(Closed) 2nd Ceremony At Home To Please Grandma?

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think I would push for having a videographer and then show the ceremony at the 2nd reception if it was me.  That’s definitely tricky though!  Good luck!

Post # 4
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I wouldn’t want to have a second ceremony either. It seems disingenous. Trying to pretend it didn’t happen by not announcing it would probably not work because people are bound to get wind of it and then be miffed at witnessing a "fake" ceremony if you do do it. If you’re set on having a California wedding, then I think a second reception in your home state is a wonderful gesture.

Post # 5
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Just have a 2nd "reception." Like you said what’s the point of having 2 ceremonies.

Post # 6
236 posts
Helper bee

Is the grandma attending the first ceremony?

If she is I think you should talk to her, not Fiance about why she needs a second ceremony.  Tell her you will be happy to show a video of it at your local reception so that her friends can witness the fact that you are legally wed but that it takes the meaning our of the ceremony to do it twice.

If she is not going to the Santa Barbara wedding then perhaps you could have a small ceremony prior to the reception where you repeat your vows in front of her and your immediate family but without a minister or officient. You could even make it more meaningful by creating a special set of vows for the occasion. This way it is more of a seperate type of ceremony (like the Tea Ceremony in some cultures) instead of an actual marriage ceremony.

Post # 7
11 posts

I will be having 2 ceremonies and 2 receptions.  My first one will be in Panama, since my Mom absolutely wants to invite all the family there.  We will have a ceremony with a pastor, but not actually sign any papers.  And the second will be in the Bay Area were the FI’s family is (most of them won’t travel to Panama), at which we will actually sign papers and make it "official."

Twice the fun!


Post # 8
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My sister had two ceremonies.  The first was the big wedding – decorated church, white dress, bridal party and everything.  The second was just a private ceremony in our local Catholic church after mass.  No bridal party, no dress, no invitations, no decorations – just a small ceremony performed by the priest after the morning mass.  I would say that if your FI’s grandmother doesn’t come to the big wedding, something like that would not be inappropriate, just so that she could witness your vows.  But doing the whole thing over in another location just be cause one person is upset is overboard.  A second reception for those who didn’t or couldn’t travel to the wedding should be enough.

By the way, this isn’t the only time you’re going to have to deal with the manipulation of crying relatives.  Go ahead and bring up (and start to hash out) the issue of where you’ll spend the holidays.  It’s nice to make your relatives happy, but you and Fiance will be your own little family, and you get to make your own decisions in the interest of your own happiness.  While you shouldn’t make them selfishly or just to inconvenience or hurt other family members, you also don’t have to decide one way or another just to keep somebody from being unhappy.

And FYI – my dad is 71, quite athletic, and still working.  From your description of the grandmother there doesn’t seem to be any reason why she shouldn’t travel to the wedding.  Just being miffed because you haven’t planned everything the way she would have it doesn’t constitute a reason for you to change your plans.

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