28 and Broken

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

Wow, what a jerk! Be strong. Get support from your family. You can get through this. He is scum!! Just keep telling yourself that and you’ll find a much better man someday. 

Post # 18
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Regardless of whether you believe that his viewpoint is right or wrong (I personally find it horrendous), he DECEIVED you for 2 1/2 years. If he knew this was what he wanted, he never should have strung you along for so long. You need to realize that he isn’t the amazing Prince Charming you thought he was. That’s the only way you will move on from this.

As for happy endings after heartbreak… I don’t have one personally, but I’ll share my sister’s story.

My sister got engaged to the “perfect” man when she was 28, married him when she was 29. Everyone thought he was an amazing guy. He was serious with her from the start, did everything right, promised her a beautiful life and children. After getting married, she began to realize that he was hiding his true self. He turned out to be a narcissist, and I don’t use that word lightly. I won’t get into it, but every wonderful part of him turned out to be a well hidden lie, and he was a very bad guy in the end. Her divorce was finalized by the time she was 31. She reconnected with an old friend soon after, and they fell in love. She’s now engaged to him at 33, happier than she ever was with the guy she thought was her “happily ever after.”

Post # 19
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

SUPER long story short: My mom and dad were together for more than 35 years. I thought they were the perfect couple. My dad checked out of the relationship emotionally and we found out he had an affair (his demeanor gradually changed and he was like a different person). After deciding that he wanted a divorce instead of a separation, my parents divorced in October 2014. My mom barely survived it (but “nevertheless, she persisted”).

My mom met a great guy in April 2015, they were engaged in August 2015, and got married in March 2016 (17 months after the divorce). My dad had been my mom’s WORLD. She lost all hope after everything went down (the long story part that isn’t relevant to this post so I’ll save it), but life and love goes on. They met and clicked on the first date and that was that. Now that all the mess and hurt is (for the most part) in the past, it’s clear to me that my mom and stepdad are SO MUCH more compatible together than my parents were. And she’s so happy knowing that love was still out there for her, and that someone could love her in the way that she needed.

Now I can see that my mom and dad’s relationship wasn’t all that great behind the scenes (at least for a few years before the divorce), and I’m more informed from my own personal experience as well (was with my ex-fiance for 8 years and when we ended things, I met my current fiance two weeks later and it was ridiculous how quickly I felt something for him—now it’s 4+ years later and I feel so much more woke). Compatibility is a thing, and if you feel it, TRULY feel it, you’ll know. And it’ll feel different from other relationships that lacked it. There’s a whole world of experiences and people out there <3

Post # 20
Member
749 posts
Busy bee

dreamer1 :  

“…he told me that he couldn’t marry and have kids with me because I’m not Greek. He doesn’t want mixed babies. He wants to keep the Greek line and culture going.”

This is disgusting. 

“He doesn’t think his culture is better or that mixed babies are “disgusting” it’s purely him wanting to keep the race going.”

This idea of “keep the race going” is what we are referring to. That is what is disgusting about him. You dodged a bullet here. You can’t possibly think that that is okay or normal. It’s not. It’s atrocious.

 

I think almost everyone has a heartbreak story. I thought my first big love was going to be The One and was so devastated after we broke up that I didn’t think that my life could go on (yes it sounds dramatic and it was, but that’s how I felt). Things got better with time, but it wasn’t until I met my husband that I realized how wrong my ex and I were for each other.

Thank goodness I parted ways with my ex because I realized that he was kind of a jerk. Less of a jerk than this ex of yours, but still kind of a jerk. Trust me, you don’t deserve to be with a jerk. And you don’t want to be with a jerk. There are so many men out there and you are only 28/29. You have plenty of time to find a man who will love you, cherish you, and want to have a family with you! 

 

If you’re looking for more stories of love after heartbreak, you  might want to read at these threads:

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/love-after-heartbreak-success-stories/

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/finding-love-again-after-heartbreak-helpful-stories-please/

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/success-stories-after-heartbreak/

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/share-your-love-happy-stories-after-experiencing-devastating-heartbreak/

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/any-stories-of-love-after-heartbreak/

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/stories-of-finding-love-after-heartbreak/

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/any-success-stories-about-being-happy-again-after-brutal-heartbreak/

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/finding-love-again-when-you-thought-youd-already-found-the-one/

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/starting-over-in-late-20s/

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/6ienc6/women_who_went_through_heartbreak_in_your_late/

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/8y0tx1/love_after_heartbreak_success_stories/

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/6e9oua/love_after_heartbreak_a_story_i_found/

 

Post # 21
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

dreamer1 :  I’m so sorry this happened to you bee. That’s messed up that he broke up with you for that reason. Usually it is family pressure but if his family likes you this is absurd and absolutely hurtful. I haven’t read all the rresponses here yet but I don’t know that I’d want to be with someone who doesn’t think my race or ethnicity isn’t good enough to have children with solely based on that (and I am mixed already). I can’t offer anything else but sympathy because most of us if not all of us have had our heart broken and we all recovered so I know you will too. 

Post # 22
Member
749 posts
Busy bee

His reason is bullshit, especially since his own parents don’t seem to give a crap. Also, none of us are really are pure. I consider myself Chinese American but really if you take a look at my DNA, I’m part Japanese (from my grandma) and Nepalese (further back.) My Fiance is Scottish American with some German heritage, or so he thought. His DNA test revealed no German heritage at all. Turns out his ancestors had migrated there from other European countries. The world is a large and beautiful place full of many cultures and races- all of which BEAUTIFUL!! And I cannot wait to explain to my child HOW BLESSED AND LUCKY she/ he is to have been the product of love bringing people from different backgrounds, languages, and lands together. 

If he can’t understand that, you’re better off without him. He was only the first guy you moved in with, a lot of people have done much more. I lived with a guy for two years and found out he had been cheating on me in our shared home. And I thought my life was over. And then it wasn’t. And I had fun dating not so seriously until I met the now love of my life. I did it, no reason you won’t be able to pull through too. Take it one day at a time. 

Post # 23
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee

He sounds like a super douche.  That’s the most absurd reason I’ve ever heard to break up with someone.  If he really loved you, he would want to make babies with you regardless of your “race”.  Since both of you are of European descent, this rationale is even more ridiculous!  Greek is not a race, nor is Spanish.  I’m so sorry he flipped the script on you like that.  He’s a loser…a fucking dumb one.

Post # 24
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

dreamer1 :  I’m sorry this is happened to you but honestly he is a dick.  At 28 I was in a 2 year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life.  He broke up with me and I was absolutely heartbroken.  6 months after we broke up I met an incredible man who I truly believe I am meant to spend the rest of my life with.  We had a beautiful wedding and now have 3 amazing kids and own a small business together.  3 months after meeting my now husband my ex called begging to get back together, I turned him down and never looked back.  The right person is out there for you!

Post # 25
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry that things didn’t work out for you this time, bee but have hope. 

If it makes you feel any better at all, and I know it probably won’t right now, I’ve found that every heartbreak, douche bag, liar and just all around bad guy were simply stepping stones to the love of my life. It’s most definitely hard to hear now but every deceitful guy you encounter in your life is there to help you appreciate the good guy who so often gets overlooked. The guy who will be there no matter what. It’s unbelievable now but, in my experience, once you’ve met the one who is going to treat you the way you’re supposed to be treated and love you like no one else could ever dream of, you’ll look back on those “magical” moments of this relationship and how well you thought you clicked and realize that you didn’t know what magic really was. 

It’s irritating and you feel like no one understands but I’m telling you: If this guy can let a truly magical, once in a lifetime relationship that you feel you’ve had go because of “mixed babies” (which is truly terrifying on so many levels) then he doesn’t deserve you. You WILL find someone who thinks you’re just as magical as you think they are!!

Now for what you asked for; a happy story. 

I’ve never really had what I would call a relationship. My highschool “boyfriend” and I were on and off for three years but as far as my adult relationship experience goes, it had been limited to three months of dating the same guy and I gotta say, even I sound lame to myself. 

A ‘friend’ from work tried to set me up with a friend of her husband (we all worked together). We talked and hung out for a while and things seemed promising; we seemed to really be connecting and I was hopeful. Then all of a sudden he ran back to his highschool girlfriend. In the end, my ‘friend’ took his side, while her husband took mine, and I was left feeling as though there was something wrong with me. I was 25 and had never had a serious relationship and couldn’t even seem to keep someone interested for more than a few months. I couldn’t wrap my head around it! From everything I’d heard about her, from him and our friends, she was immature and needy and demanding and I was the complete opposite. A much better fit in seemingly everyone’s opinion. 

I got over it quick enough, in fact I probably knew the entire time it wouldn’t work out, but it didn’t stop me from questioning myself.

Well a few months go by and I’ve returned to my regular routine and I hardly ever think about what I now consider to be just a huge mistake on my part. I’ve gone back to my previous way of thinking, that I’ll just never find anyone and who cares anyway? Relationships are too much trouble…

And then one day the insanely cute guy, the only guy I can honestly say I’ve ever ‘checked out’ in my adult life, that runs the machine across from mine, who I’ve been smiling politely at when we make eye contact in the meeting before work starts smiling back. And then he starts saying hi. And then he’s super sweet and helps me clean up a coolant leak on my machine that everyone else just walked by and decided not to tell me about. And then he offers to come in on the weekend when everyone else is off to help me run my machine when my help is on vacation. 

And then one day he asked me for my number. 

He confessed that he’d liked me for a while but he was scared to say anything because we worked together and he’d had some bad experiences with that. We spoke frequently and began to hang out after work, all the while keeping our correspondences a secret at work. He shared an apartment with his mom in a roommate situation not far from work and we would hang out in the parking lot of their building, talking in the bed of our trucks for hours after work. But it was January and we worked second shift so it was cold at midnight/one in the morning so that didn’t last long.

After the third night of freezing our assess off outside, I invited him over to my place, as I lived by myself, for a movie and a Digiorno and he never left. He’d go back to his apartment for clothes and a shower and then he’d come home with me. He officially moved in eleven months later and that’s that. 

We’d both been hurt by people who led us on or told us they wanted what we wanted but really didn’t and so honesty was huge for both of us when we got together. Marriage and the long haul were important as well! I had never thought to find someone to spend my life with and now I can’t imagine my life without him. He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met AND he puts up with me. 

It will get better bee! You don’t even have to look on the bright side if you don’t want to just know it will get better!!

Post # 26
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

” Pure bloodline” (shudder). The atrocities that have been committed throughout history with this as an excuse… 

You will find someone who loves you for who you are in your heart and mind and not your genetic background.

Post # 27
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Omg, I had an ex when I was younger who did something similar — we had been together for almost a year and a half when suddenly something he had known about me since the beginning turned out to be a dealbreaker. Your boyfriend knew that you weren’t Greek since the beginning, and suddenly that’s an issue NOW?! Wtf, why do people waste others’ time like that?!

(Coincidentally, I am half-Greek and half-German; all my grandparents are immigrants to the US, and my parents were each the first generation to be born here. Neither side was initially happy about my parents’ relationship because the heritage would be “broken,” but eventually they all realized that they now live in a diverse country where there are high odds of meeting someone you click with who happens to be of a different background, and they all got over it. I don’t see why it has to be the big deal he’s making it..)

But anyway, I found myself in a similar position as you a couple years ago — not with the ex I mentioned above, but a more recent one. I made the difficult decision to end a relationship that had been over 4.5 years long. Like you, I was 28, turning 29 in a few months. I was emotionally drained after that relationship, was not ready to start another relationship, nor did I anticipate meeting anyone I would want to date anytime soon. I figured I would just take a couple years to reset and focus on my career.

But instead, 3 weeks after the breakup, a guy friend reached out to me and we met up to chat over drinks. He apparently knew after that night that he wanted to date me, and worked hard over the next few months to convince me to be with him. It worked! lol.. Our relationship moved very fast, but it always felt right, and after a little over a year of dating he proposed to me for my 30th birthday! We moved in together a couple months after that, and are now coming up on our two-year dating anniversary in a few weeks. I’ll be 31 when we get married next year.

I never thought that I’d be getting engaged to somebody else not even 18 months out of my previous relationship, but it can happen! Life really is impossible to plan sometimes! So take time to grieve this relationship and spend time on yourself, but don’t worry about finding someone. There’s probably somebody out there who will be super excited to be with you. It might be somebody you already know, like in my case, or he might be just around the corner! 

Post # 28
Member
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I don’t really believe his line about wanting to keep his greek line, I think he’s just using that as an excuse to break up because how do you fight that? I think he wanted out for another reason all together, and you might never know why.  But that’s in the past, know you’re better off without him if he can move on so fast from you. Let him go, don’t cry, one day you’ll be thankful he chose to leave. 

Post # 29
Member
2110 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

dreamer1 :  I’m so sorry! I got a divorce from my husband / boyfriend of 15 years at 32. It was really hard (although it was kind of my doingnand for the best) and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be happy and have a family.

Well pretty quickly, I met someone and it’s completely redefined how happy i thought a relationship could be! Now I’m 35 (36 next week), we’re engaged, and we’re expecting our first child in 3 months. 

It’ll happen for you! I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you are young still and have many many decades of love ahead of you! ❤️

Ps I’m rolling my eyes super hard at your ex right now. 

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