Post # 1
Fiance and I are wedding planning right now and planning to do a small civil ceremony and fancy dinner with only parents and then going on our destination wedding which everyone will be invited to. His parents are divorced and both remarried. The small civil ceremony is his mom and stepfather’s idea because they were concerned about getting a marriage license overseas. I don’t know if that’s a typical issue, but I kind of liked the idea anyways and so did Fiance so we agreed to it.
Now, we were paying for the wedding ourselves. We haven’t asked any of our parents to contribute. However Future Father-In-Law and FSMIL are insisting on paying forour stay at the destination resort and my parents want to to cover the dress, wedding package, odds and ends whatever. Very generous. I know that contributing is really NOT required. But it really irks me that two sets of the parents are really making such generous contributions to our wedding while Future Mother-In-Law and FSFIL refuse to contribute anything. They get an incredible five star dinner with just parents and get to enjoy the wedding package in the Carribean all paid for by everyone BUT them? It just seems so cheap to me, especially since they are financially very capable and know that the two other sets of parents are pretty much paying for everything. It’s not that we need more money, but for me, it’s really just the principle of it! Am I way out of line here? Do we say anything? Probably just need to bite my tongue, right?
Post # 3
Yeah, I think you need to bite your tongue. They may contribute or make a gift eventually, or they may not. But they don’t really owe you anything, especially not just because your other parents gave you money. Just enjoy the wedding and your family!
Post # 4
No, dont say anything. Like you said, its not their responsibility to pay for anything for your wedding. And who knows…maybe a very generous wedding gift is in your future?
Post # 5
You’re both right. Even just writing it out made me feel better. It’s amazing what can get you all worked up while you’re in the midst of planning. Lol. Thanks ladies!
Post # 6
Dont say anything.. But I can see how this is frustrating for sure.. Its like that with FI’s parents.. ugh.
Post # 7
@organizedbride11: Right? I feel like the two less well off sets of parents are sponsoring some really fun social events for them. But whatever.
Woooo-saaaaahh. Lol. 😉
Post # 8
I realise this is your inlaws, so it’s probably not your place to say anything – how does your fiance feel? If anything should be said, it should come from him.
I am in this situation and it’s very upsetting.
My inlaws, grandparents on both sides and mother have generously helped us out with the honeymoon, cash for the wedding itself and the dress – without us asking for anything. My father who is remarried and makes 6 figures so does his new wife, have not offered a penny. I find this sort of behaviour embarassing. Obviously my mother (who has very little but has helped so much) knows about my father’s behaviour, but I am embarassed about his behaviour in light of my inlaws who have been more than generous.
I will be saying, when I get the nerve, that although we have the funds to have a wedding without his help, that it is very hurtful that he wouldn’t consider helping his first born out with the most important day of her life.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t say anything. I’m glad you have two sets of parents willingly contributing to your wedding, but I would feel really uncomfortable asking them for money. I know if is frustrating considering they are better off than the other sets of parents. Maybe they plan to give you a very generous wedding gift.
Post # 10
Y arn’t they supposed to pay for themselves at the destination? that’s the only thing you should ask of them. It’s really strange if your other parents pay for their stay and food and stuff.
Post # 11
In some cultures it is viewed as an insult to offer to pay for a wedding for a couple, it implies that they don’t believe the couple can do it themselves. Or perhaps , while they were debating it, everything they wanted to help with was taken. I think it is a little ridiculous to complain that your family is so generous that you don’t have to stress about the wedding, but not EVERYONE gave you money. Fiance and I are paying for our own wedding entirely, with no offer from either sets of parents to help and it is so very very stressful. If it really bothers you then you could drop hints like “I really would also like to have “blah blah and blah, but I am not sure if it is in the budget..”