2 wks to wedding…BM is a nightmare!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 62
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Maybe you could take her aside one last time this week and try to make ammends. I know she is not being a great friend right now but I always think it’s best to know that you fought for a friendship to work. If it ends, then it is not your doing.

Also, maybe try to be open minded as to why she behaved that way in Vegas. Does she not get along with your other friends, or does she feel left out? Sometimes when people insecure they retreat. There might be other issues going on right now. Try to let her know that you care about her, and try to make ammends so that everyone can enjoy the day. 

Post # 65
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Kimberlybc: I’m sorry about this unfortunate situation!

I debated whether to respond to this post because it seems to be a very touchy subject. However, I want to second @NotYourTypicalBride’s comment that it sounds like your friend has a serious drinking problem, and that explains her behavior in Vegas.

If you care about this friend (regardless of her recent behavior), please take a moment to let go of your anger and leave a message along the lines of what NotYourTypicalBride suggested, telling her that you’re worried about her and her drinking and that you want her to be healthy and happy.

If she continues to pull away, that’s her decision. But keep in mind that her life is falling apart right now and I would urge you to put what anger you’re feeling towards her aside, even if you decide to cut her out of your party. Alcoholism is a devastating disease, and you’d better believe that whatever she’s going through right now is 1,000 times more painful than what most of us could conceive of.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Post # 66
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You’re already spending a ton of money on the wedding.  Why not just pay for the hair and makeup for the BMs too?  I really wanted everyone to have hair and makeup done so I had the vendors come to the hotel and I paid for it.  This way no awkwardness, and I managed to work out a deal with the vendors ahead of time.  It was actually so much fun that my Maid/Matron of Honor and I are going back to the makeup person for a “spa day” type event to learn how to really do our own makeup. 

Post # 67
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Kimberlybc:  I understand your frustration and hurt. I think a PP might have nailed it when they said that she may have felt uncomfortable saying that the cost of everything was too much for her in front of everyone else. I agreed to be in a friends wedding years ago and had to step down when I realized it was going to be too expensive for me. It was weird and uncomfortable, and caused a strain on our relatonship for a while, but ultimately it was what I had to do. I realized I was going to need to borrow hundreds of dollars from my parents to pay for all the expenses involved with her wedding and that was unacceptable to me. I realize you said she makes decent money, but as someone else said, that doesn’t necessarily mean she has it to spend. She may be slowly growing resentful of all the expenses she is incurring as the wedding grows closer. Ultimately though it is her responsibility to discuss that with you. You are not a mind reader, nor in charge of her bank account. I hope you and her can sort it out. It would be a shame to have a friendship ruined over something that is supposed to be a happy occasion for you.

Post # 68
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

From my experience, alcoholism leads people to change and behave in ways that make you not recognize the person. Regardless of all the other drama, I just wanted to say I am so sorry that you are losing a friend over a bottle of booze. This happened to me recently and while I know the split was for the best, it still hurts. Neither my friend or her family are able to accept that she has a problem and instead of chosen to see me and the rest of our friends as the bad guys (with me as the ring leader). It seems like alcohol changed my friend from a  very ambitious, fun, friendly person to someone who only cares about her next drink, lost all of her mortgage money to pay for her alcohol, and has ditched her friends on multiple occasions to drink by herself instead. It sounds like your friend is behaving in similar ways. At first I agreed with PP, but once you said she is an alchoholic things started to make a lot more sense. I wouldn’t let my exfriend be at my wedding either for fear of her behavior. Do what you need to do to enjoy your day.

Post # 69
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, its not about the cost. Its not about the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, or alterations, or gifts. Yes, those things cost money, and its an expected expense when you’re asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. You can usually gauge how much you’ll be spending when you know your bride… while I wouldn’t have my girls spend $350 on a dress, thats just me. If I wanted it, then it would happen. Bottom line, its my wedding! All you posters that have said that the Bridesmaid or Best Man is in the right to treat the bride like this because of cost need to check your priorities. Just sayin…

 

All your bridesmaids and fiance agree, she’s out of line. If you want her out, thats your call. I’m on your side.

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