28 and Broken

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2489 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so sorry, bee. This is rough. All I can say is, if he’d break up with you out of the blue after 2.5 years because you have a different cultural background than him, well, then it is his loss and he is not the right guy for you.

Frankly, I’m skeptical whether that is the real reason — it seems more likely that he freaked out about how serious your relationship had become and looked for a reason to break up. Surely if not being Greek were a dealbreaker he could have told you that earlier rather than leading you on for years while discussing the names of your future children.

But if he really did break up with you just because you’re not Greek and he doesn’t want “mixed babies” (wtf) — despite his Greek family loving you and encouraging him to be with you no less! — then he is being extremely small-minded and I’m not sure you should want to get back with him. I also notice that you were learning Greek because his culture was important to him (great!) but I don’t see anything about him learning Spanish. This sounds like an unhealthy imbalance. Why is his culture more important than yours? 

In any event, you are in the early stages of the breakup and I know this part really sucks. I remember that feeling of not being able to eat or sleep. It is truly awful. But you WILL get through this and come out stronger on the other side. And you WILL find another, better guy for you out there who will love you and celebrate you and your cultural heritage. You’re still young and have plenty of time. 

Hugs, bee. 

Post # 3
Member
9733 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hate to break it to you, but he’s kind of a gigantic dick no matter how amazeballz you think he is for dumping you for not being Greek. That’s shitty, really shitty. 

You deserve someone who loves you for everything you are, this guy thinks you’re less than. I say this as someone in a mixed race/culture marriage. 

Post # 4
Member
2489 posts
Buzzing bee

slomotion :  +1000. 

As a “mixed baby” myself I find the implication that having mixed children is a negative to be pretty insulting. Genetic diversity is actually a good thing. 

Post # 5
Member
8820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

dreamer1 :  He dumped you so you wouldn’t taint his bloodline. That’s not “magical”, it’s nauseating. I would be less sad about him leaving, and more disgusted that I shared myself with this pig. Seriously, think about this. His loathing of “mixed babies” is greater than his love for you. Now that you know this about him, how does he not make you sick? Good riddance. If there’s any regret here, it should be that you wasted any time on him at all, not that the time is now over.

Post # 6
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

Look at Meghan Markle. Married at 30 to Trevor Engleson, after dating 7 years. Divorced 2 years later. Met her real life prince and married at 36. I am sure they will have children.

It sucks right now. It will get better.

Post # 7
Member
5413 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

He can’t be that amazing if he dumped you after 2.5 years for not being Greek. Not wanting to dilute his Greek fabulous blood with you? Gross

Post # 8
Member
10590 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

browneyedgirl24 :  

This is absolutely true, from a scientific perspective.  

Post # 9
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I’m full Cypriot on both sides (from Cyprus, the small island right next to Greece). My family happened to marry other Cypriots or Greeks because of their social circles and that’s just how some people meet and click, but it’s not an expectation in my family to KEEP THE GREEK/CYPRIOT BLOOD ALIVE (that’s quite the Harry Potter full-blood vs half-blood vs muggle-born mentality). My ex was half Vietnamese, half Swedish. My current SO is half Philippino, half Hungarian. It is not at all important for me to marry and have children with someone who is the same ethnicity as me. I can still keep my culture alive through my family and how my SO and I choose to raise our children (if/when that time comes). What’s important to me is shared values and ethics, beliefs and respect, loyalty and committment, love and support.

However, that’s all me, my preferences, and my priorities. Some people choose to prioritize their culture, and it’s okay to do that if you’re being upfront about it to your partner(s). It sounds like your ex caught you off-guard with this preference to have a Greek partner. What was the point of your relationship for 2.5 years? I’m concerned this is an excuse for a reason he feels more ashamed to admit (though this reason doesn’t exactly put him in a great light). If your relationship was as amazing as you say, I’m wondering if he was hiding this or something else from you.

Regardless of his reasoning or intent, I do hope you find peace and can gain more self-love and confidence in yourself. Please don’t wait around for him, hoping that he’ll change his mind or have an epiphany and come running back to you. In my opinion, there is a better partner out there for you. One who communicates with you about his wants, one whose values and priorities align with yours, one who plans their future with you, doesn’t lead you on, voices their concerns (it’s actually okay to have disagreements and arguments at times as long as the communication is healthy), brings you light and makes you feel loved instead of inferior. Remember how you feel now. I get that you love him still, it’s completely understandable, but also realize that he did you wrong. If he had been upfront from the get-go, things would have turned out differently.

Post # 10
Member
3940 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry, not buying it. He’s so full of shit honey. There’s someone else he has his eye on. That’s why you got dumped, I guarantee it. Remember that when you’re thinking how wonderful it all was.

Post # 11
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee

He’s either a total dick, or is lying to you and there’s someone else. Either way, you deserve better. I’m so sorry. 

Post # 12
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

time heals all wounds. when you have had time to reflect, Im sure that things will pop up that you will go, ‘and actually that didnt really work too well either’. and there will be other take aways. 

As Kelly Clarkson says, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. The human condition is pain with short bursts of happiness thrown in there! 

Good luck Bee, we ALL recover. There are many many Bees on here who have been through similar situations and if you read their stories many of them are happily engaged or married to the PERSON they love. And they reflect upon how horrible their ex was and how much better their current state is. 

 

Post # 13
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

His cultural eugenics are borderline disgusting. Sit him down in front of My Big Fat Greek Wedding and also know that the love of your life WON’T break up with you. Remind yourself of that.

Post # 14
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m so sorry, OP. His reason for breaking off the relationship is complete horseshit. How can he guarantee his pure-bred Greek babies won’t procreate with non-Greek partners and forever tarnish the bloodline? So stupid (I’m mixed-race so I might be reacting a bit sensitively to this). Plus, he knew you weren’t Greek when he decided to date you, so he’s a turd for not being honest up front and wasting your time. Amazing men don’t do things like that.

My marriage fell apart when I was 28. I spent all of my 20s with him and was almost 30 when our divorce was finalized. I thought I was damaged goods, that I had wasted the best years of my life, and that no one would want a 29 year old divorcee. I was wrong.

Take time to take care of yourself and try to realize that at the end of the day, he did you a favor. You deserve better than someone who will throw 2.5 years of your life away over something so callous and trivial (and offensive).

Post # 15
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

I am sorry… I have been in your situation, first time moving in and thought he is love of my life, making plans until one day it was over.. All I know is that time heals, it while it may not sound like it right now, you will feel better. I was devastated as well by breakup, could barely exist for almost 2 months. But then things got better and they WILL get better for you. Something better is WAITING  for you, this person just was not the right one for you. 

I remember I was dating a jewish guy back in colledge and at some point he told me he cannot marry me because I am only half jewish (my mom is not jewish) and that he feels bad for me. For some jewish families it is a big deal and turned out his grandma was against it. We dated almost 4 years and while I was not ready for marriage at that time, I was upset and offended. Now I think that he was a jerk and mama’s boy and that God we went different ways. 

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