(Closed) 2009 or 2010?!? with pros and cons. HELP!

posted 11 years ago in Beehive
  • poll: 2009 or 2010? What do you think I should do?
    Get married in Aug 2009 : (9 votes)
    24 %
    Get married in 2010 : (26 votes)
    70 %
    Toss a coin or make it random. : (1 votes)
    3 %
    I have no idea. : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 18
    1276 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I’m one of the people who voted to wait.  You mentioned in a different post something about how he wants to work on improving your communication issues, though you don’t say too much about them.  But if he’s saying that’s what he wants (to work on improving an aspect of your relationship that he feels needs it), it sounds like a really good sign for your future marriage and a good reason to wait…or at least put off deciding.  It sounds like he takes having a good relationship very seriously, and that he wants to be able to enter your marriage with more openness than he can currently achieve for whatever reason.  As Niki says, what if you guys focused on talking about that instead of about the wedding date?  It might help him get to being able to articulate what his reasons for wanting to wait are…or maybe help him figure out that they aren’t a big deal.  But either way, it’s sounding like he’s a pretty shy person who has trouble expressing his feelings…and the pressure to decide about the wedding date is just making it harder.  But either way, I think focusing on the wedding date is getting in the way of focusing on your relationship.  Whatever you decide about the wedding date, if you end up in an LDR it’s going to be much harder to work on these things (I say this with *a lot* of LDR experience).  So maybe it would be better to put the energy into your relationship now and wait on the wedding planning.  I know I had a really hard time with the idea of getting married, and I really couldn’t explain why.  And it took just giving myself the space not to think about marriage and only to think about us to realize what my hesitations were and that I was ready to overcome them.

    Post # 20
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Oh, Kristen, I don’t think anyone is trying to make you feel crappy for wanting to get married sooner rather than later! This is a really exciting and fun transition! Of course you’ll want to get there soon! I don’t know a woman who doesn’t feel that way at some point during the planning. 🙂 

    Please, please don’t feel badly for wanting to get married sooner than he does. If you have a happy relationship, that’s really all that matters. 

    Post # 22
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    personally, i think you should wait until after grad school. you definitely don’t want to live apart during your first year of marriage. our engagement will be a week away from two years when we get married, but i seriously don’t regret it. we were going to get married sooner, but we decided to wait until we were done with school… one of the best decisions we’ve ever made! i would’ve LOVED to get married last year or to get married this summer. i want to be his wife very badly, BUT i know that waiting until after we’re both graduated is going to really pay off in the long run. hope that helps!

    Post # 23
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I agree with most of the people that have responded. I think it would be best for y’all to wait a bit. It sounds like your fiance has a few issues that are extremely important for him to solve before you guys make things permanent. Also, if you did it earlier, since your parents have already promised so much money to your sister, you might feel a little unimportant knowing that your parents won’t be able to help you out much. I know I would. I am feeling that way now and my sister got married 6 years ago.

     Just remember, there is not rush. You have the rest of your lives to be together!

    Post # 24
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I say wait. Don’t rush the wedding stuff! If you have a solid relationship there is no need to rush the wedding:)

    Post # 25
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    I agree with the others that it might be best to wait. I thought that I wanted a short engagement (we’ve been together for 8 years), but in retrospect I’ve really appreciated the extra time to plan and also to adapt emotionally to what it means to be engaged. It was a big adjustment for me, and I’m really happy that we waited.

    I’m currently in grad school, and it hasn’t been *too* bad to plan a wedding and attend class/teach at the same time. Actually, wedding planning is sometimes a nice respite from the rigors of academia. I’m not sure how long your program is, but it will be totally possible to plan the wedding during grad school if that’s what you guys decide that you want to do.

    Best of luck!

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