2 wks to wedding…BM is a nightmare!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yea I’m going to have to say you’re expecting way too much. Three days in vegas, a $350 dress + alterations, hair/makeup, and a generous gift… its a LOT! You can’t really know someone else’s financial situation… I think you should let her do her own hair/makeup if she wants to and don’t ruin your friendship over this. 

Post # 21
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

basically, you can’t dictate how people should spend their money, bottom line. If she chooses not to keep up with yours and your other Bridesmaid or Best Man spending habits, that’s her right.

Post # 23
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well, if you do “fire” her, I really think you’ve got to reimburse her for all the wedding costs. Whoever is at fault, that is a lot of money. 

Post # 24
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Okay so is this about the way she acted in vegas or the hair thing? Did she basically damage your friendship irreparably by being anti-social in vegas? I kind of feel like the hair/makeup thing is a non-issue. Regardless of all other expenses, I don’t think you can/should force someone to pay to get their hair and makeup done for your wedding. If you’re going to remove her from your life because of that well… that’s your choice to make, but it does not seem reasonable to me. It does sound like she was acting weird in Vegas but from what you say it sounds like she has some personal issues going on. If she really is an alcoholic then her actions were really not about you or your friendship at all… it is a very very serious problem she has and she could probably use some support to help pull herself out of. 

Post # 25
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla but I also don’t think you should kick her out.  Maybe she only did the bare minimum, but she did it.  I think kicking her out is an escalation and changes it from her being the bad guy to you being the bad guy.  You deserve better.  Just let her show up and participate in the wedding.  Worry about the other little things.  If she doesn’t lookas amazing as the others, that should be a lesson for her, and she’ll make you look even better.  I don’t know that what she’s doing to you is personal.  I’m personally more concerned with her alcoholism that seems to be affecting her ralationships.  She’s such a small part of your day.  I say be the bigger person and stay strong/classy.  Don’t let her get to you.  If you’re still not happy after the wedding, let her fade away.  No need to have a big blow up with her, just let go…

Post # 26
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

OMG I feel like some of the PP are being pretty harsh. I actually get what you are saying here. My bridesmaids and I are going to have an EXPERIENCE getting ready.. taking pictures… etc on the big day. Its not simply about getting your hair and make up done. One suggestion: maybe you can take her 200$ and pay for her to get her hair and make up done? As my gift to my BMs I will be giving them a custom makeup bag and a 50$ MAC gift card. This way, we can all go to the artist and they can pay with the gift card and get the product. I know its not the whole in suite deal.. but it is a cool gift and still a great experience. 

Post # 27
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@Kimberlybc: You say she makes 5 times as much as the other girls, but you have no idea what her financial situation is. Thigns change. It sounds like she went to Vegas to support YOU, but then didn’t want to (or wasnt able to) pay for drinks and a cab. So what? Like you said, maybe Vegas isn’t her thing. I knew Vegas was expensive, but when I went I was shocked as to just how expensive it is. I wasn’t prepared to spend $5 just for a bottle of water. Maybe she had the same reaction?

You were obviously good friends with this girl at one time, since you asked her to be in the bridal party. And now you say shes an alcoholic. Well, maybe she is having some personal issues and needs a friend rather than her friend bashing her on a website.

 

Post # 28
Member
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Kimberlybc I’m sorry if this is harsh but if you want me to 100% honest I think you are being a bridezilla. how can you not appreciate all the money being put in by this BM? If they agreed to pay for a $350 dress and then a trip to vegas, plus a gift,  how can you hold it against her if she doesnt want to pay for hair and make up AS WELL? Its not going to be any less of an experience if she does her own hair. Also I dont think its fair to compare how much she earns to your other BMS because that has nothing to do with how much money she has available to spend on ONE wedding. Besides you dont know what other financial responsibilities she may have that she hasnt told you about. I personally think you are expecting WAY too much from your Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 29
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

I’m curious to know why you even asked her to be a bridesmaid? I know weddings are stressful and sometimes they can bring the worst out in people, but is the way she is acting a new thing? Honestly if you kick her out, the friendship will probably end over that. Sometimes bridesmaids don’t get along, I was in a wedding where two bridesmaids didn’t get along, but they just dealt with it for the bride. Good luck to you, it sounds like you may be put in a tough situation.

I don’t think you can really make anyone get thier hair or make-up done and pay for it. Personally, I don’t think its fair, on top of other expenses.

Post # 30
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Having stood in several weddings I am used to spending that kind of money for dress, shoes and alterations, in fact, now that the OP has stated it included shoes and alterations, that’s fairly average, at least in Canada.

The issues are deeper than this, it seems, are you upset that she hasn’t participated or are you upset with how she spends her money?  If you’re upset that she hasn’t participated, then that is a valid concern.  If you disagree with how she spends her money, then I am not sure how much complaining you can do about that.  I too have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who insists on doing her hair and makeup at her own house while the rest of us enjoy some champagne and breakfast and I learned that you can’t force people, and even if you could, they wouldn’t be very enjoyable. 

I will re-state that if your BM’s and you focus on having a good time together and enjoying the whole reason for that day (the wedding/marriage), then that party pooper (yes, I said party pooper) of a Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t matter.

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