(Closed) 25% of my guests didn’t bring a gift and/or card

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 47
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Wow. I’m apalled by the “gimme” attitude of so many people here. Gifts and cards = not necessary, and your friends DID acknowledge you by taking an entire day out of their lives to come celebrate with you. I’m actually rather mortified that my friends/family will potentially give us gifts after spending money to travel to our wedding and stay in a hotel to be there on the day. I plan to send everyone a warm, sincere thank you note whether they give me a $250 crystal duck or just show up and tell me how happy they are for our marriage!

Post # 48
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s a pretty simple concept. Weddings always have been and always will be, gift giving events. Period. There’s nothing entitled about it, and it’s been going on for hundreds of years.

Sorry this happened to you, OP. Every time I hear about this happening to yet another bride, it makes me wonder what’s wrong with people.

Post # 49
275 posts
Helper bee

Being dissapointed you didn’t get a card with sentimental thoughts in it on your wedding day is in no way displaying a “gimme attitude.” Not bringing something is rude. Anyway you look at it, it’s rude.

Post # 50
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

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@ItWasntMe:  I actually agree with you – we’ve all been raised watching the movies like Father of The Bride where the couple gets wedding presents.  And we all spend so long planning our wedding that it HURTS if someone doesn’t even write a card. 

I think that the OP should NOT send a card to the people who didn’t give gifts.  It can look like you’re fishing for a gift, I think.  Your thank you to them for coming was the meal and booze you already provided them. 


Post # 51
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i dont understand why people are surprised their guest are not polite enough to give a card at the very least

we are constantly being told how people have a sense of self entitlement these days and how they are only interested in instant gratification.  its hard to expect the etiquette clock to be wind back when you cant even get people to turn off their phones and behave with common sense  

Post # 52
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@nebulously:  HOLY COW! That is shocking behavior on her part!

Post # 53
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it’s interesting to see that the people on this thread that are giving you a hard time about feeling this way are ones that haven’t had their weddings yet.  Not harping on you girls, because i felt the same way as you before I got married.  Once you go through the motions and the last couple weeks of hard work going into making this a perfect day for family and friends (and of course yourself), it’s a lot more hurtful to receive nothing at the end of the day.  

I didn’t send anything to people who didn’t send gifts.  I actually believe that sending “thank you” notes to people who didn’t give gifts and just saying “thanks for coming” might not sound  too genuine, or sort of like a guilt trip. They know I am thankful they were there, that’s why I invited them and spent that much money for them to have a great time on my special day. (I would personally feel this way, maybe others wouldn’t).  

Post # 57
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would wait. I got a lot of gifts in the month after my wedding. The last gift I received was 2 months out from my wedding, but I still have one friend that hasn’t given me her gift (she keeps forgetting it and we keep missing each other).

Post # 58
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

View original reply
@MissCalifornia:  Unless I’m reading into it wrong, I think more than anything the OP is offended and disappointed that it was primarily her friends who did not give gifts or cards.  I, too, would be saddened to think that some of my closests friends–all of whom have recieved gifts and handwritten cards (although in two cases, after the wedding due to being sick and then a death in the family before the weddings) from me–didn’t leave at least a personalized token of congratulations that we could keep forever.  Fiance and I have been living together for three years…we have plenty of housewares, kitchen stuff, and decor…at this point are registries are for upgrading purposes…it won’t make or break us if we don’t get certain things.  But if my own friends didn’t leave a card, I would be upset too.  I don’t think it’s a gimmie attitude, when the OP had expected more sentimentality from her friends.

Post # 59
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

Some people are not taught proper etiquette. And people just don’t send mail either! It’s all technology and Miss Manners is not in many people’s lives anymore… Send thank you cards to all who “remembered” and forget the rest. Don’t stress out over something like that, you can’t change it! It would have beeen nice to get at least a CARD, I agree, they only cost a $1 at the dollar store….

Post # 60
368 posts
Helper bee

I know when I went to my cousin’s wedding I couldn’t afford a gift I was laid off from my job, and Fiance was unemployed. I did bring a card though. I think it’s pretty common for people to not bring gifts. Some people don’t bring wedding gifts because they count the gift they gave you at your bridal shower. I would not be offended by it, and see what happens in the next few weeks as well.

Post # 61
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I hope I can get my point accross without offending anyone. 

Why would anyone be offended by not getting a card from a guest who attended.  If I were truly only interested in someone acknowledging the occasion (and not just looking for money to fall out of it), wouldn’t the fact that they showed up and celebrated with you be enough? And how can not giving a one dollar card negate all the effort/thought put into attending?

To me, if someone I invited couldn’t attend, then the whole “at least send a card” scenerio would apply.   

But then again, I am notorious for not giving cards because I have seen first hand how disappointed or even cruel people can be when it’s not accompanied with some form of money.

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