(Closed) 29 days UNTIL wedding, but want to ELOPE! HELP

posted 9 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: If you were a guest (friend or family) how would you react to finding out we had eloped...

    be upset and mad, probably wouldn't have come

    be happy for the couple and ready for the fun reception

  • Post # 17
    560 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I think it is too late to elope now. Might piss off people even more.

    Post # 18
    315 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree that it is too late.

    My answer would depend on why there’s a no-contact order in place. If your mom did something terrible to your sister (or vice versa), then I’d invite the less terrible one.

    Rather than eloping, let your big family witness the real thing and invite the others to a ‘vow renewal’ or ‘second ceremony’ later. Don’t reward bad behavior!

    Post # 19
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Well, YES you could still Elope if you wanted… altho, I am certain that at this late date it would create even more family drama for your Wedding

    (Namely People who have REPLIED YES and are expecting to come and see you get Married)

    Honestly, I am still confused.

    You want to Elope with both sets of Parents there (understandable).  BUT at the same time your Mother & Sister (the MOH) have a Court Order in effect where neither of them can be in same room together?

    Hon, I think you should have sorted all this stuff out in your head months ago… BEFORE you got this far down the road in Wedding Planing and a BIG Family Wedding atmosphere.

    I mean if you Elope with the Parents… HOW do you explain that to your Maid/Matron of Honor ?

    You have a Wedding Reception, and you don’t Invite your Mother and / or your Sister (MOH)

    HOW does that jive ?

    I get you have “an issue” (elephant in the room) here, but you should have worked out the dynamics / logistics long ago to figure out what would be workable, and what not.

    (Not making your Sis a Maid/Matron of Honor / Bridesmaid, might have made this all tons easier)

    As for your other Questions….

    If you Elope, and then have a Celebration / Reception afterwards that is fine.  No vows taken it isn’t a Vow Renewal.  It is a Wedding Celebration / Reception.  And you can do as you please in regards to Etiquette and stuff like the formality, size, or how Wedding-like you want it to be.

    If you want to do the whole saying the Vows again in front of others, then it is a Vow Renewal (NOT a Wedding, as you are already legally married, and you cannot get married twice to the same person without a Divorce… and in most Jursdictions your Officiant will tell you that.  They will infact say different vows slightly because of this… “We are gathered here today to celebrate the ongoing Love and Commitment… “)

    Your Original Wedding Dress can certainly be worn to a Vow Renewal.  And you can do all the other Wedding-like stuff you want.

    Just don’t call it a Wedding.

    Hope this helps (some),

    PS… Very sorry to hear you have such issues with your Immediate Family (Mom & Sis) that definitely makes things hard.


    Post # 21
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012


    Sounds like you are working thru a plan now…

    Moms & Dads for the Elopement, and BOTH under some sort of arrangement for the Wedding Celebration / Reception.

    Hopefully… you can get both players to understand that this is your day, and making a scene is not appropriate, and for the sake of one day they need to get along / be respectful of your feelings and a proposed work-around.

    And they’ll cooperate

    Good Luck ((((( BIG HUGS )))))


    Post # 22
    121 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @youngORbride:  I don’t see why you need to tell people that you are already technically married. People do it all the time (have a courthouse ceremony before the “big wedding” with religious/spiritual ceremony). There are a multitude of reasons why this works for some, insurance, military, etc, etc. Not a huge deal IMO, but I know some people get really touchy about it. That is the exact reason I would just keep it to myself (or within the immediate familiy).

    Post # 23
    67 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    What if you have the intimate ceremony and just not tell everyone.  I don’t say that to be mean, you could tell them after if you wish, but that way you can have the stress free wedding you want and the bigger ceremony style one later on.  But if should drama come out at least you know you already had a perfect day before.


    Post # 24
    3189 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m confused – how exactly is eloping before the wedding you’ve planned happens going to minimize drama? You said that you want just both sets of parents and your aunt and uncle there to see you elope…but the drama is coming from choosing between your mom and sister, and your dad and stepmom not liking your mom. So how exactly is having an elopement that your sister and stepmom are excluded from not going to start MORE drama? I feel like I must be missing or not understanding something, because that just sounds like it would make the whole thing even more complicated to me.

    The topic ‘29 days UNTIL wedding, but want to ELOPE! HELP’ is closed to new replies.

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