- 5 years ago
My SO and I have been together 2 years, and we rarely fight. However, when we do, its big and ugly. This one has been long in coming. I will try to keep this succinct. The SO and I lived on long island until hurricaine Sandy destroyed our apartment. I’m a city person, and I hated long island. (I only moved there because I got to go to law school for free.) We’d been talking about moving to NYC after I graduated from law school this year. When our apartment was destroyed, we decided to move to NYC, although my boyfriend really liked our beach town on Long Island and has never been that keen on the city. (It didnt’ matter, however, as it was almost impossible to get an apartment in a reasonable price range after the storm. Also before he met me, he was looking at apartments in the city)
I need to make the commute to Long Island everyday during rush hour due to my internship. Without traffic its a 45 minute commute. With traffic, it is somewhere between 1.5 and 2 hours. Nonetheless, I do the long commute almost everyday, there and back. My SO is an accountant, and works mainly in NYC. On most days, he can get home in 30 minutes, and rarely comes home later than 5:30. When we lived on long island, his commutes into the city took 1.5-2 hours. He used to complain a lot. Once or twice a week, he needs to go to long island. Now, when he does, instead of coming home, he goes to his parents house and sleeps over. He doesn’t do anything, he just sleeps over and watches tv. When he does this, I don’t see him for up to two nights. I’ve told him I look forward to seeing him when I get home, and told him how much I dislike him doing this. He hasn’t listened, and just does what he wants.
His actions have really hurt me. I look forward to seeing him and it feels like he doesn’t look forward to seeing me. Its almost as if I’m not worth the trouble of sitting in traffic, which I do to see him everyday. I also don’t think I’m clingy. I’ve never had a problem with him having a boys night or going over to his parents in the past. I encouraged him to participate in a 10 day guys trip with his buddies to the Carribean in Jan. He was thinking of not doing it due to money. I told him we’d cut back and manage. My problem is he is going to his parents house and doing NOTHING, instead of coming home to me. Quite frankly, he is burdening his mom. She waited on us hand and foot when we stayed with her during the storm. I’m sure she’s doing the same now.
He thinks I’m being irrational, but I feel like he’s not trying AT ALL. I’m feeling unwanted and like I love him more than he loves me. Again, I wouldn’t mind if he were studying for his CPA or hanging out with friends. However, I feel like he’d rather do nothing than make an effort to be with me. Am I being unreasonable? Yes, the commute sucks, but I feel like he should want to see me. He’s not overworked or hanging out with friends, shouldn’t he want to see me? I don’t know, I don’t want to be a push over. But I hate coming home after working all day to an empty house. If i wanted that, I’d be single.
Also, when we have super fights, and we’ve only had 3, he always threatens to break up with me. I call him out on it, but I don’t know if that’s a sign our relaitonship is unstable?