(Closed) 20-Somethings Marrying An Older Man!

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Gorse Hill, Surrey, UK

My fiance is nearly 13 years older than me, I’m 28 and he is 40. We met when I was 21 and he was 34. 

There is no difference in our relationship to any other couple, except for hte odd moment where he asks me if I remember something and I have to remind him I wasnt even born then lol.

Disadvantages I suppose might come later in life as he will obviously be ahead of me in terms of aging and the problems that might come with that, but we are both fit healthy adults who take our health seriously. 

Advantages are he already has a daughter who just turned 19, and neither of us want children together so hes already been there done that and it works for us. Hs also alot maturer in terms on finances and house work πŸ™‚

either way, every ones relationship is different whether you are the same age or 20 years apart. If it works for you then dont let any one stop you

Post # 3
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

It really can go both ways. Men are not very mature lol. My husband is  33 next month and I am 24. I had to grow up pretty fast at a young age so I’m a bit experienced and mature. My husband is a goof ball but has been married twice before me and has learned and experienced a great deal. He knows what works and what may not work. He know what may keep him in trouble and what wont lol. He’s ready to settle down he was ready to start a family. we are pretty much on the same level mentally. People who know us know that the age difference was a good thing for us. He’s goofy and likes to joke around a lot and needed a younger spirit. And I wanted a family my own home and have serious goals in life. We balance each other out. I feel 30 something and he feels 20 something. It works out for the both of us. And could work out for you too!

Post # 4
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

10 years is not really a huge age gap it is more so when your younger. Once you hit 30 and 40 you probably won’t even really notice. I was expecting you to say 40 or 50 year old lol.

Post # 5
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee

You know, I think the success of these relationships is purely based on the individuals.  At 20 I married my ex who was 30.  We divorced 8 years later.  We know have grown children and grandchildren so we see each other several times a year at bday parties, etc. My ex-h has “chosen” to be old.  Really old.  I am 55, he is 65, 66 in November.  My DH looks 20 years younger than exh and is only 7 years younter.  Ex-h has decided he is old, acts like he is old, and is basically old now.  Such a shame.  I would truly be sad to be married to such an old man.  He has been married to his current wife, who is about 4 years younger than me, for 24ish years.  They are uber miserable, and I don’t say that because he is my ex – it is just the truth.

Then, you have my friend Jack, who is 19 years older than his wife C.  Jack is 69 years old today.  He is freaking amazing.  Serious hiker.  Google Isle Royale in Michigan.  It isn’t for the faint of heart.  He hiked it again this year.  Alone.  I wouldn’t have touched that place with a 10 foot pole 20 years ago!  Jack is in amazing shape and he and C have a great interest in life, people, and travel extensively internationally.  Jack chooses to be young, so he is  young.  They have a great marriage.

Sometimes it is the age difference that makes a difference 10 years down the road, and sometimes it is not.  My experience is that what is important is later in life.  You  have people like my ex, and people like Jack.  I think their attitudes about life contribute GREATLY to the state of their marriages.  One chooses to sit in a chair and be old while his spouse is not, and the other is greatly older than his spouse and she has to try to keep up with him!

Post # 7
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

DH and I have a 15 year age gap. He just turned 43 in August and I will be 28 in October. We have known each other for almost 10 years and we’ve been together for almost 4 now. We always joke that I was born in the wrong generation because I relate so much better to him than to people closer to my age. 

It’ll be more difficult as we get older because of the age difference and health issues that are almost inevitable, but for right now things are great! And honestly, if we all lived our lives in fear of what may happen in the future, we would never take any chances. 

Post # 8
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
ABL12490:  My gap is the same as yours! My Fiance is just a few months short of a full 10 year gap. He is 32 and I am 22- turning 23 in November. We will be married next year in August after 5 and a half years together.

Despite trying, I couldn’t get along with guys by age. They were just immature, silly things. We met in a pub (classy!) and funnily enough he thought I was older because of how I acted and I thought he was younger! We went on a date the next day and just connected. As he was older, he was more mature to suit me but still had his childish moments to match the other side of me. We have a great laugh and lots of fun but we share the same maturity to get through the serious things.

Only negatives I can think of is social stigma, especially while I am still in my 20s. People don’t outright say anything but you know they are thinking about the age gap! As I am 100% happy with my man I do not care. The other negative would be when we get older any health issues. By the way by family pops off in their 70s and his reaches their 80s/90s we may end up popping our clogs at the same time! 

Post # 9
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

We didn’t end up marrying or anything-but I dated a guy about 13 years older for a while. I echo the aspects of maturity and experience as really great positives.  Also, he’d had to work on himself after a divorce and had become such a good man-I wouldn’t have wanted to date his younger self but who he was then was a great person When I met him.  For us, the only and deal-breaker negative was that he had a child from a previous marriage and didn’t want more. And it was hard and may have been selfish, but I really want the opportunity to have my own kids so we went our separate ways. Oh and sometimes he didn’t really care that much when I’d be chatting about the “drama” with friends dating or their relationships because most of his friends were married and way beyond that point in their lives.  But really-those are just the same types of issues I could see in any relationship.

I know there’s the concerns of aging and all down the road for some people. But some people age and have major health issues in their 60s and some not till their 90s. Age is really just a number!

I did get some people who bought into a social stigma but mostly there were only comments behind my back. My fiancé gives me a hard time sometimes for fun about having dated such an “old man” before him; but that’s just because he’s 6 weeks younger and we joke about age differences a lot because there isn’t one πŸ˜‰

Post # 10
Member
3383 posts
Sugar bee

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ABL12490:  I’m 26, Fiance is 43. We don’t notice the age gap. Other people may have raised their eyebrows a bit at first, but they soon got over it! We’ve been together 4 years now (and have known each other 5), so people can see that we’re in it for the long haul. 

Post # 11
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

I’m 25 and DH is 35 (just like OP). I really don’t think 10 years is that much, I really don’t notice it. He’s introduced me to a lot of great 80’s movies, though!

Age isn’t always an indicator of maturity, either. My ex is the same age as DH, and he acted like a 12 year old. One of many reasons I couldn’t stand him in the end.

Post # 13
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - The Armory

View original reply
ABL12490:  my Fiance is 12 years older than me. We initially met when I was 22 turning 23 and he was 35. I was 24 and he was 36 when we started dating. We are getting married in 7 days (OMG!!!) and are now 29 and 41. We discuss our age difference more than anyone, and it’s usually because we are laughing about what we were doing at different points in our lives ( i.e. in 2000 when I was 14 and he was 26) and how our (my) parents would have reacted to us having a relationship at that time. Lol.. then of course there is the usual congratulations from his friends when they realize he got himself a younger woman lol.. I’ve always preferred older guys (it’s my mom’s fault, dad is 10 yes older, stepdad is 13 years older lol).. I didn’t realize how old fi was until right before we started dating, he doesn’t necessarily act his age, has a good sense of humor, and most importantly a loving heart.

The short of it: he loves me for who I am and treats me better than I deserve sometimes.. I couldn’t care less how old he is or how anyone else views our relationship (including the person who told me there was no way we could be in love as early on in our relationship as we were) 

Post # 14
Member
2618 posts
Sugar bee

My parents are 7 years apart in age.  My dad is now retired and ready to play golf all day and wants to travel while he is still physically able.  I believe he fears his active years are limited and sees his life winding down.  My mom, meanwhile, is still working a very busy schedule at a demanding job.  She’s more concerned about their finances after she retires, as she is now the sole bread winner.  So she’s not ready or able to travel with my dad.  It has caused some conflict between them, because they just are in different stages in their lives.  

They have been married almost 40 years so have had many years of happiness.  I don’t think the age difference was an issue when they were younger, I just have seen it bring up these issues now as they have gotten older.  

Post # 15
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

My Fiance is 8 years a 1 month older than me. On our wedding day I will be 32 and he 40. I don’t see a problem, even if I was 30 and he was 40!

Post # 16
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

Age gaps like that don’t seem like a big deal to me. The only huge age gap I’ve noticed that has truly bothered me was a girl that was 18 and a man that was 54. They had a baby last year. It mainly bothered me because she wasn’t 18 until 5 months into her pregnancy. But I have a friend who married a man 13 years older than her and they’ve been married 10 years and are very happy.

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