(Closed) 2.5 months since I saw him. He doesn't feel real :(

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know exactly how you feel because being in a relationship typically consist of him/her being present. So the texting, skype, IM, and occasional phone call makes you feel that it is not real because he/she isnt present.

It is a different relationship it will either make the bond you have stronger or it will cause it to end. I think it is important to cherish the time you do have with one another and know that there is a end date. It is lonely and can be very isolating at time but the feelings you have for each other should make you feel that it is real.

My Fiance is in Afghainstan and I dont have a lot of communication with him but I know he loves me and if he could he would communicate more with me. It is hard sometimes because of the fact that I send him emails and he doesnt respond so I feel like I am sending emails into a blackhole. I hold on to what we have said to each other when we do communicate.

The feelings you are experience are quite normal but it is important to relay on what he has told you and your feelings for him even when he is half way around the world. Try to remember he love you and the absence is only temporary.

BIG HUG

Post # 4
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband and I were in a LDR before I moved in with him. It’s normal. It’s like, if you never petted a cat, or never had lasagna in a really long time. Your brain isn’t bombarded with that stimulation (His warmth, his smell, all that sort of stuff) and so it deems it irrelevent. It’s like when you hug a grandmother or an aunt or uncle that you haven’t seen in a while. You remember how boney their fingers were or how their tuberose perfume smells.

It isn’t that he isn’t important to you, it’s more a sciency thing. Your brain doesn’t get that information often, and so t doesn’t keep it around long enough for you to recall.

My husband deploys often. I am lucky in that he isn’t gone very long, but in the time he is gone, I forget his smell, or I forget how his fingers feel in the small of my back or the way his kisses feel.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re not intentionally weeding this stuff out.

You’ll see him soon and you’ll have that magic all over again.

Post # 5
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think what you’re feeling is rather normal. My Fiance is in England, and I live in the US, so we’re 5,000 miles apart. We only see each other every 4 or 5 months.

For the first month of distance, it is excruciating because I can remember being with him so vividly. It feels like he’ll walk through the door any minute. After that first month, it all begins to wane and he does feel a bit “unreal” as you say. It becomes more difficult to remember what it was like to hang out with him in person.

Yet, I will say that all that goes away quickly once we’re together again. We may have an awkward 10 minutes of not knowing how to be around each other physically (granted, we have spent far more time apart than together), but very quickly we’ll sink right into things and it’s like we’ve never left.

So in 13 days, you’ll get to have that! You’ll hold his hand, and it will be like you never left. Just look forward to that and know you’re not unusual in any way.

Post # 6
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I totally understand. My Fiance & I got together in August 2012 the day before I left for college 500 miles away. I don’t have a car or the money to drive all the way there regularly, but I’ve been really lucky in that I was able to go down twice before thanksgiving, for thanksgiving, and for winter break, then again for spring break, and now for Easter.

You’re not weird, when you see him again it’ll all be the same, I promise. ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck.

Post # 7
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Fiance and I are currently in an LDR (Canada and the US) it’s normal. Fiance and I have been together for almost 2 years and even though I do get to see him once a month (we are lucky this month, twice!) I still spend much of the month feeling like he “isn’t real” but it makes our time so much better because we are forced to make the best of the little time we have together. 

Hang in there and enjoy that time in Paris together! Lucky ducks! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I was in an LDR back when, and he felt unreal after a month!

Fiance was on catastrophe dute after Sandy (he works in mid-level management in insurance), and was gone for 24 days. When he finally came home, I literally felt like I was looking at a stranger for like 10 minutes!

Post # 9
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@memleyxx:  Oh. My. Gosh. I have your exact same situation! Well, almost. We’ve been dating since last March, and we are now long distance – he in Texas, me in MD – since August!

I know EXACTLY what you are saying, right at the two month mark he starts to feel like a hologram or something! Seeing him in person is so weird – it takes a couple days for both of us to get used to it. We are also planning on getting engaged this summer (well at the end of it), but he has another year of grad school on top of this one. It is going to feel so weird planning a wedding with someone who I forget isn’t just a computer screen sometimes.

Post # 11
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@memleyxx:  Haha, HI! OK, first off, going to Paris to meet is beyond awesome! How romantic! You will have an absolute blast.

I’m 23 (24 in July), he just turned 24. I’m in my final semester of undergrad (took a year off to work in Japan 2009-2010, then switched majors like 5000 times so I’m a little late on graduating haha), and job hunting, wanting to do something with the federal government (preferably related to stopping human trafficking).

We met at college – we both went to the same Christian group on campus, and a friend of mine and me would run a dinner club with that at the house he was a tennant of. He is actually hilariously quiet – I didn’t even notice him or know his name for months because he never spoke! After he graduated in the winter, he was working in the area so he would come to the Christian group’s large meeting, and dinner club still, and that is when we finally started talking (probably the first time I’d seen him carry on a full conversation with anyone!), and he asked me out a few weeks after. The rest is history! We had an amazing spring and summer of early relationship flutters, and then off he went. ๐Ÿ™‚

Now he’s in grad school down in Texas doing pretroleum engineering of all things!

Haha, that was probably more of a novel than you were looking for. But what about you?!

Post # 12
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Its been 6 months since ive seen mine :/. His immigration paperwork is almost done. I can 

. Not. Wait. 

Post # 13
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m at 2.5 months too. It’s funny though – I’ve actually noticed the same thing about the 2 month mark. I am terribly sad for the first few days after he leaves, then I’m great up until the 2 month mark. After that, it seems like it’s hard to get up in the morning. Last time we were apart for 5 months, and I remember when we actually saw each other it seemed so odd kissing. Not odd as in uncomfortable, but odd as in “wow, I forgot I haven’t used my lips for 5 months”. Ha ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
359 posts
Helper bee

oh my goodness! I know this thread is from 2 years ago, but I feel so much better reading all your posts!

 

My guy has been gone for a little over a month for military training, (longest we’ve been apart yet) and he is coming back for the holidays..

And I started noticing I feel kinda nervous to see him again haha! like giddy and just wonder if it will be awkward or weird.. I am so used to my routine at the moment now..

So it will definitely be odd touching him again, and kissing! and just having him there!! ahh! haha but I am looking forward to it.. I just go from excited.. to nervous.. back to excited hahaha 6 more days!!!

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