Post # 1
We have been together 4 years. Got engaged around 1 year, while we were long distance. Shortly after he moved to my state to be with me. We were going through a lot of changes, with his deciding to make a career change and go back to school, house hunting, got two dogs, etc… Finally a year and a half ago we started planning our wedding.
fast forward- we have had some problems/fights in the past, but what couple hasn’t?
Now 2 weeks out, he wants to cancel. with 90% of the guests from out of state and everything is set. It started with an argument about 2 groomsmen staying at our house from wed night through the wedding night. I knew one was staying, but not the other, I told him that I’m feeling a little stressed with more people (the other groomsmen and his gf, so that’s 3 ppl total) staying with us… He got mad and said I didn’t care about him and what he wants and I’ve always been selfish and haven’t changed. and he wants to cancel the wedding. Then this morning he said it again. I’m terrified. We are having an emergency meeting with our priest Monday, which was actually his suggestion. But I dont think he loves me anymore and I don’t know how this happened!
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I hope that it’s just stress on his part and it gets worked through.
Having said that, it sounds like he’s grasping at straws and was already having these feelings — he just used this situation as an excuse to finally express what he’s been feeling. It’s a great sign he wanted to set up a meeting with the priest!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC
@pinkpiggies: I don’t really have any advice to give you, but maybe the stresses of an upcoming wedding are freaking him out? Cold feet? Has “selfishness” been an issue in the past for your relationship? Has he given any indication that he might not want to go through with the wedding before this?
I hope your meeting with your priest goes well; please keep us updated! I’m so sorry you’re going through this so close to your wedding. Have faith that it will work out for the best, whatever happens.
Post # 5
@pinkpiggies: Well, really, no one knows you, him, or the dynamocs of your relationship, but it really sounds like cold feet to me……..
Post # 6
@pinkpiggies: Everyone dreams of this picture perfect wedding, but in reality the planning and preparation is SO stressful even for the groom. Tension is high and nerves are stretched 2 weeks before your big day. It doesn’t sound like he doesn’t love you anymore, it sounds like you guys are being pushed to your breaking points by the details and stress that goes into planning a wedding. Meeting with the priest will be a good reminder of why you got engaged and want to marry each other in the first place. Take time to reflect on that yourself and put aside the stress even for 5 minutes and remember why you are doing all this in the first place. Maybe there’s a way to compromise with the groom on who is staying at the house or at the very least make it known that they are their for accomodations without any expectation that you have to entertain them.
Post # 7
@pinkpiggies: Wow :-/ that’s not good at all! You must be so stressed about everything now. I have no advice but it doesn’t sound like this outburst of his has much to do with the groomsmen staying with you…. much deeper issues. I hope you guys can sort through it 🙁
Post # 8
@pinkpiggies: I’m so sorry, this must be horribly stressful for you and I’m sorry you’re having to go through it now.
That said… don’t focus on the guests, the bridal party, the deposits, or the wedding. Weddings get cancelled all the time (hang around these boards for a hot minute and you’ll see that). It’s just a party, if you don’t have it, or you don’t have it now, it’ll be okay. Life will go on, your friends and family will still love you, and you won’t be the first person to postpone or cancel a wedding.
Focus on whether or not you are comfortable legally binding yourself to this man for life in 14 days. Whether you can say honestly that you want to be his wife, that you support him and forsake all others, and that you trust him to do the same for you. If you can’t- if you think this is more than a moment of cold feet on his part- don’t do it.
Cancelling a wedding sucks, but is still a lot less heartache than cancelling a marriage.
Post # 9
Wait until after you meet with your priest. A third party may help him put his feelings into words . Maybe he is just stressed.
Post # 10
@pinkpiggies: I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this! It definitely sounds like there’s some tension and stress revolving the wedding planning. I was thinking about your situation and was wondering (as PP has asked) has “selfishness” been an issue in the past? I’m definitely not saying you are or aren’t since I don’t know you, but I was just wondering how your wedding planning has been going. Did you make joint decisions with your wedding details? Have you been making most of the decisions because he’s a guy and doesn’t care for drapes & lighting?
It seems like he’s reached a breaking point…but with anyone’s “breaking point” there are several events that lead up to it. I really, truly hope you two talk this out and gain some inside from your advisor. If you two were ready to move in together and raise two fur babies together, it would be tragic for everything to go kabloom! Wishing you the best of luck.
Post # 11
If my FI through a tantrum an hour before and said he wanted to cancel the wedding, I’d give him exactly what he wanted and never look back. A man that is so childish that he is going to leverage your wedding as an ultimaatum to get what he wants at that particularly moment is not one I’d be interested in marrying. If he is acting like this now, one can only speculate that he is going to leverage your marriage in the same way by throwing around the “D-word” if he doesn’t get his way.
Good luck to you, dear.
Post # 12
Hello fellow pink animal. I’m sorry your FI is putting you through this. I think the stress is just getting to him. Hopefully the priest will help you guys get to the root cause of the issue. Good luck, and keep us posted!
Post # 13
Honestly, if it were me and I wanted a chance to save things, I would say “ok, let’s cancel the wedding, but I still want to marry you. I’ll go to city hall and forget about the party if that is what we need to do.” That is, of course, assuming you have a good strong relationship worth saving.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t make any decisions before you speak to either your priest or a professional, chances are that his reaction isn’t genuine and this is his response to the stress by not only planning but also the fact he is getting married in a couple of weeks. Everyone has their moments and you can’t just throw your relationship out the window because of this.
This sounds like that groomsman + gf not staying with you guys is just the straw that broke the horse’s back! I wonder if you realize the amount of pressure and nerves he must be going through as the wedding approaches, I myself am guilty of thinking it is easy going for FI when really he is more stressed than I am!
People say things they don’t necessarily mean. He could be just stressed about all of this and the first reaction for some people is “just cancel it” so then the nerves and stress go away, he may not actually realize and mean what he is saying. It would be a good idea to sit him down and have a talk about him and what is going on, see if he really wants to throw it all out the window over this.
Post # 15
Any updates? I’ll be praying for you 🙁