2 yrs in & headed for divorce

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am really sorry that you are going through this.  There is nothing that you can do, when a man is in love with another woman.  Aren’t there rules in their workplace against dating co-workers?  Most companies strictly adhere to this.  What you can do is get a good lawyer, get some counselling, and know there is nothing wrong with you. I wish I could give you a big hug.

Post # 3
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I have no real advice other than I am really sorry this happened to you.  It is probably best that you get things in order to protect yourself going forward including getting a therapist for yourself.  

Post # 4
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee

I have a friend going through almost the identical thing right now (like scarily close – if it weren’t for the fact that you don’t have kids already, I would have thought she wrote this post).

It sucks.  I’m sorry.

But there’s nothing to salvage at this point.  Divorce doesn’t have to be a mutual decision and you can’t save something when one of the parties doesn’t want it to be saved.

You also need to get it out of your head that this other woman is to blame.  If it wasn’t her, it would be someone else.  Or it would be just him alone bailing on your marriage.  She isn’t the problem, she’s only a symptom of the problem.  Even if we indulge some theory that she pursued him – HE said YES.  You can’t steal what what doesn’t want to be stolen.  And even if she’s some charming seductress with a siren call who manipulates men, then that means your husband is so weak-willed that he abandons his marriage vows with the slightest interest from another vagina.  It takes two to make this happen.  She’s not the main villain in your story.  She may be one, but she’s not the main one.

At this point, be thankful that kids aren’t in the picture yet to make this even more difficult and complicated.  Contact a lawyer first thing in the morning to see what your first steps should be and clarify your legal rights.  If you keep shared bank accounts, take your half and open a separate account.  Figure out what you have to do to remove yourself from any shared credit cards.  Start working on housing arrangements.  Find a therapist to help yourself work through this.  See if your work has an EAP that may offer a couple of free counseling sessions or a referral program.

It will be hard, but you’ll survive it.  Lots of people have experienced the same and have come out the other side okay.  Many find themselves even better off than before.   You never know what the future has in store.

Post # 5
Member
1517 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Cut your losses and be glad he showed his true colors BEFORE you had kids with him. You will be better off even though I’m sure you’re devastated right now. There’s no going back from this. Let him have his fantasy life and move on.

Post # 6
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Been there. Done that. As hurtful as it is right now, please continue to ask yourself “Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me”?

Take care of yourself. You will not only survive, you will thrive.

Post # 7
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee

His excuses as to why your relationship isn’t worth salvaging (to him) are just excuses. It’s pretty common in affairs for the cheating partner to suddenly become very critical of the partner they’re cheating on — it assuages their guilt. You travel too much together? That’s one of the most ridiculous complaints I’ve heard. He clearly just wants out, and is trying to reason his way into an argument that makes him not look like the bad guy and so he doesn’t have to take responsiblity for hurting you. Don’t listen to it — it’s not your fault. 

 

Post # 9
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My husband fell in love with someone else, I didn’t see it coming.  No one wants to be, or believes themselves to be, the bad guy (typically) so we skew things in our head to fit that narrative.  That is what your husband is doing.  Mine didn’t speak to his parents for a full year after he left because he didn’t want to be judged.  He’s taught them so well that they never tell him they think something differently than he does but they’ll also never forget he did that.

Best thing you can do is show him the door and wish him well.  Don’t do what I did and become a pathetic crying doormat.  Also, know that everyone will be watching your every move and every social media post for quite some time.  Carry yourself well. Be dignified. You’ll be grateful later once you’ve gotten over this.  

Dont text or call him unless it’s a true emergency.  Become the enemy and you’ll just bring them closer together, which will not be as fun as watching them fall apart (like I got to see) when reality isn’t as fun as they thought it was going to be.  

Believe me when I say they won’t last even 5 years.  Just sit back and watch the chaos, turn your anger to pity because his life will be quite the poop show.

Post # 10
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

Please check out survivinginfidelity.com 

Please

Also, is she still married? Her husband MUST be told. 

Post # 11
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2000

Ditto survivinginfidelity.com 

Post # 12
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m so sorry thst you’re having to go through this.  Glad to hear you have a lawyer, find a therapist and also get an STD screening.   

Post # 14
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

He’s been unhappy for a while but was ready to start TTC this month? 🤔

OP I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you.

I agree that you should lawyer up.

I know it’s way too soon, but you’ll be free to find a man who will truly cherish you and who would never do this to you. 

Post # 15
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
brokenbride8 :  I am so, so, so sorry this happened to you. But please understand, this relationship he is leaving you for WILL.NOT.LAST. It will not. Mark my words, it will implode.  Karma is a big, bad bitch and they will both get there’sI am so sorry. 

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