- 3 years ago
- Wedding: January 2021
I am so sorry!
I am so sorry!
Update: his treachery runs deep…he met this woman about a year ago and all those work events? She was there…he also had been sending her flowers to work every day like they are from a secret admirer. He snapped on his mother when she tried to get the truth of the matter out of him saying “I don’t have to tell you anything!” – he writes me a “letter” aka an email last night out of the blue rehashing he has fallen out of love with me, rehashing the reasons why, telling me to stop communicating with his family (got them Christmas gifts like I do every year) and basically downplaying his affair partner saying I’ve “convinced” myself that this other woman plays a big role. Plot twist: I know someone who has validated that it is indeed this other woman…he has been grasping at straws to conjure up things to resent me for to validate his actions. It just keeps getting worse….
What a dick. At least his family knows he is a dick. They probably are mortified at him and tried to tell him what a dick he is and he got upset.
In a way, he is right. It doesnt have much to do with this other girl and everything to do with him being a dick.
Honestly, it turns into a never ending pit of pain if you keep digging or looking for answers or reasons. There is no set reason nothing you could have avoided, dont look back – keep looking forward.
You are young and when time heals this (it will take a long time but you will get there) you will find someone who makes you very happy. He will break up with this one very soon (i mean, look at how it started). Block all forms of communication with him and his family and take time for yourself.
As pp said, be thrilled you don’t have kids with this loser. It wound so like you both met while young and he feels cheated of his chance to sample different vaginas. He’s immature and you’re well shot of him.
Forget him, forget about his lover, and move on. Sorry to say, but I also would start to let go of his family. Eventually they’ll forgive him, and you’ll become an unwanted reminder of his failed marriage.
Make sure all communications are through your lawyer from now on.
I’m so sorry, bee. I agree with the others that you need to lawyer up ASAP. It sounds like he has no interest in being cordial or decent, so you need to protect yourself.
Big hugs to you. He is not the person you thought you married, and that has to be so hard to reconcile. You have your whole life ahead of you and I promise you will find someone who is more gentle with your heart.
Thank you everyone for the support and recommendation
Just want to wish you well and to reiterate all that pp have said. My first marriage ended with his unexpected adultery too, it feels truly awful I know.
I have a few things , in hindsight
This too will pass dear OP , come here and vent and bemoan , we are all here for you .
You should get your lawyer to send something saying he can only contact you thru the lawyer.
Reinforcing another comment about not moving out of the house. Consult with your lawyer before doing anything like removing all your belongings etc as it may have legal ramifications or make it harder to get him out or whatever.
He obviously has had plenty of time to get his head around your marriage ending and is well over it by now, whereas you are blindsided. Protect yourself, don’t be around him alone, make everything go through your lawyer. Don’t agree to anything right now when you are very emotional and devastated or you might regret it later.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this.
I recently went through a divorce and although he wasn’t cheating, I suffered a lot. We had been together 13 years, we started dating in highschool. But what I want you to know is that although now it feels like you won’t be able to survive this loss, you will.
Take good care of yourself, get a good lawyer and a therapist. Accept help from family and friends. Try to get some decent sleep and eat well, you will need to be strong to recover from this.
Everyday it will hurt a little less, and eventually you will be ready to move on. You will be stronger and wiser. That guy didn’t know how to value you nor to treat you the way you deserved. But I swear the day will come when you will be able to see this isn’t such a big loss, since you get to start your life without someone who took you for granted and disrespected you so awfully.
Be brave, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I know this post is three weeks old but I just want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. How are you doing? My former roommate was cheated on by his spouse with a co-worker. He’s now getting remarried this spring and is very happy. I wish you the best and hope that you meet someone that loves and respects you.
How devastating. Count your lucky stars that you don’t have kids with him yet. His reasons are non-sense. There has to be more to it than those superficial reasons and if these reasons are true to him, then he isn’t someone of very good character to begin with. I would suggest councilling if he is open to it, but if he has no interest to fixing things, you are best to break things off and move on.
Checking in to see how you’re doing bee. I hope you are taking care of yourself and in the midst of taking him to the cleaners for being a lying, cheating, a$$hole!