(Closed) 25% of my guests didn’t bring a gift and/or card

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@nebulously:  I hear ya. That’s pretty frustrating. While you chose to spend $300/plate, and while your guests may or may not know that, that shouldn’t be much of a factor. And it is true, a guest is not obligated to give a gift or card. However, I feel it’s about acknowledging the couple, the day, to know that a guest cared enough to write a few words out of respect for you two, for posterity, or cared to enough to say here’s something off your registry to make life a little easier and brighter. That’s how I see it. I wouldn’t ever show up without at least a card.

Post # 18
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

One more thing, OP. I would perhaps reconsider my friendship with these people. I know people are going to disagree with me on this one, but such a total lack of generosity and consideration is just not cool. I get that not everyone is in a financial position to give $200, but, really, there is no excuse for showing up to a wedding emptyhanded. Unless there are some serious extenuating circumstances (they are going through a bankruptcy, etc.) then I think you may need to re-think some relationships. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. I’m just really upset for you

Post # 19
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

wow it seems like a lot of people get married for the gifts

Post # 20
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@Katnisseverdeen:  In my case and the case of many other bees, getting married for the gifts would be the worst financial decision ever. My guess is that very, very few people every see a financial return or gain of any sort on their wedding and that is not why people throw weddings. However, it is very rude to show up to a wedding empty handed, without even a card. I personally think it is also rude to insinuate that a bride who is upset because 25% of her guests didn’t so much as bother to get her a card was “getting married for the gifts.”

Post # 21
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can’t believe people don’t even give a card! I mean, $300 a plate is quite extravagant (I wish I was at your wedding 😉 ) and of course everyone cannot afford a gift of that magnitude these days, but I would be shocked to not receive a little something… I mean even $25 bucks would be a gift; but at the very least just a card with a well wish.  I would be hurt if someone didn’t buy a 2$ card & they decided to attend my wedding, because let’s face it, weddings are expensive.  I know I can barely afford to invite all my & my FH’s family & our close friends at this point, so for them to not leave even a card would be crap.    End rant.

Post # 22
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s BS when people day they don’t have money for even a card. It’s a wedding, bring a gift or if you don’t have money, bring a card. It doesn’t cost you anything to jot down several nice words on a piece of paper or send an email, it’s free. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for this bride to be upset that 25% of her guests didn’t bring anything.

 

Post # 23
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Reconsider friendships over wedding gifts and cards? Take a step back, people! 

Post # 24
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@Katnisseverdeen:  Or maybe a lot of people attend weddings for the free food 😉

Post # 25
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@Ms.Sugarsnap:  YES! I think you’re on to something here!

Post # 26
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@sherryberry:  I agree!

 

OP, It is OK to be upset about their gestures ( or lack thereof)… but don’t let this bring you down, especially so fresh off of your wedding! Just make a mental note to never be the guest who doesn’t bring  a card and move on to being a fabulously in love newlywed! Congrats, by the way!

Post # 27
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d just thank them for coming. If you get something later you can send a thank you email or call them. I know it’s etiquette to thank people for their gifts with cards, but if they are late to the boat oh well.

 

Also, sorry your guests are inconsiderate. 

Post # 28
Member
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t blame you for being upset. Although gifts are nice, what would really hurt my feelings would be not even receiving a card. That is just such poor etiquette. I haven’t had my wedding yet so I’m no help in the thank you card department.

Post # 29
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

You can and should expect a gift from every guest.  Etiquette dictates that every person invited (note, not attending) gives a gift equivilent in value to what they eetimate it costs the hosts to host them.  Now, obviously not everyone will or can do that, but to not even bring a card is simply unacceptable.  I’d be pissed.  Send your trank you cards as soon as they are done (and do them as soon as possible) to all the people who did already give gifts and wait for the rest; send when a gift comes.

EDIT: you should wait a few months to a year before really being pissed about it; they do get a year to send gifts; likewise, you get a year to thank them, but it’s easy to forget about the thank yous if you wait that long.

Post # 30
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Some people just can’t afford it or are unaware of etiquette.  Yes it is simple and cheap to buy a card I am sure these friends did not do this with the purpose of hurting you.  I think you should move on and think of all the wonderful memories and things you enjoyed about the day. Be happy they were there to share in your special day the greatest gift of all is friendship.

Post # 31
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Some people are just…like that. It sucks, but it’s just something we have to deal with. I don’t understand it either. But it’s just how it happens sometimes. Would I ever do it, even if I was broke as hell? Nope. I’d still find $20 to get a card and maybe buy the cheaper items on the registry and put them in something nice.

I really think we have to take a step back though. Part of me thinks that having a registry is what makes us more or less “expect” the gifts – we have so much fun envisioning what we can do with our kitchen aid mixer that we just begin to assume we’ll get it. Or at least hope for it very very much. 😉

I do think the economy is a poor excuse, in such cases, because a card costs less than the gas these people spent to get to the wedding, regardless of location.

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