(Closed) 25% of my guests didn’t bring a gift and/or card

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 32
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@sherryberry:  Agreed.

Should people at least give you a card? Etiquette says yes, I would say yes. But some people just don’t. I wouldn’t reconsider my friendships with people just because they forgot to run to the store to grab a generic card.

Send your thank yous to people who gave gifts and don’t send one to people who didn’t give you anything. If you get a card/gift from someone in another week, or another month or 3 months, send a thank you card at that time.

ETA: And I think even cards can be expensive for people who are really tight on money, sometimes I literally don’t have enough cash in my account to buy lunch- much less spend a few bucks on a card. Some people are worse off than you probably realize.

Post # 33
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Sent from my Android

Sent from my Android

Post # 34
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

25% of people not bringing gifts is a good turn out.  50% of my guests didnt bring gifts. 

Post # 35
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Being upset over the lack of a card/well wish is understandable. I’d be upset too.

But being upset over not getting a gift isn’t cool. The way I see it, not everyone can afford a gift, but everyone can afford a 99 cent card and a 45 cent stamp.

Guaranteed that not one person thought “wow, this seems like she spent 300 bucks on me. I better get her a nice gift.” No one thinks that way.

Post # 36
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I’m at a point now where I’ll be honored if people give up time to spend the day with us. A card or gift would be nice, but not expected.

By The Way, there ave been times when I’ve mailed a gift from the registry and not brought a card. My bad!

Post # 37
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

As for the comments that the economy is rough and times are hard:

The whole point behind wedding gifts and shower gifts and all that is that a community can share the expense of helping its children start their own lives.  If that entire burden in tough times fell on just the bride’s and/or groom’s parents, the happy couple would not be able to start a new home together.  Instead, we give a bit here and there to others and generally get it back at other times.  That kind of reciprocity makes things possible at times like this.  No one says that every gift has to be new and expensive.  Heck, these guests could’ve made you a card or given you some homemade jams or a collection of treasured family recipes, etc.

Post # 38
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Thinking about it some more, why fixate on the minority that didn’t meet you expectations when 75% of your guests DID get you gifts?

Post # 39
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I used to work at Crate & Barrel, and yes, some people would wait up to a year to buy wedding gifts. Since you were married just a week ago, I’d assume you were on your honeymoon- friends could be planning to bring gifts to you later- for one of my BF’s weddings, the bridesmaids chipped in for her $500 cookware set, which I delivered to her a few weeks later (was not going to bring it to the wedding- too heavy/bulky and too expensive to ship.) I’d say go ahead and send the thank yous for attending, and see what happens.

Post # 40
Member
23 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@mink:  “Thinking about it some more, why fixate on the minority that didn’t meet you expectations and get upset when 75% of your guests DID get you gifts?”

I agree – and I have to ask – for that 75% that did get you a gift were you very grateful and genuinely thankful for gifts?  If you were then that means you should at least be neutral to those that didn’t give you a gift.  You can’t be gracious to gift givers and simultanously resent those that didn’t give you a gift.  

Did you get shower gifts from these people?

Post # 41
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Who cares? This is not worth thinking about. You may get some more gifts trickling in over the next few months (we are still getting some over 1 year later — just got one a couple weeks ago), and then again you may not. Be happy that folks showed up to celebrate your day with you. 

Post # 42
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@sherryberry:  Sorry. I should have been more clear in my statement. Would I defriend someone for not bringing a card or gift to my wedding? No. but it would make me examine the friendship and see if it was a pattern of behavoir. Were they an otherwise great friend who just happened to not bring a card or gift? Ok. let it slide.Like others have said, maybe they are not aware of etiquette or they have fallen on hard times. Or are they someone who frequently takes without giving? Is the fact that they didn’t bother to bring a card part of a larger pattern of behavoir? If it is, then I would re-evaluate the friendship to see if it was worth my time. That’s just my two cents and, for the record, I am not someone who breaks off friendships easily or lightly. And, no, it isn’t just about money/gifts for me.

Post # 45
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@nebulously:  “This is me being super cynical, though.” Yes. It is. They attended your wedding in order to celebrate your marriage with you. The amount you spent on their plates, and their personal financial situations, are irrelevant; a wedding is not a transaction.

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