2 yrs in & headed for divorce

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Wow.

I am so sorry! 

Post # 18
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
brokenbride8 :  omg i am so sorry.

What a dick. At least his family knows he is a dick. They probably are mortified at him and tried to tell him what a dick he is and he got upset. 

In a way, he is right. It doesnt have much to do with this other girl and everything to do with him being a dick. 

Honestly, it turns into a never ending pit of pain if you keep digging or looking for answers or reasons. There is no set reason nothing you could have avoided, dont look back – keep looking forward.

You are young and when time heals this (it will take a long time but you will get there) you will find someone who makes you very happy. He will break up with this one very soon (i mean, look at how it started). Block all forms of communication with him and his family and take time for yourself. 

 

Post # 19
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
brokenbride8 :  let this loser go. You deserve so much better. I had an ex that tried to make me the bad guy and made me second guess myself when he did a 180, acted shady and then wanted to break up. I was so confused, he told me we were incompatible because I liked ghost stories and believed in them.. makes me laugh so hard now but it was his way of grasping at straws to cover up his cheating a$$. After a rough few months I moved on and found an amazing man. You will too. Good luck and chin up girl!

Post # 20
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

As pp said, be thrilled you don’t have kids with this loser. It wound so like you both met while young and he feels cheated of his chance to sample different vaginas. He’s immature and you’re well shot of him.

Forget him, forget about his lover, and move on. Sorry to say, but I also would start to let go of his family. Eventually they’ll forgive him, and you’ll become an unwanted reminder of his failed marriage.

Make sure all communications are through your lawyer from now on.

 

Post # 21
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m so sorry, bee. I agree with the others that you need to lawyer up ASAP. It sounds like he has no interest in being cordial or decent, so you need to protect yourself.

Big hugs to you. He is not the person you thought you married, and that has to be so hard to reconcile. You have your whole life ahead of you and I promise you will find someone who is more gentle with your heart.

Post # 23
Member
10388 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
brokenbride8 :  

Just want  to wish you well and to reiterate all that pp have said. My first marriage ended with his unexpected  adultery too, it feels truly awful I know.

I have a few things , in  hindsight 

  •  comport  yourself with dignity , in person and   on social media . You will never regret doing so . No crying, calling,  begging, and –  oh  and just in case,  – no  sex if he comes round.
  • dont tell details to family or anybody, or at  least to as few people as possible. I am still mortified  I told my father ( what was I thinking!!) some stuff 
  • don’t blame the  ‘other woman’  – doesn’t matter what she did, it’s what  he did that’s the problem  
  • if possible when asked tell people , especially at work or university or whatever  ‘ it just  didn’t work  out after all’,  or some other phrase indicating mutual  decision . There   is no need for randoms to know you were blindsided and cheated on .
  • Yes get a lawyer asap, 
  • don’t be the one to leave  the house   unless you want to 
  • dont abandon stuff that  you want to keep/take 
  • and did   I say don’t call,  text , email , drive by , walk by, go round ? Nuthin.   

This too will pass dear OP , come here and vent and bemoan , we are all here for you .

Post # 24
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

You should get your lawyer to send something saying he can only contact you thru the lawyer.

Post # 25
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Reinforcing another comment about not moving out of the house. Consult with your lawyer before doing anything like removing all your belongings etc as it may have legal ramifications or make it harder to get him out or whatever.

He obviously has had plenty of time to get his head around your marriage ending and is well over it by now, whereas you are blindsided. Protect yourself, don’t be around him alone, make everything go through your lawyer. Don’t agree to anything right now when you are very emotional and devastated or you might regret it later.

Post # 26
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

I recently went through a divorce and although he wasn’t cheating, I suffered a lot. We had been together 13 years, we started dating in highschool. But what I want you to know is that although now it feels like you won’t be able to survive this loss, you will.

Take good care of yourself, get a good lawyer and a therapist. Accept help from family and friends. Try to get some decent sleep and eat well, you will need to be strong to recover from this. 

Everyday it will hurt a little less, and eventually you will be ready to move on. You will be stronger and wiser. That guy didn’t know how to value you nor to treat you the way you deserved. But I swear the day will come when you will be able to see this isn’t such a big loss, since you get to start your life without someone who took you for granted and disrespected you so awfully. 

Be brave, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Post # 28
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I know this post is three weeks old but I just want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. How are you doing? My former roommate was cheated on by his spouse with a co-worker. He’s now getting remarried this spring and is very happy. I wish you the best and hope that you meet someone that loves and respects you.

Post # 29
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

How devastating. Count your lucky stars that you don’t have kids with him yet. His reasons are non-sense. There has to be more to it  than those superficial reasons and if these reasons are true to him, then he isn’t someone of very good character to begin with. I would suggest councilling if he is open to it, but if he has no interest to fixing things, you are best to break things off and move on.

Post # 30
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

Checking in to see how you’re doing bee. I hope you are taking care of yourself and in the midst of taking him to the cleaners for being a lying, cheating, a$$hole!

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