(Closed) 2 year engagement frustrations

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know how you feel! Several of our friends who met years after us got married before us. We were together for 6.5 years before getting engaged, then had a 1.5 year engagement. So we’d been together for a total of 8+ years when we finally got married last month!

It’s all worth it in the end though! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 33
Hostess
9679 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

@ltj14:  I feel you! Especially with the people getting married before you thing! Fiance and I were dating for 7 1/2 years before he proposed to me!! Now that we’ve been engaged since July, there’s no real end in site because we haven’t set a date yet.  

Post # 34
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@ltj14:  My fiance and I were dating for just over 5 years before we became engaged and we’ve been engaged since December 2010 and we are getting married close to the 4 year engagement mark. For our 5th anniversary it was either a ring or a vacation and I chose the vacation because we needed to get away and thats all we could afford at the time. In September 2010 I went back to school and with 2 different programs I ended up finishing April of this year (hence the long engagment) but the beautiful part of a long engagement, it gives you time to pick out what you like and don’t like and you can basically have everything planned so when you start going to vendors it makes it a lot easier to say what you want. I can definitely relate to the people who have been together less time than you and getting married before you but I also look at the quality and size of a wedding they have etc. Most of my friends who have been married before me and together less time than us have had either elopements or gone to city hall and have had their receptions in the backyard kinda thing (not that it makes it less special or anything because its what they wanted). Ours is the full blown wedding experience of having a ceremony and big reception etc where as most of my friends haven’t had that because they didn’t want to wait or spend money etc. So by having a longer engagement to me means that I can have the wedding I want to have and not just something I need to settle for. At first it bothered me about my friends getting married before me and now I just see it as I’m getting what I want from my wedding and they had what they wanted. 

Post # 35
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

I completely understand how you feel – i have been there but trust me, it is all worth it in the end! We got engaged on October 18th 2011 and we are getting married on September 20th (3 weeks away!! Iiik!) so we have a 23 month engagement. We have just celebrated 5 years together and we also have friends who got together and got engaged after us but has married sooner.

Around the 1 year to go mark I was a bit depressed about it all and kind of wished that we had got married last year. I also found that I was excited to be planning a wedding and everyone else’s reaction was “geez – it’s aaages away”. It does get better though! As soon as we got past Christmas everyone started to realise that we are getting married in September and things got rolling.

My SO haven’t been big on planning (he himself says he has planned 2% of the wedding and the rest is me and that is why it’s going to be awesome lol) but for the last 2 months he has gotten more and more excited and involved so they do get on board at some point. I was frustrated a year ago and felt like he didn’t care about it at times, but now we are happier than we have ever been. We are solid, we are stressfree and we are excited to be getting married! ๐Ÿ™‚

My advice is enjoy every minute of it! Go to all the wedding expo’s you can, do cake tastings, read a million bridal magazines, enjoy trying on 100 wedding bands etc. You only get to be engaged once (well that is the plan at least) so make the most off it! But don’t forget to give your other half some undevided attention as well and have a few “wedding free” date nights.

Looking back at it now though it is perfect to have a longer engagement. You have time to research stuff, you can get loads of stuff done early (like DIY’s etc). You can have your pick of vendors and really make the day everything you want it to be without having to stress.

As I said earlier – I am super calm and just happy at the moment and I am getting married in 23 days! If I had been planning this for 10 months I sure as hell wouldn’t be. Just remeber that you have the rest of your lives to be married but you only have 2 years to be engaged. It’s a step in the process of life so don’t rush it – enjoy it! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 36
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We had a long engagement and I feel the same! I was so mentally done with the engagement when it was over!

Post # 37
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I completely know how you feel.  The countless people who got engaged after us and married long before us is what is making me insane.  The worst one was FI’s first cousin that he’s really close to- they didn’t even start dating until we were already engaged!  Yet 10 months before our wedding, they’re already married.  And now his new wife tries to give me all this advice and stuff, and I know she’s just trying to be helpful, but it’s like, I KNOW!  I’VE BEEN PLANNING MY WEDDING LONGER THAN YOU’VE KNOWN YOUR HUSBAND.  Just gets me all frustrated. 

Post # 38
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

Edit – Got posted on the wrong thread for some reason…

Post # 39
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Oh boy can I relate!  I have been engaged for over 3 years and still don’t have a date set!  We are waiting for Catholic annulments so that’s even more frustrating because it’s something out of our control.  The church has said they hope to have our cases resolved sometime this fall so hopefully we will be able to get a date set and get this show on the road!  I too have seen many people get engaged after us and have already gotten married!  In fact my best friend gets married this Saturday and I have been engaged longer than she’s known her FI!!  LOL  It’s tough but when the time comes, I’ll be more than ready.

Post # 40
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I felt like this before getting engaged. We got engaged on our 6th anniversary, and I started getting really anxious about it! I saw a lot of people meet-get engaged-married(or set a date) before we were engaged.

We’re having a 2 year engagement because

1) Money

2) I’m in school and get super stressed/work really hard during the year

3) We’re having a Destination Wedding, and by the time we got the date/venue settled, it wouldn’t be enough time to do it in 1 year. We want to give people enough time to save/ plan ahead for the vacation

We’ve only been engaged for 2 months! I know I will get impatient later on….but a lot of our friends have had 2+ year engagements, so it’s not out of the norm here

Post # 41
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ltj14:  I’m right there with you.  We got engaged July 2012 and we won’t be married until 1 year and 11 months later, June 2014, and will have been together just shy of 5 years.  I know we’re making the right choice – waiting, saving money, paying bills, etc; but, I really wish the wait was over.  There’s only so much wedding planning, changing one’s mind, and replanning one can do.  And although I had this dream of a debt free wedding, I’m starting to become completely apathetic to the whole process.  Sorry but I really don’t care if the chair covers are Flax or Butter, as long as there’s enough chairs I’m over it. Several nights, my Fiance and I are sitting on the couch and saying we could just do it tomorrow…; but, we know that it wouldn’t be fair to those who’ve already booked for our destination wedding.  I know we’re using this time wisely, he’s cleaning up his debt, I’m saving for our wedding, etc.   But it sucks knowing that I’ve already waited 13 months and I still have 10 more months to go.  I just want to stop saying Fiance and start saying Husband.

As a side note, when my Fiance and I started dating, I went to my girlfriend’s wedding.  In the almost 5 years we’ve been dating. She’s been married, divorced, had two kids, and got remarried this year. It really makes me wonder if we took our relationship too slow.  

 

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