(Closed) 23, wish I had married younger against all advice.

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@teabiscuit:  I think I understand how you feel because I’ve been engaged for over 2 years with no definite wedding date.  By the time we get married I feel like the joy will be sucked right of the event.  There’s something to be said of the momentum of wanting to get married, getting married and then living life.  However, I think for me especially focusing on how much I’ve changed in the last few years and knowing that I won’t be going into it lightly.

Post # 4
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Now you know without a doubt that it is meant to be and you worked trough some one of the “growing pains’ some people go through. There is absolutely no harm in waiting if it is meant to be.

Post # 5
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It’s refreshing to see someone say they wish they would have/should have gotten married sooner. Usually everyone insists that we (FI and I) should wait until we’re older. But why? So we can say we dated for 4 years first? I’d rather have dated for 2.5 like we have, and be married for 2 by that point.

I’m 19, my Fiance is 22 and we’re getting married in 17 days. We have a healthy, happy, unbelievable relationship that we’re proud of. We’re going to get to spend more time married.

Post # 7
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Great for all of you- you all sound very excited and happy.

To be fair, however, every woman I know will say they changed their outlook on life/love tremendously between their teenage years and adulthood.  Its almost like some sort of hormone cloud that you just one day wake up from when you’re 24-26.  I think that is what most people base their comments on when they suggest waiting until you’re older.

Post # 8
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m 24 and I really don’t think my needs for a partner have changed since I started dating at 15.  Yes, I’ve changed, but I really just think I’ve learned to be a better and more competent version of who I once was rather than an entirely different person.  I had fun in college and was immature sometimes but nothing major that would have broken a relationship. 

It’s hard to say for me, since the “married at 18” wasn’t an option– though my Fiance and I were friends back then, I just had dated a different guy for most of high school! I did love my time in college, joining clubs and living in dorms, but I don’t have the other experience (having a committed relationship at 18) to compare with?


Post # 9
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

FH and I are 21, but I know what you are saying. We haven’t really changed from when we were 19

Post # 10
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@teabiscuit:  I respect that you are saying. I think you guys are one of the few. Most relationships that begin that young, end shortly thereafter. I think the great thing is that you guys did wait, and you still want the same thing. This shows everyone that they were wrong about your relationship.

However, I have to say that in like 90% of cases or more, the person that you are sure you are going to marry at 15, 16, 17, etc. is NOT the person you marry. Your 23, which isn’t old by any means but also isn’t super young to marry, but life changes so so much between 18 and 23, and 18 and 28. It worked out for you but I think people speak from a place of concern and don’t mean anything bad by it.

Glad it’s working out for you guys though!

Post # 11
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I also think you are one of the few! I mean, when I was 13 I thought I knew it all… then when i was 17 I looked back and thought “yikes”! Same when I was 21. I look back at me at 21 now and think… I was such a child, even though I didn’t think I was… I mean, I had two jobs, I was in uni… but I also made a lot of bad decisions which I didn’t even realise were bad at the time.

I don’t think I’ve changed as a person, but I do think that my decision making process has changed, and I have very different behavioural outcomes now. So by all means, you may look back and wish you had got married before now… but for every bride who wishes she had married young, there will be 10 who wish they hadn’t!

Not wanting to rain on your parade here… well done… quite an achievement… but I don’t think you’re the average youngster, if you see what I mean!

Post # 12
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

My husband and I have been together since I as 15 as well. I will be 21 his year and he will be 23. We got married when I was 19 and I do not regret it at all. So I completely understand where you are coming from. But keep your head up! You guys can get married and then say hey look we made it work without being married for many years! We was together 4 years when we got married in 2010. So I am sure you guys will be together quite a few more than that when you get married. I am sorry you had to wait though. But I am glad you found your love so early on! 🙂

Post # 13
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I also started dating my now fiance at 15 years old it’s been about 9 1/2 years now and we are getting married next month. I didn’t want to get married at 18 or really young though. But I knew we would eventually marry. We were just perfect for eachother even at that age.

Post # 14
1842 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with MrsEstep, I am glad you found your one so early on.

I am 23, my DH is 29, I know that I for one am a 150% different person than I was at 18. I don’t think it it is good or bad different, just that I know how to stand up for my self and take care of my self etc. That being said I don’t think my needs for a partner have changed much, just like PPs have said. I still some times feel that I am too young to be married.

Post # 15
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Hmmm, how to say this without sounding like a jerk.  4 or 5 or even 9 years together when you’re 18-21 is a lot different than when you’re 25+.  Like Miss Orchard said, life changes so much after the college years.

I know its probably not what you want to hear, but you did ask the question.  I, personally, am so thankful that I did not marry when I was younger.

Edit: “needs” and “wants” are 2 different things.  What you may need in relationship may not change, but what you want in a relationship definitely changes as you get older.

Post # 16
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

The SO and I started dating when I was 16 and he was 15. Getting married when we were 18-19 wasn’t really an option, because we both needed insurance/money/support from our parents while we went to college. But now that I’m 22 and graduating in about a month, I’m obviously ready to get married. I’m sure we could have gotten married back when we were younger and everything would have been fine. Sure, we’ve both grown up and changed, but we still love each other (probably more so, actually). 🙂 

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