- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
So here is the background.
A yeah and 2 months ago I got engaged. The weekend I got engaged my sister texted me and after saying congrats – right away asked who the Maid/Matron of Honor was going to be. (Side note: Now, at her wedding 6 years ago I was a co-MOH, but didn’t ask for the title she choose it.) I knew I didn’t want her as we have grown apart and view a lot of things differently, but she is my sister and I didn’t want to hurt her – so I deflected and said probably you and my Boyfriend or Best Friend but I wasn’t sure yet. I should have just said I don’t know but I knew she woudl turn it into drama so I deflected and sat there considering just not having one to keep and the peace and not hurt feelings.
About 6 months later I went gown shopping and she wanted to come so I happily invited her along with the other few that were going with me. I found a gown quickly so then we decided to look at bridemaids dresses. She wanted to to change the length, style and even COLOR of my dresses… so much so she put me in tears and I walked out of the store.
In between then and 4 months prior to my wedding I never spoke again with her about Maid/Matron of Honor. It had been weighing on my mind because I really wanted my Boyfriend or Best Friend whom has helped me so much, I talk to almost everyday and who wants me to be happy and to have things the way I want them. I wasn’t happy about how she acted trying on dresses and not once did she call to ask how planning was going etc. Basically radio silence. Anytime we spoke it was because I reached out to her – not the other way around.
Fast foward to 4 months before my wedding. My sister had not been invovled much at all. When we did talk about my wedding it was all about her… at this point I really wanted to honor my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I made the decision – knowing it could hurt my sister – to make my Boyfriend or Best Friend my Maid/Matron of Honor. My sister found out and flipped out. Literlally. Called me crying then hung on me. Refused to answer when I called back and instead went at with me through texts – when I told her I didn’t want to have this convo via text she kept going and wouldn’t answer my calls. 2 days later I woke up to a 4 paragraph email about how much of a horrible sister I am and how I make having a relationship with me hard etc blah blah. I evenutally wrote back asking why she would even want to me Maid/Matron of Honor for someone who she thought so poorly of. She wrote back and told me she needed space.
My wedding is 2 weeks away. Other than a random text or two about her son being in my wedding she has not spoken to me AT ALL. I have tried calling, emailintg, im-ing but she tells me she needs space. My bridal party threw me a party and she didn’t show. She sent me a FB message saying – hey i hope you had fun sorry I coudln’t be there. But the thing is – my Maid/Matron of Honor told me they picked that night because that was the ONLY weekend my sister could do. They have been working around her schedule etc. She doesn’t knwo I know she told my Maid/Matron of Honor this week she wasn’t going to come – so I wrote back and said – yeah I know you more or less want nothing to do with me – but I wish you had been here. She said something else and I responded with “well you said you needed space – I love you – ” then I got the longest message about how I should have called to apologize for not making her Maid/Matron of Honor when she had a speech written, a party planned and since she had made me mine. It was a very selfish and divaish message which I have yet to respond to because I realized that she really hasn’t spoken to me because she is mad over a title.
I refuse to reward bad behavior with just upgrading her – and I have stood my ground with that this entire time.
This is the whole overview – but there have been several other times and situtations that she has been snarky and mean and has just done a lot of mean stuff – I understand she might be hurt – but it is so frustrating that she can’t turn the other cheek and just let her little sister be happy.
She is married – 2 kids and we are both in our 30’s.
I dont know WHAT to do. We get married 2 weeks from today and she isn’t speaking to me – so that outta make things REAL comfortable during the rehearsal and wedding. This is my only drama and I am so done with it – I just don’t know what to do or what to say to her to get her to rise above the pettiness…..