Post # 1
I work with older colleagues (many of which are in wedding planning mode as well) and I keep getting looks of judgement when I talk about my wedding… I even got a “OMG you’re how old? You’re a child bride!”. So now, instead of feeling proud to share my wedding updates I almost feel ashamed. Like I don’t deserve this or I haven’t “lived enough” to deserve this. It’s driving me crazy because in generations gone by 20-something wouldn’t have even been that old to be planning a wedding! What’s worse, I have a (slightly) blush coloured gown… Which is playing on my child bride fears! That’s stupid, right?
What’s your advice 20-something bees? How do you deal with judgement? How do you share your excitement when it feels insignificant?
I’d love to hear your experiences…
By the way I’ve been with my fiancé for 5 years! And I’m in my mid 20s.
Post # 2
I am 23. No one has ever told me I was a child bride.
Post # 3
I am 23 and I haven’t gotten the “you’re so young” talk before. As OP stated, in past generations, we probably would be side-eyed for not having one or two kids at this point. It sucks that the world is so judgy. Don’t let them make you feel bad. Most of the older ladies at my work were more excited than I was. Haha. Someone will always judge you. I think blush is beautiful. Do you mind sharing pics? I think it’s just a lot to do with people moving stuff back into their thirties. I HAVE gotten told I should wait until I was a “mature 28 year old (no exaggeration, those exact words were used)” and I just cried and cried, because this was a person who barely knew me and told me I was too young to know what I wanted. Then I realized that everyone is different. I’m super mature for my age. My sister is a year younger and is no where near my level. She’s a little more wild. There’s no right age (to an extent. If you’re actually a child, then no you shouldn’t get married). We’re adults. They hold us legally accountable for our actions at 18… 🙂
Post # 4
AlmostMrsA_16: 20-something is kind of vague…while it’s inappropriate for anyone to be making those comments to you regardless of your age, I’d be shocked if you were getting those remarks at 25+. 20, 21…I guess I wouldn’t be as surprised (though, like I said, it’s still not okay). How old are you?
I’m 27 and definitely haven’t received any such remarks (nor would I expect to since I think my age is hovering near the “average”).
Post # 5
They sound judgmental and jealous. If you’re happy and in love, then I think you’re blessed to have found your soulmate so young. That’s how I feel. Enjoy this time and take the people who don’t really matter’s opinions with a grain of salt.
Post # 6
I am 23 and the only person whos said anything about age was my grandma who got married at my age to a man who ended up being an alcoholic and abuser. The only people i really talk wedding stuff to though know us and think we are ready. I barely talk about it to colkeagues. Dont stress about yhe blush, that has nothing to do with age and is very on trend. Hot pink id be worried 🙂
Post # 7
Luckily I haven’t had any remarks like that – yet and I am in my mid twenties, my FI and I have been together for 8 years. It would be interesting to know what was being said behind my back as two almost thirty year olds just got married.
I know that some Bees think that my line of thinking is silly, but honestly, they are most likely just feeling defensive. Often, people find it hard to remember that what is right for one person, may not be right for another. Instead, they see any difference to their own choice as a declaration of “my decision is better than yours”, doubt their own decision and therefore decide to make you feel badly about your own. I hope that makes sense. :/
Just try to ignore them and stop sharing, you’ll likely be unable to get them to stop. It sucks but it’s to protect yourself from harm.
Post # 8
I am 24. I’ll be 25 and he will be 34 when we’re married. I work with several older (divorced) women who say “Ohhh, you just need to enjoy being single…” and so on and so forth. They said this before I was engaged (but they knew I was in a long-term, committed relationship). I understand that their personal experieces haven’t been ideal, but it’s certainly not their place to give this kind of advice based on their own failed marriages. It’s kind of selfish, if you ask me, because I also know even more people who have lasted longer than they have.
But you know what?
It’s not about other people.
It’s about you and him. Not them.
Post # 9
AlmostMrsA_16: my advice would be to keep the wedding talk to a minimum at work. Unless somebody specifically asks you about it, don’t bring it up. That way you won’t be inviting any judgement or comments.
Post # 10
I got married just before I turned 22 and in general I didn’t get any of that… I did get one friend who freaked out but mostly that was down to him not liking my fiance.
Best advice is to just not discuss it at work, I’m sure there are plenty of friends and family who are excited for you.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
I’m 22 but I look about 16, will be married 2 months shy of turning 23. Other than a few people being shocked that I’m two years out of university and not actually in high school, no one’s ever been rude enough to call me a “child bride”. Some people have said that 22 is very young but I’m very confident in my life experiences and maturity so I usually reply with an “Uh-huh” and move on. I think that if you’re trul confident in your decision to marry, then you shouldn’t let other people shake you.
Also, I agree with PP. Don’t mention your wedding at work too frequently. I personally find it VERY awkward to discuss what I’m doing and have people start asking how much things cost or talking about details with other people in the office.
Post # 12
I’m 25 and had a few of the comments of ‘but you’re so young, there’s no rush’ which annoyed me a little bit, but they were definitely in the minority, and actually tended to be before I got engaged! Once I got engaged work colleagues just seemed to accept that it was my life, and none of their business (if they aren’t my friends) or were supportive (if they are!)
I didn’t proactively share updates with colleagues who weren’t direct friends though, and only said anything if one of them asked me. I think keeping it under wraps a bit more is a good idea.
Post # 13
I’m 29 and I get people tell me I’m young to be getting married so I wouldn’t worry! My other half is 36 and he doesn’t get any comments so I guess we have to be mid thirties to get married these days
Post # 14
I married very late in life (mid 40s), but MANY of the best, strongest, happiest, most loving marriages with which I am familiar are couples who married in their 20s. In fact, many of those couples were in their very early 20s.
Yes, age should bring more wisdom, but it doesn’t necessarily bring the right person or more love. In fact, it’s very possible to be immature or have unrealistic expectations of marriage at any age — sometimes moreso the older and more set in your ways that you are. Likewise, It’s also very possible to be mature and committed at a young age.
If you’re blessed to have FOUND the right person and to have BECOME the right person for marriage at a young age, I would encourage you to fully and joyfully make that lifetime commitment.
Post # 15
I’m almost 21 but I look 15 so I get those looks and comments a lot. I am still excited about my wedding because it is my life. Screw them. I found the man I want to spend my life with and that’s amazing. In saying that at work (retail) I say partner, I don’t have the patience to deal with strangers asking me those questions or making rude comments.