weeks separation is plenty, and likeyou said, it’s local so people don’t have to travel and spend money on hotels.
Post # 4
Me, my brother, and my cousin all got married in the same year. It wasn’t a problem. People went to the weddings they could. I don’t think any of us had all of the family attend but none of us had a problem with the others getting married around the same time.
Post # 5
Eight weeks apart is generously spaced. You can’t put your entire lives on hold because other people are living theirs.
Post # 6
The year we got married, we had 7 other weddings to go to. Including my husbands best man who got married 3 weeks after us. And my husband was also his best man. It was hesctic, but we made it work because everyone was important to us.
Also my first cousin got married 8 weeks before us. It wasn’t an issue at all. You will be fine.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
Get married when you want as long as it’s not the same day as the cousin. It’s not like you have the exact same guest list. That’s 1 side of the family, surely you don’t have the same friends as the cousin too? how many people will REALLY be overlap between the two weddings?
Post # 8
This is absolutely not a problem. Summer is wedding season for a reason.
And I really don’t understand the logic that family can’t afford to go to two weddings that are 8 weeks apart if there is zero travel invovled. People can wear the same outfit and give a less generous gift for both if it is really an issue, but I feel like your Mother-In-Law is just inventing problems that don’t really exist.
Post # 9
I can’t speak to the norms in your environment and the economic resources of your family, but my brother and I got married three weeks apart, each in a destination or quasi-destination wedding (ie requiring hotels) and it was fine. We asked several people in our families and they all told us we were being silly even to ask. They’d have to make an effort to come sometime either way! Neither of us had a “limelight” that was taken away. Instead there was shared joy in planning.
Post # 10
You are being really thoughtful about this, 8 weeks is plenty far apart!
live your life, get married this year!! They get the day (really the weekend) not the entire year!
Post # 11
8 weeks is plenty. My cousin’s wedding is literally a week from my brother’s wedding and I haven’t heard any whining.
Post # 12
There was six months between my cousin’s wedding and my sister’s wedding, and then I got married seven months later. It’ll be fine! Everyone will be happy for both couples. There’s no need to put your life on hold for this.
Post # 13
I just got married, my cousin is getting married first weekend in August, my brother is getting married the week after and literally no one cares.
Post # 14
My cousin got married last year. 12 weeks later I got married. 7 weeks later another cousin got married. No issues.
Post # 15
My fiancé’s cousin picked 7/11 to get married, and we picked the weekend before (7/04). Cousin said they wanted the 11th, but sometime in July (they’ve been engaged since December and are being wishy washy on date).
So we said, okay, left the 11th alone, picked the 4th and they have the remaining three weekends in July to pick from. We picked our date and booked our venue within a week of getting engaged.
No one in the family has said a thing.