28 and Broken

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I don’t want to comment too much on your relationship to say if it was good or bad.

I just want to say that I understand how losing someone you love feels. I got dumped by the love of my life when I was 24. I spent the next 4ish years in a terrible depression. Half the time I basically stopped eating because I was so sad over it and wanted to actually die. I felt I could not love someone even a fraction of the same way I did him.

Sometime in that time I reconnected with the man I ended up marrying whom I had known since he was 18 and I was 22. We renewed our friendship during that time since he had gone off to play a different game and we did not communicate much until he came back to the game we met in. Well, we got to know each other better and ended up getting married when I was 28.

He isn’t the same as the other man. He is different in his own ways and I love him for it.  I feel that we came back to each other for a reason and I’m glad I married my husband. He is so good to me and I very much lucked out! I am reminded almost daily of it and I am so glad I let my husband into my heart instead of keeping him out because I hurt too much.

I guess what I am saying is it is possible to love someone else again. It might be love in a different way but it is very possible. I know because I did it. There is hope. It just takes time and the right person coming into your life. I hope that person comes for you sooner rather than later though. 

Post # 32
Member
10580 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

dreamer1 :  

Bee, your ex is a racist.

Post # 33
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

Dear Bee – here is my story. I was engaged at 27 to someone who I thought was “the one” after many years of dating. We had a relationship that I thought was amazing. He went overseas for work and ended up sleeping with numerous women. He finally told me at Christmas (lovely). I broke the engagement 3 months before my 29th birthday. I was devastated. I thought I might never have kids. I remember nights after dates where I would lie in bed in complete shock and despair – hardly able to believe that I had to be out there dating again. I was scared. But – a friendship at work bloomed into a romance. My now husband pursued me like crazy.  We were compatible in ways I never could have imagined. We married, have three amazing children and a beautiful life. It will all be okay. Don’t let this rejection impact your self image. Don’t end up settling because you are scared. And let me tell you the most important thing Bee. Just like I did, you dodged a bullet. I still know my ex. He is now divorced. He left behind little kids.   I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but someday you will look back at this moment and be so very happy you didn’t commit your life to this person. He showed you who he is in a harsh and painful way, as my ex did – but he saved you from longer term and more severe pain. Take heart my dear girl. I understand exactly how you feel – but I am long on the other side and can assure you again – it will all be okay. Hugs. 

Post # 34
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

And one more thing – I know 28 may feel old to you right now – but you are a baby.  There is plenty of time to find a person who is worthy of you. When I broke my engagement, I was panicked that I was about to turn 29.  Someone even told me that I was “brave” to break an engagement when I was “that old”.   I now look back at that time and wish I could tell my anxious self how young I actually was – how there was plenty of time and plenty of wonderful men to meet. I can’t do that for myself –  but I can tell you. Deep breaths – there is a beautiful future in store for you. 

Post # 35
Member
2099 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

lifeisbeeutiful :  thanks girl! It was so hard, I literally could not fathom my life without him in it. It was just impossible to even try to consider that. And he’s a really great guy, just wasn’t a great husband, so that made it so much harder. Oof it was rough, especially for him 😥  But we are both a lot happier now, so all’s well that ends well I hope. 

Post # 36
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I am so sorry to hear this, Bee.

Here is my story and encouragement:

When I was 23 I had been dating a guy for 1.5 years. Much like your relationship, we did not fight, I (at the time) thought it was the best relationship of my life, and we had just returned from a trip that we took together. 

Then, completely out of the blue, when he was supposed to meet me at a restaurant for dinner after work – he dumped me via text message because I was “not Catholic”.  I called him out on his BS because he knew that I had not been Catholic since Day 1 (I also called him out on being a coward for the text dumping after 1.5 years and made him come dump me to my face like a man haha). To top that off, the next day he texted me to ask me not to go to my favorite restaurant that evening (where one of my friends was actually taking me to make me feel better about the BS breakup). Turns out the reason he didn’t want me there was because he was having dinner with his ex (another fun fact – he had actually refused to go to that restaurant with me over the course of our entire relationship because he wasn’t into Asian cuisine).

I tried to convince myself that this guy was a POS and that I was better off without him.  But even though my brain knew that someone who would breakup with me for such a BS reason (I assume the real reason he broke up with me was so he could try to get back with his ex or get with someone else) was not worth my time or my emotions, I still went through the whole can’t eat/ can’t sleep phase.

Anyway about 8 months later after a ton of terrible dates with terrible (for me) men, another failed relationship of a few months, some self-destructive behaviour, and deciding to move to the other side of the world for a semester of school – I met the love of my life.  I didn’t think that I could even feel love like I feel with my fiance. I didn’t know that type of love, caring, respect, loyalty, or passion existed until I met my fiance and today I am SO thankful that my ex dumped me for that BS reason because I probably would have continued on in that relationship and would never have known the love that I know with my fiance today (and that I have experienced over the past 8 years with my fiance).

So that is my story of hope.  I know that I was younger than you – but, Bee, there are so many other great people out there and guys who dump girls out of the blue for BS reasons are not worth wasting your time on.

Also I second the PPs who have told you hat 28 is young. I know it does not feel like it – but take it from a 32 year old woman who is only planning on get married next summer and starting to have kids at 34 (like many of my professional colleagues and friends) – you have time.

*Hugs*

Post # 37
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

The best thing you can do is what Kate Middleton did. Find a way to go on with your life and look like you are enjoying life and everything is fine. Fake it until you make it. Focus on eating well, exercising and doing you hair and makeup nicely. Occasionally post on social media images of you having fun or spending time outdoors (never with the opposite sex though just with family or girlfriends). Focusing on your career is great too.

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me when I was 21 turning 22. I was devastated. I did the above and dated a few nice guys, but mostly focused on myself, career and spent lots of time with friends and family. We kept in touch a few times over the years and then a few months after I turned 26 I was single and thought I’d say hey on social media (occasionally over the years we would touch base). And he messaged me right back and pretty much started dating that day. We were engaged a month after I turned 27, and married before my 28th birthday. I will be 29 in August.

I think sometimes people just need a taste of reality and to see what is out there and then they see what is really right. And if not You might see something better even, you never know 🙂

Post # 38
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Hi Bee. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

In 2015 my then bf left me in a similar fashion. I had moved into his condo in 2014 and we discussed marriage and babies and I thought that was coming soon. As we got more serious – the fact that I am not Jewish became more of an issue for him, until he eventually dumped me. I was 29 and moved back into my parents’ house. I can honestly say I went through hell for two weeks (also found out he had already started seeing a Jewish girl at work, so clearly a factor in his decision).

Anyway. After two weeks of a crying fog, the anger replaced the sadness and I quickly felt better. A lot better. Because I knew I deserved better!! Met my wonderful SO only 8 weeks later. You are so young!! Take time to heel. Go on a vacation. It will get better soon! Xo

Post # 39
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

Hi bee. I am so sorry you are going through this. Your ex is a complete jerk for doing that to you.

Screw him & his greek shit, though…

Just like you i went through a break up excatly 7 months ago w/ my ex who I had been w/ for over 2 years & 11 months at the time & he did it to get back together w/ his ex girlfriend & kid’s mother & it turns out he had been planning to do it for over a month & never even had the audacity to even tell me after that had happened i cut off all contact w/ him along with the friendship i had w/ him because how much of a complete ass he was. I ended up finding out all about it bc one of my good friends from high school showed me a bunch of screenshots from facebook as my ex had blocked me & I had no way of knowing what was really going on. I was devastated & really hurt but i soon got over it & realized i deserved way better. 

You are so young, take time to heal, go on a vacation if possible – It may not seem like it now but i promise it will get better soon! xo

Post # 40
Member
955 posts
Busy bee

I’m adopted and did the DNA test.  I’m not even enough of anything to have a nationality or ethnicity other than “pasty white”.  I like to think that I’m still a person of value.  

So, um… screw him and his “Greek” shit.  Even his mom says he’s being stupid.  

 

Anyway, hopeful story: 

I had a 1.5 year relationship end when I was 29 because the man I was in love with couldn’t commit to me long term.  I thought he was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me, but the more distance I had from the relationship, the more I could see that wasn’t the case.  My SO now?  He has all the things my ex was missing.  You live and you learn.  You date more slectively.  It’s a good thing, and there are more amazing men out there who would love to marry you despite your cultural differences.  Perhaps the right man might even appreciate your culture and where you come from! 

Post # 41
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My SIL’s ex broke up with her after 7 years together. They had been talking marriage and then suddenly it was over. Well about a year later she met someone new who was absolutely head over heels for her and now she’s engaged and getting married next year.

Every heartbreak sucks but it’s always possible to find love (even better love) again. 

Post # 42
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

The same exact thing happened with my gf! It’s pretty messed up but some people aren’t willing to marry outside of their culture. It’s like…..why bother then dating someone who is of a different race if you don’t plan on staying with them?? It’s very hurtful because you geniuely seemed to be open and accepting of his cultural background. 

I am white and I dated a Filipino guy for 3 years. His family HATED me and never accepted me because I was white. You can’t help what race you’re born into :/ 

Post # 43
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Assuming this is his real reason then he’s a dickhead. 

Assuming he used this as an excuse to beak up then he’s a dickhead

Either way, it hurts but better you wasted only 2.5 years on him. Time will heal you. I promise. 

I was “with” a guy and he told me me he could be with me “because you are a Jew and you know how Jews are”…. this sentence is burned into my brain. Today I can laugh about it and about that little shit of an antisemite. I know what kind of futer I would have had with him… (assuming I was that perfect Arian girl he needed) – this future would have involved having loads of kids but going to work but making less money because women have to work and make less money, stay at home on the weekends with him running around drinking because women stay at home with the children so men can go out, cooking food after work and taking care of children because that’s what women do – kinda future. 

As soon as I let go of him mentally I could laugh at him and enjoy life. I dated here and there – oh wow, there’s a tons of weirdos out there – but the moment I met my now husband I knew. I haven’t ever been so happy in my life. 

I met my husband when I was 34 almost 35. 

Post # 44
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I broke off my engagement at 28, and at 29 met a FAR better man whom I love much, much more. We’re not engaged yet but have talked extensively about the future. I’m scared, sure, and the baby fear is real, but if I had to choose? I’d go through all that heartache again to meet the man I’m now with.

Post # 45
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

brewstan :  Wow, people said the exact same thing to me! I was also 28. I didn’t understand why I was seen as ‘brave’. I just thought I was being sensible for not marrying the wrong man!

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors