(Closed) $20? Unhelpful BM rant

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I totally agree with you in regards to your hen night…. those costs are very reasonable, and should have been expected when they agreed to be your BMs.

 

In regards to the makeup…. I tend to agree with most BMs here – it’s super expensive and not necessary. Even if I made a million dollars a year, I still would hate to spend money I think is kind of a waste…. I’m not trying to be rude, but just trying to say it doesn’t matter what their income is, they might not view that as a worthwhile cost.

Post # 4
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@hartmamp:  +1

I agree that the hen night stuff sucks and would bug the heck out of me, too. Your FI’s sister should be communicating with you, or whoever organized the party, and your friends shouldn’t really be griping over the cost of the party. It sounds pretty standard to me. They don’t have to attend if it’s truly a financial burden, but they shouldn’t be griping to you — the cost just isn’t unreasonable.

Post # 5
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

People who are bad with money really bug me. That was a huge part of why I am no longer friends with a former roommate. Also, people who know things well in advance and can’t be arsed to plan for it. Why even bother telling people that kind of thing if they aren’t going to listen anyway? Argh.

Originally I told them they were paying $50 for makeup. It was the absolute cheapest I could get it (while still being good) so I booked it.

It’s been said a million times, but I’ll repeat it: you cannot expect bridesmaids to have professional hair and makeup done unless you are the one paying for it.

Post # 6
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Your Bridesmaid or Best Man friend sounds like she doesn’t really have any responsibilities in her life, and therefore, doesn’t need to be responsible.  Your hen night sounds very reasonable, I can’t understand why she wouldn’t be able to save the $40 over several months, but I agree with your BMs on the make-up.  As a bride, I wouldn’t consider asking my girls to pay for their own hair/make-up if I required them to get it professionally done.  Then again, I didn’t require my girls to buy a dress, shoes, jewelry or throw any parties/showers for me, but because I didn’t ask for these things, my girls have gone above and beyond for me.

Post # 7
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I believe the rudest thing anyone can say when they are invited somewhere is ‘I don’t have money’. Gah.

It feels like they are either telling you so you pity them and pay for them or so (if you don’t) then they have something dramatic to talk about behind your back. I have made it a point to say this loudly in my friend group numerous times.

(HUGS) Just tell her to come if she can afford and if not – you’ll do a shot for her. Then be done with it. She’s being rude.

Post # 8
Member
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Yeah $15 may not seem like a big difference but when you think about $65 for makeup it may be tough to swallow. It isn’t about the $15 it’s about the overall price. I wouldn’t be so capricious is spending other people’s money. 

As for the hen’s night, it’s annoying that she doesn’t have the money by again, stop watching her wallet. just leave it up to her whether or not she wants to come. 

Post # 9
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

OP, I agree with your Bridesmaid or Best Man that is so irresponsible with her money.  She had plenty of time to set aside $40 for your hen night!  That is completely reasonable.  I would be pissed over that too.

While I agree with other PPs who said that you should pay for the makeup, in this case, you say they haven’t paid for anything for the wedding, so in this case I do think they can stand to fork over some money for it, especially since you cleared it with them beforehand.  The jump in makeup price is a little questionable to me since you didn’t clear that with them before going that route.  Still $65 is a lot less than dress, shoes, accessories for many weddings…

Post # 12
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@MrsRidley:  No, I get you!  In that case, I’m even more in your camp.  They agreed to it, they should stop their griping.

Post # 14
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I hate to see it when someone is analyzing someone else’s finances. Just can’t stand it. You’ve got no idea what’s going on in her life. If it’s not that much money to you and since it’s your wedding, pay for it.

Post # 15
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What a bunch of jerks! Sorry you are having to deal with this. Sounds like you have taken all the proper steps… it’s the girls being difficult. I hope even after all this you have a wonderful hen’s night! Don’t let them ruin your good time!

Post # 16
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

@suburbian:  I can’t agree that saying you don’t have money is the rudest thing. I’ve had this as my legitamite excuse for a number of things that were sprung up on me, because I’ve been saving every penny I have. And it wasn’t because I wanted someone to pay – it’s because I had no money.

It’s really hard when a friend keeps bugging you to go for coffee, and you’ve said “I can’t” a number of times. One month I had £1.50 and had to tell my friend “I can’t go – I have NO money”. She just didn’t get it.

That said – I will use that excuse if something is sprung on me. NOT if it’s been planned in advance. It annoys me when friends complain that they have no money, when they do – but choose to spend it elsewhere, despite knowing that we had plans. Seeing facebook statues saying “yay takeaway tonight!” after they’ve bailed on me is a sure fire way to get me angry!

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