24 and feel like I'll never get a boyfriend

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Yes online dating can suck but plenty of people find their one.  It can also be a big self esteem builder. Try that or meetups where you can do fun things while meeting people.

Post # 3
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I don’t think online dating is as creepy as our parents’ generation think it is. There can be creepy people everywhere in life, you just have to filter them out. That applies to meeting people at school, in bars, at the gym, online and everywhere else. If you dont find yourself in many situations where you’re meeting new people in person then maybe online dating would be fun. I think there are even apps that aren’t for meeting potential partners, but are just to meet new friends too.

Ultimately though, it has to be what you want. Don’t put pressure on your own personal timeline just because of what others around you are doing. Different people are ready for different things at different times. And people are settling down much later in life than the previous generation did, you’re still very young and there’s no rush.

I’m a big believer in being content with your own company and happy in yourself. I think that’s the basis for everything in a person’s life falling into place (relationships and otherwise).

Post # 4
Member
6232 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
plindle :  online dating is fine if you don’t waste time on the obvious losers and idiots. Talk online awhile before meeting and it’s relatively easy to tell who they are. Sometimes the right guy lives farther than you think. I also never got picked up in public and frankly these days if I was male, I wouldn’t even try. I feel sorry for my younger brothers in law that way. 

So at any rate, I turned to online dating around age 23 or so. Got one boyfriend who I dumped for being a stage-5 clinger. Found a guy 3000 miles away from home at age 25. We’re married now.  Sometimes you just need to widen the circle you’re searching in. 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

I had a loser boyfriend at 16 just to prove that I was dateable and then no proper relationship again until I was 20, in third year university. I always felt funny about it, my friends seemed to get boyfriends so easily since middle school and here I was casually dating so many guys but that never led to anything. 

Part of the problem was being interested in the wrong types (frat boys who didn’t want to commit) and the guys who would ask me out I thought were too nerdy lol. 

Anyway all that to say I know how you feel. Go ahead and try online dating, it’s not weird. I know tons of people who’ve gotten into serious relationships and married men they met online. You just have to be patient and filter through all the jerks. 

Post # 6
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I met my fiancé online and most of the men I dated post college were from online as well.  In my experience sure there are some weird or creepy guys online but there are also weird or creepy guys in bars and other places.  At least online it’s easier for us to filter for shared interests and goals and simply delete when someone sends a weird message. In some ways I think over time people have gotten worse at putting themselves out there in every day situations because they assume they can just go on tinder or a dating site.  In my single days I didn’t necessarily get hit on that much in regular life. When I think about the guys who didn’t ask me out on an online dating site it was mostly through mutual friends or at social events like a Junior League formal or singles sports league. But by and large those connections didn’t take me as far as online dating did.

 

I also think your success in meeting men not on dating sites has a lot to do with the energy you put out there. I had a lot more success when I was in situations where I was confident and coming across as warm and welcoming versus those when I might’ve seem self-conscious.  Personally I’d recommend signing up for some dating sites and then get in the process of putting yourself out there.  Often it’s just as simple as becoming comfortable initiating small talk, smiling and giving people the opening.

Post # 7
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Breckenridge, CO

View original reply
plindle :  Awwww girl. 😕 I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m a firm believer in everything happens acactly when it should and you shouldn’t rush it. Be patient and you’ll realize why it didn’t happen sooner once you meet the man of your dreams who is everything you deserve. For the record, I know a few very strong couples who met online and got married. It’s just finding that someone that wants the same things as you and weeding through the creepers. Your Prince Charming is coming. He’s waiting on you too. 

Post # 8
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Online dating is awesome!!!! Tons of people meet online now. I mean really, we do everything else online now, might as well meet someone too! 

Post # 9
Member
1452 posts
Bumble bee

Learn to be happy with yourself and stop looking so hard.  You’re a beautiful woman who should be able to validate herself without a husband.  

Post # 10
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
plindle :  I didnt get my first boyfriend until I was 22, out of college as well. In high school i was dealing with a lot of stuff at home and had very low self esteem and stayed with a very small friend circle and as a result wasnt noticed. I graduated high school early and as a result was a young college freshman at a community college where the average age was about 25. My insecurities transferred over and I always was the type to where I only wanted to date for serious reasons, not just to have fun. I went to a live in university when I was 20 and that opened me up and let go of my insecurities some what. I met friends, got involved in groups and was truly healing from my past. I also started exercising, taking care of myself, and caring more about my looks. I didnt start caking on makeup. I just learned to style my hair and apply a little mascara/ eyeshadow. still, no men really noticed me and that still hurt. Toward the end of my college career I tried online dating. I personally tried Christian Mingle. Your mom is right, there are plenty of desperate / “creepy” guys who hit 40 and realized they wanted to settle down. But I also got messages from plenty of decent men. I didnt meet most if them. In a 10 month period I met 3 men (out of plenty of decent men but I just decided the chemistry wasnt there). I had several good dates with 2 of them. One we both decided it wasnt for us, the second I decided I wasnt interested. I met the third man in the summer of 2017 after graduating college and we hit it off and will be married this summer. 

 

I told you my story because I know exactly how you feel. But there is hope. You just have to look at yourself and honestly ask if you are ready to date. You also need to be honest with yourself and see if you could be trying more in your personal care (mental and physical) because guys notice a woman who takes care of herself, not just rolls out of bed, say “woe is me” and wait for a guy to fall in her lap. And finally, it is extremely hard to meet guys once you leave college and arent surrounded by hundreds of eligible bachelors everyday. I’d strongly recommend online dating for some like yourself (shy, not a person whose good at initiating contact). Theres far more success stories than horror stories.

Post # 11
Member
892 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

View original reply
plindle :  I know you were just repeating what your Mom said, but I think it’s a bit rude to assume all men on dating sites are creepy or desperate. I met my fiance online. We live in a small area and don’t frequent the kinds of places people met men or women. Online dating was the best solution. I lived four hours away at the time and I never would have met him if it weren’t for dating websites.

Post # 12
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

At just 24 if you look “young for your age” do you mean you look like a teenager? 

A few of my friends met their now husbands through dating sites. It’s really common now. You just have to be able to pick up quickly on the men who just want sex.

I will say that in the current climate I think that men are less likely to hit on you unless they are sure you’re keen.

24 is YOUNG. I had my first long term relationship at 23 and that was common amongst my peers. Please don’t worry. Far better to be single than with someone just for the sake of it. 

Post # 13
Member
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m another who met my fiance online 🙂 I talked to a couple of guys before him who were pretty creepy/wanted nothing but sex but I just ended up blocking them and not talking to them anymore. My fiance was the first guy from the dating site I actually went on a date on and, well… here we are! 

I was 22 when he and I started dating and he was my first (and now only!) boyfriend. I 100% understand and used to feel just as discouraged as you do. But it’ll happen for you someday <3

Post # 14
Member
316 posts
Helper bee

I met my SO online too and I’m sure we will spend the rest of our lives together. It’s a lot easier to meet people online, and fairly easy to weed through the bad apples. I think the older generation has some misconceptions about online dating. Literally every single person I know does it/did it nowadays. 

I’ve had a lot of success online and met tons of great guys and very few creeps. I never used to get approached much in person because I was more reserved. Now that I’m in a relationship, ironically I get hit on ALL the time, go figure lol. 

I would give it a shot. Worst case it ends up being a fail, but what is there to lose? 

Post # 15
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sometimes you have to take that fear of rejection out the door and say its part of life. some men are too afriad to talk to girls as they are also afraid of rejection. a simple hello can start a good conversation. being honest is the best policy. just got to get out there and be a bit friendly. trying a lil bit.

hi how are you?

– fine good thanks and you?

im fine, im a bit shy so it took a lot to come over and say hi. 

idk but ide be honest.

good luck bee

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